Lotis,
What outsiders don't get is that the worst part of "exposure" as you call it so perfectly is that we aren't believed. They don't want to know, therefore, they marginalize us, discredit us, tell everyone we're crazy, control the environment, manipulate, lie, like trapped rats.....they will claw and scrape and bite and attack. And worse, they have their minions who are agents of rage for them. And they do anything and everything to keep the lie alive, to protect their image. But you and others here know all of this because you've lived it, as I have. I just want my children to understand, to see me as the person I am, not as I'm depicted by my sick mother and sisters. But I'm realizing all I can do is be me, as I said, live in integrity and continue to be there for them when they falter. And yes, they do turn to me when they truly need someone. But the pull of the "family" is strong. It's strong and deadly, like heroin. It gives them a sickly sweet sense of belonging and it's so hard to break away from that.
Like you, I spent years in therapy, including EMDR. My whole life has been a recovery, bouncing from one trauma to another. It's taken it's toll on me, greatly. And sometimes it's so frustrating and debilitating. And so so isolating. But then there are moments and days and weeks when it's not the major focus. It only comes back when there's some sort of crisis or family engagement via my kids or my mother who calls and leaves messages that I never respond to.
Then I question myself. Am I crazy? Did I imagine it all? Even though I see the abuse vividly, where and when.....like a movie in my head. It's a miracle I'm still standing and participating in life at all.
All the best to you.
