Divorce

[Starrystarr]

My soon to be ex husband and I are going to our second mediation session today. I'm extremely nervous, anxious, afraid. I'm shaking, sick to my stomach, and having a really hard time believing that I deserve the alimony and child support.

He makes really good money. I took care of our son, our apartment, our bills, and everything else for so long so that he could get to where he is in his career. Now that we're separating he doesn't want to pay me the amount of money that we initially agreed upon. Last year he made 106k. He did nothing but work and sleep. It was awful. I agreed to settle on 82k because he wasn't going to work all the extra overtime this year. After he saw the figures for that amount he freaked out.

82k is based on his regular 40 hours plus 10 hours of overtime a week. Now he wants me to settle on just 40 hours. He is always working overtime except for now because he knows that he'll have to pay more if he does.

If I settle on a smaller amount I'll be punishing myself and my son. If I don't settle on it we'll go to court. If we go to court I'm in jeopardy of losing custody of my son because of my anxiety and depression and PTSD. If I don't settle and he agrees, I worry about how he'll be able to pay his own bills with what's he's left with. He threatens me, calls me names, treats me like garbage and belittles my feelings.

What is so wrong with me that he can't love me? What is so wrong with me that I'm forced to make these really tough decisions and all I can think of is him? I know I shouldn't care about his well being but I can't stop my heart and head from loving him still. Maybe I deserve it.

I'm having such a hard time. And I don't have support from my family. I reached out and no one is here for me. I feel so alone and abandoned. I just wish I could end it all.

 

[rightkindofme]

Your kid is who you need to think about right now. Not you nor your husband. What is best for the kid? Fight for *him* if you can't fight for yourself.

 

[AngelKeeperJ]

I am so sorry!!! Stand up for your right, and document, document, documents!!!
Keep voicemails if possible, don't fee sorry for him! They ALL TRY THIS!!!
Good luck!!!

 

[seedling]

There is nothing "wrong" with you. His treatment of you is his own problem.
Stick to the 82K if you can, it sounds like he will try to get away with bullying you. Let is play out as long as you can without compromising, then give a little if you have to and you think he will settle. You could offer 40 hours and 7 hours of overtime. Come down a little at a time in mediation to show that you are willing to work things out.
Figure out what your absolute bottom line "noway" is and try to get him to agree before you get there. If you find it hard to stand up for what you've given to make him successful, practice a few short to-the-point sentences that state your position and repeat them as often as necessary (take them to mediation written down on a piece of paper or in a notebook and have it in front of you disguised as note taking). Avoid being pulled in to justifying your position, simply don't say anything if that's the safest way to avoid damaging your cause. Emphasize that your main concern is your son.

It may be that he doesn't want to go to court either. Does he seem like he really wants custody? With his lifestyle it would be hard to care for a child.

Good Luck! Sorry you are going through this.

 

[Ketamine Dreams]

Your mediator should help guide this discussion. Maybe focus on the % of his salary and start with his base. Maybe your part of the overtime pay can be calculated after the fact on a rolling basis, perhaps quarterly.

 

[DavidCarpenter]

You need to just think about you and your son now.This is totally a legal activity you have to take the decision on your own you can even take help of a lawyer who will guide you properly than anyone else see all things depends upon you ultimately think and take guidance before doing anything.

 

[anonymous]

I am really sorry that you are going through this, I am going through divorce right now as well. I would like to offer you a prospective that you may not see because of all the clouds in the sky with everything going on. There are some women who get absolutely nothing- for example- I was coerced into signing a hefty prenuptial agreement. I'm lucky if I get the furniture. My soon to be ex makes over 300k a year. I am not saying that your spot isn't tough- it is- I just wanted to offer a prospective that might encourage you about what you are getting. If I am out of line, I apologize- I really hope you will fight for your sons best interest, and yours as well! Best of luck!