Do I have to be angry?

[PlainJane]

I try to connect with the anger I feel on behalf of others and ask myself - how would it feel to me if I felt like that for myself. I hit a brick wall.

This is what I try to do, but nothing comes up. I expected this, though:

I connected shame with anger instead of with sadness. Uncomfortable but might be important.

I am okay with not having it.

There is some self blame as @Ecdysis mentioned. With some things, anyway. However, it's shame that bubbles forth but never anger. Self blame is nice and tidy, too.

I think whether there are inward and outward componets to anger depends on context, obviously. I think typically, though, it makes sense that there is a mix of both because there are multiple people involved. "I am angry at my part in this mess" and "I am angry at their shitty behavior." Doesn't work for every situation, but yeah that's probably helpful to see both. As long as it's placed appropriately.

 

[Rose White]

One thing that came up for me as I was pondering this was “Do I think others are supposed to be mad at me?” It’s kind of like self-blame that @Ecdysis mentioned but more along the lines of “People should be mad at me because [xyz].” I’m not sure how it’s related to the question exactly, but there seems to be a relationship in my mind… like thinking “Do others have to be angry [at me], and if so, why?”

 

[Rose White]

Is the inward part anger from frustration?

Maybe? But also is related to “it’s easier/simpler to be angry at myself than at others”, so when anger arises in me, often some amount of it gets channeled inward—in the sense of “how could I have let this happen”—which connects back to the fantasy that I can control others, I could have prevented the situation/abuse, etc.

 

[PlainJane]

I am the master of the seas! Ugh, too true

 

[Torch]

the fantasy that I can control others, I could have prevented the situation/abuse, etc.

When an individual or groups of people are intentionally, consciously, manipulating you, you have a right to be angry.
In these situations, the fantasy of control isn't that fantastical, is it?

 

[Rose White]

@Torch I’m not sure what you mean?