Do I Trust This Feeling Or Not?

[mytai]

Apparently my anxiety was justified and I wasn't being paranoid. I am now sporting a nice soon to be black eye, and a cut around my eye.

 

[Echo]

Oh @mytai, what happened? You poor thing. Are you safe right now?

 

[mytai]

@Echo I got roughed up by my oh so lovely great-uncle. I'm "safe" at work. Think I might need a stitch, so I will head to the emergency room after work in 3 hours.

This is what happens when the police do absolutely nothing to help protect you.

 

[mytai]

I'm spiralling right now. I'm losing my freaking mind. I feel suicidal and I don't dare speak that out loud. I feel out of control crazy right now.

 

[Echo]

Am I allowed to swear profusely? I know the police have not taken things further, but you must get help right now. Please alert the police. Please let your therapist know, right now. Please call the crisis line. Please do everything to make yourself safe. This might finally be an opportunity to arrest him. @mytai - please hold on. You are very precious.

 

[Echo]

Please also keep trusting your intuition. It is that intuition that is trying to keep you safe. I've had two weeks of it myself and I have been spot on each time. This is why I felt you were right to fear he was near you. This is part of us that wants us safe. There are many parts of you that want to be safe, @mytai, though there is, of course, another part that is terrified.

 

[mytai]

@Echo, if I could get angry I would. One of us should get angry. I just get sarcastic. What makes this time any different? What will make the police take action this time? I have less evidence now than I did in December. Anyone could have done this is exactly what they will tell me, because this time he didn't rape me.

It's only physical abuse, not sexual. I will be told yet again to call them when it happens next time because they will have it on file. Because apparently the last 3 times on file don't account for anything.

@Echo, I will keep trusting the feelings I get from now on. Clearly something inside me goes off when he is near.

 

[Echo]

@mytai - I don't get angry for me; but I do for other people.

I do think you should keep telling the police, even if they don't do anything immediately. Maybe he is still around, or do you think he has left now? Either way, you need to be safe. Of course you must feel the police are hopeless; I would, but you must keep yourself safe and get every incident logged. Perhaps someone else saw his vehicle or saw him hit you? You do now need some serious protection, if he knows where you are.

Please call someone who can support you. You should not be on your own now. Please let your therapist know at the very least.

 

[mytai]

@Echo, he did this like 3 hours ago, so I'm pretty sure he's gone now. It would be pretty stupid of him to hang around. The more I talk to the police and they don't do anything the more I get hurt, both physically and emotionally. The more they do nothing the worse my suicidal thoughts get.

I'm extremely reluctant to call the police about this. I'm scared to tell my T, even though she is my strongest and best support. Also the one I trust the most. I'm scared to mainly because I think she will try to help me by contacting the police if I refuse. I'm actually thinking of ways to hide my eye from her on Friday. Pretty much my only option is to hope my sunglasses cover it enough, and just to wear them in her office.

I don't really know who to talk to other than people on here. Who do I call if I can't call the police? Maybe a crisis line, but what good will that do me?

 

[Echo]

Did he say anything to you? I mean did he verbally threaten you with anything? But anyway regardless of that, he did what he did to make you too frightened to go to the police. If you don't tell them, he will be winning. Can you separate out the reporting of the rapes which the police did not take further with your need right now for protection? Please contact your therapist and tell her how you feel about the police and your suicidal thoughts. She will understand. BUT the most important thing right now is making sure you are safe today and into the future.

The police need to think about how he got to find out where you are. They need to consider who might have told him. The situation is different now that he has found you. Please make a choice to get help to be safe.

 

[Echo]

Your therapist will hopefully help you find a strategy to be physically safe. You can't cope not knowing when and if he is going to turn up again.

 

[Ryn]

Oh (((@mytai)))...

I am so sorry. I can't even find the words right now, but please listen to what @Echo has said - she is right. You are so very precious. The gentlest of hugs. Please stay safe.