Do I need to avoid this situation?

[stjohn1633]

Background... my daughter suffered severe burns in a house fire 8 years ago, she is now 9 years old.
Current issue... I have anxiety, yes. But this situation continues to cause me severe stress even though I have tried to endure over and over. My sister loves to take all her nieces and nephews camping every spring . It always includes swimming in a creek. I get bad anxiety when I'm with all of them at the creek. I feel like no one else is serious about water safety. I'm having to bring floaties because people don't bring their own. This makes me feel like if I don't go, the children wont be safe. 2 years ago I went and was miserable with anxiety. I promised not to go again, but only my sister was taking many children to the creek and no other parents were going. I felt obligated to go for their safety and quite frankly angry that this was happening. I told me sister afterwards that I would not go again. Do not count on it. This year, my sister and brother in laws both went so I allowed my older 2 who are 13 and 14 that swim well to go, but not my younger 2. Then I was invited to come to the creek for a cookout, which is tomorrow. I have so much anxiety just thinking about it. Now I even wish I did not let my 2 older kids go. I'm having so much stress over this. My husband does not want to go with me tomorrow and I don't think I could do it without him. I hate how I'm feeling and i don't even know if it's right .

 

[Movingforward10]

How safe is the creek?

It's hard to know, in my opinion, if your worry about safety is valid or an over reaction.
If valid, as it's unsafe to swim there, or the amount of children going is too many to manage etc. Then it about putting your boundaires in and not go and not allowing your children to go.
If it's an over reaction/trigger for you: then what usually helps when you react like that and can you use those tools now? Be a shame for your children to miss out on safe fun. Also, why won't your husband go with the kids?

 

[arfie]

i would be the crazy adult who goes to sleep in the dirt with the kids. i encourage avoidance for the helicopter parents who see danger everywhere. when such parents come along, i end up spending more time worrying about the parental rules and regs than enjoying the children. please leave the bug sprayers full of hygienic toxins at home.

conversely, i struggle with finding comfort in the great indoor events. may i applaud from a safe social distance? avoidance and respect rolled into one.

may the children grow in the balance between the extremes.

 

[stjohn1633]

How safe is the creek?

It's hard to know, in my opinion, if your worry about safety is valid or an over reaction.
If valid, as it's unsafe to swim there, or the amount of children going is too many to manage etc. Then it about putting your boundaires in and not go and not allowing your children to go.
If it's an over reaction/trigger for you: then what usually helps when you react like that and can you use those tools now? Be a shame for your children to miss out on safe fun. Also, why won't your husband go with the kids?

I ended up not going at all and I think it was a good decision. I'm really a party pooper in those types of situations (according to my 14 yr old ). I received a report that every one had a fun time and all was well. I think I made the right decision letting the older ones go and younger staying home.

i would be the crazy adult who goes to sleep in the dirt with the kids. i encourage avoidance for the helicopter parents who see danger everywhere. when such parents come along, i end up spending more time worrying about the parental rules and regs than enjoying the children. please leave the bug sprayers full of hygienic toxins at home.

conversely, i struggle with finding comfort in the great indoor events. may i applaud from a safe social distance? avoidance and respect rolled into one.

may the children grow in the balance between the extremes.

Yes, I think my place is away from the great outdoor adventures with 10 kids. All I do is count the kids over and over. I did take my younger 2 who are 9 and 5 out on our mountain property while we did some outdoor work, so the did get a chance to scrape their knees, collect rocks and play in the water sprinklers .

 

[arfie]

Yes, I think my place is away from the great outdoor adventures

ditto for me in the great indoor adventures. i hear allot of bull in china shop jokes when i attempt to act like i'm housebroken. it takes a village to raise a child and great teams are built on contrast. i believe it is great when children get to experience both worlds, shame-free.

 

[Friday]

Feeling obligated to go, or people won’t be safe… isn’t ‘avoidance’ as a symptom… but hypervigilance, OR vigilance (not a symptom, but a totally healthy/rational reaction to very real situations), OR anxiety. Depending on how real the threat is.

Irrational? Hypervigilance.
Rational? Vigilance.
Freaking the f*ck out, regardless of how rational or irrational it is? Anxiety.

Which may seem like splitting hairs, but? RADICALLY different solutions attach to each.