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Do sex jokes or sexual "humor" upset you?

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I wonder what men who talk like this around ladies think? Do they think at all about how their conv...

I'm unsure, I remember one time my ex partner said she was in a bookstore and overheard two men talking about a woman in the store saying 'How'd you like to have her legs wrapped around your neck' and things like that and it made my ex uncomfortable even though they weren't talking about her, when she told me about it, it also made me feel uncomfortable and I really started to dislike men thinking they must all think that way about women, I was in my early twenties at the time and already knew a lot of guys who spoke like that :(
 
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I wonder what men who talk like this around ladies think?
I'd imagine it could be any number of things:
  • Being engrossed in their own conversation, oblivious of the audience and unaware how far their voices are carrying.
  • Alcohol consumption can turn even the most chivalrous gentleman into a jackass.
  • Cultural beliefs/traditions.
  • A need to overcompensate for inadequacy issues.
  • A way to look like a "rebel" to their friends. :rolleyes: So edgy! :meh:
  • A personal challenge to see how many people they can get to look at them like ---> :bored: Before someone makes them look like ---> :blackeye:
  • Some may find thinking too strenuous an activity, so they just don't.
 
Many years ago I was in a relationship where he would pick up a magazine off the top shelf ( on shopping trips) and make comments on the women's bodies, then place it back on the shelf. In the UK they brought out the first light porn magazine....supposedly aimed at the female market.....I eagerly awaited its publication and took him shopping. I went straight to the shelf, opened it and pointed out the suggestive pics saying what I could do with that et etc....I blush at what came out of my mouth.

Lesson learned!......he was gobsmacked...and never ventured near a top shelf again.

It took that to make him realise......

So maybe its out of ignorance.....just maybe?
 
I'm unsure, I remember one time my ex partner said she was in a bookstore and overheard two men talking abo...
I actually know far more men who DON'T talk like this than ones that do. However, when the ones who don't talk like this at all tend to be quiet and not say anything to stop this kind of behavior in other men, I sure wish they would speak up and come to we ladies' defense. Then again, I wonder just how a gentleman would go about trying to get these kinds of men to stop their conversation or take it elsewhere. (Of course, on a bus, taking it elsewhere is not an option). I suppose it would be very difficult to come up with what exactly to say that would encourage these types of men to talk about something else or to shut up. I guess it would take some kind of person who is in a position of authority, like the bus driver, for instance. He actually said nothing, but then he was in the front of the bus and they were in the back of it, so he may not have been able to hear them. Also, he has to focus on his driving too, which the most important thing for him, obviously.

I'd imagine it could be any number of things:
  • Being engrossed in their own conversation,...
  • Thanks for the good laughs, I REALLY needed that!

Many years ago I was in a relationship where he would pick up a magazine off the top shelf ( on sho...
How BRAVE of you! LOL... thanks for the laughs. I need all I can get on this subject.
 
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So, a question for you gentlemen: What would you say to some men carrying on some kind of conversation like this around some ladies, to maybe get them to realize this sort of thing is not appreciated by the ladies?
 
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How about a comment said out loudly....... " Mavis.....I read recently that those that talk about s...
About the only lady that rides the bus daily with me is in her mid 90s, so I would have to wait until the next LONG bus ride, if these guys are on it, so I could maybe say something to my friend Debbie like this. She is about my age (mid-60s). I have heard this premise before too, it is something that has been said to me a few times in my somewhat long life, by a few women I know. It usually was in response to something like this having happened, but we never had the guts to say it IN FRONT OF the guys in question. LOL...

Errrr .....Sheila, I'm not brave......I'm Scottish......a different culture.
Really? Like a lot of the women in your culture would do this? WOW!
 
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I wonder what men who talk like this around ladies think? Do they think at all about how their conversation(s) will affect others? Are they aware that they might be making some people, especially the ladies present, uncomfortable?

Probably the exact same thing women talking about gorgeous men on the football field are thinking. Or church people talking about Jesus are thinking. Or parents talking about their kids are thinking.

Are they aware that they're making some men, non-Christians, & single folk uncomfortable? If so, do they care? Shrug. Depends on the individuals involved.
 
Sexual humor is fine, degrading women is not. And no this is not normal guy talk (as some in our current admin would like us to think,) not outside of high school,possibly college when pple are still trying to fit in. As men who are raised to respect women get older they don't degrade women. Again a general sex joke is one thing, talking about their exes and spouses or anybody disrespectfully is another. Btw, I really used to think that this was how men normally treated women til i started hanging around men who were actually taught to respect women. I've witnessed on more than one occasion them call other guys out and say that's really not cool. But then again I've lived in cities, am youngish and run with a more progressive crowd so I may be insulated from the a-holes and older guys raised in the days where degrading women was par for the course.

That said, it's fine to be annoyed at inappropriate behavior, it's fine to call pple out on it and ask them to stop, it's fine to complain to someone in authority. What does kind of jump out to me from your post is "if i tolerate and allow this to happen." You really have no say over what anyone does. You can complain to authority and they may or may not remove them next time. If you ask the men to stop, they may say no and speak louder. The only behavior you can choose is your own. So do what is in your control, which you seem to have done and then let it go. If it continues you can remove yourself from the situation or possibly complain again. But end of day if it's something that you can't change, it's up to you to learn to live with it without it making you miserable day in and day out. Like the serenity prayer- to accept the things i cannot change, the courage to change the ones i can, the wisdom to know the difference.

You can reframe it a million ways. Like alba said, You can feel appreciation for them giving you a patience exercise, or an assertiveness exercise if you want to say something if it happens again, it can be a distraction exercise where you learn how to choose your focus, etc. (lol if it were me since i'm learning not to numb out and feel my feelings I'd appreciate the chance to feel miserable and not numb out!) I guess all this to say, do what you can, but if the behavior doesn't change you still have control over your responses. Hope you're not in the situation again though, sounds annoying.
 
Sexual humor is fine, degrading women is not. And no this is not normal guy talk (as some in our current...
Thanks for your thoughts. I do understand what you are saying. I do need to come up with a plan for this possibly happening again, because I really do like going on these field trips with our Senior Center, as I have for years. This is the first time this has happened on one of these trips. Prior to this trip, the men in question did not live in this town. They are new residents here and they act differently than all the other men that live here that I know of in our age group.

I'm thinking that MINDFULNESS might be a useful skill in this kind of situation. Then there was that suggestion to bring a CD Player with headphones, but I don't own one, so I have to buy one if I am to do that. Other than that, I don't have any real ideas of how I can act in this kind of situation so that is does not bother me. I have to really think on this.
 
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