1confusedgirl
New Here
Sorry for long post, any insight helpful...
Hello, I'm new here and reading these posts have help me to get through the past two weeks. I have been dating a man for nearly 3 years, off and on the first 6 months, but 2 years ago we committed ourselves to each other and i moved in with him. We were happy overall, we had a routine and spent as much time together as possible. We've had some arguments but generally we've been very happy. he's so kind and caring to me, he goes out of his way to make me happy, neither of us have kids but I have 2 dogs that he loved unconditionally. he tells me the only thing that makes him happy is making me smile. In the rare occasions we argue he does get very mad sometimes, hes thrown things occassionally and then wants to be left alone, after an hour or 2 when we both have calmed down we both apologize and move on.
He never likes to talk about the past. Several times he's mentioned some horrible things he's been through but not in detail. He mentioned once about his friends dad trying to touch him when he was a kid, also growing up very poor and being ignored by his parents and not even having food to eat as a child. It came up a while back that he had been to jail because of a break up with a girlfriend 20+ years ago (he's 47 im 33) but never went into details. The other day this past came up, he told me about how horrible being in jail was for him (he was there 18 months) he said that the girl he was dating cheated on him then and pressed false charges when he wouldn't take her back. he was young and poor and couldn't afford a lawyer so he went to jail. The issue is the few times it came up in the past the story changed, originally he said he went to jail for a fight with a guy. so naturally i was confused, a day went by and i couldn't get it out of my mind so i pressed and pressed for answers (BIG mistake). he kept saying i was wrong and he wasnt hiding anything but i couldnt let it go, for about 30 minutes we texted and he got really mad and finally stopped responding. When he got home, he said i thought you'd be gone by now and wouldn't talk to me he was visibly mad. His father lives with us, (which i dont understand since he was a horrible father growing up, his dad barely talks to us anyways, but thats his only close family so i just assumed he wanted to try and keep him around for that reason) So anyways , his dad was there when he came home i asked my boyfriend if we could talk and he kept avoiding it then finally he said to his dad "Just tell her what happened" to which his dad just said, something bad happened 20 years ago, it doesnt matter now. My boyfriend just kept getting madder when i spoke. He told me to leave, his dad told me to leave, and he told my boyfriend to leave for a while to calm down. I felt ganged up on so i left, i grabbed some clothes and went to stay at my moms house. we continued to text that night and argue he told me how mean i was and also that he has PTSD!! I NEVER KNEW BEFORE.
Finally he stopped responding altogether, that night he packed all my personal things and placed them in the living room. the next day i came to get a few things. He told me he didnt want to see me and said his dad would be there. I came got my things and told his dad that it was just an argument and i loved his son. His dad told me "i need to stop coming by and end it, he said its over, you 2 arent right for eachother, you need to find someone else". over and over. I was shocked i lived there for 2 years and its mostly been wonderful. He said he was going to urge my boyfriend of these same things and not to talk to me ever again. I asked him not to do that but he said we would anyways.
A few days went by with with no response to my "i'm sorry texts" so i decide to stop by. He was in the garage repairing a door i guess he broke after i left. He was upset (started to tear up but very angry as well) he said he was so mad he couldnt look at me, and he just wanted to be alone. i begged him to let me come home and he said no. He said something in his brain couldnt get over being mad. i asked if i could hug him and he got madder and said no. he just kept telling me to leave but i was heartbroken and confused. I said i knew he loved me and missed me and he agreed but that didnt change anything. finally i saw it was going nowhere so i told him i loved him and im always here for him. as i left he said he loved me 2.
fastforward a week. I started researching ptsd and i decided to write him a letter saying im sorry and that we clearly have miscommunicated and im here for him basically. I went to his house to drop it off after his work day because i knew his dad wouldnt be there then. I knocked on the door, he answered but rolled his eyes when he saw me, he only cracked the storm door so i wouldnt come in. I told him im sorry and i missed him but he just wanted me to leave he said he was still mad and if i cared about him i'd leave him alone, i kept trying to talk for maybe 5 minutes but he just got madder finally i said i wrote you a letter. He didnt want it, but finally he said if i take it will you leave? so i gave it you him and left. This was a few days ago.
It's been 2 weeks since i left the house. He hasnt texted or called, he deleted me off social media but hasnt blocked my phone number. Since then i know hes been working like normal. I still have things in the house like furniture and some personal stuff. He always complains about not having time to sort through things in the house. I drove by(not to stop but just to see if he was mad enough to throw my things away) i noticed a dresser on the curb, its been sitting in the garage as a project we were going to fix together, so i could tell he'd been sorting things. I have other furniture in there and i didnt see anything other than that on the curb. and when i went by previously to get personal things i could tell that the whole has had been sorted through and organized. I guess since ive been gone he's kept bust working and sorting the house out. I dont know if on trash day everthing else of mine will be on the curb or if its a good sign that he's keeping busy organizing. Either way im really hurt, its like he's forgotten the happiness we share most everyday. I don't know if he's really done with me or if he just needs time to stop being mad. I love him unconditionally and i feel like an idiot for bringing up the past, but i didnt know about the ptsd! Had i known about the ptsd i would have never brought up bad issues for him, it's like he just expected me to be perfect without knowing.
Is it stupid to hold out hope he'll text or call?
Should i not try to contact him again?
We've never split up like this and stop talking this long before.
Any advice helpful..
Hello, I'm new here and reading these posts have help me to get through the past two weeks. I have been dating a man for nearly 3 years, off and on the first 6 months, but 2 years ago we committed ourselves to each other and i moved in with him. We were happy overall, we had a routine and spent as much time together as possible. We've had some arguments but generally we've been very happy. he's so kind and caring to me, he goes out of his way to make me happy, neither of us have kids but I have 2 dogs that he loved unconditionally. he tells me the only thing that makes him happy is making me smile. In the rare occasions we argue he does get very mad sometimes, hes thrown things occassionally and then wants to be left alone, after an hour or 2 when we both have calmed down we both apologize and move on.
He never likes to talk about the past. Several times he's mentioned some horrible things he's been through but not in detail. He mentioned once about his friends dad trying to touch him when he was a kid, also growing up very poor and being ignored by his parents and not even having food to eat as a child. It came up a while back that he had been to jail because of a break up with a girlfriend 20+ years ago (he's 47 im 33) but never went into details. The other day this past came up, he told me about how horrible being in jail was for him (he was there 18 months) he said that the girl he was dating cheated on him then and pressed false charges when he wouldn't take her back. he was young and poor and couldn't afford a lawyer so he went to jail. The issue is the few times it came up in the past the story changed, originally he said he went to jail for a fight with a guy. so naturally i was confused, a day went by and i couldn't get it out of my mind so i pressed and pressed for answers (BIG mistake). he kept saying i was wrong and he wasnt hiding anything but i couldnt let it go, for about 30 minutes we texted and he got really mad and finally stopped responding. When he got home, he said i thought you'd be gone by now and wouldn't talk to me he was visibly mad. His father lives with us, (which i dont understand since he was a horrible father growing up, his dad barely talks to us anyways, but thats his only close family so i just assumed he wanted to try and keep him around for that reason) So anyways , his dad was there when he came home i asked my boyfriend if we could talk and he kept avoiding it then finally he said to his dad "Just tell her what happened" to which his dad just said, something bad happened 20 years ago, it doesnt matter now. My boyfriend just kept getting madder when i spoke. He told me to leave, his dad told me to leave, and he told my boyfriend to leave for a while to calm down. I felt ganged up on so i left, i grabbed some clothes and went to stay at my moms house. we continued to text that night and argue he told me how mean i was and also that he has PTSD!! I NEVER KNEW BEFORE.
Finally he stopped responding altogether, that night he packed all my personal things and placed them in the living room. the next day i came to get a few things. He told me he didnt want to see me and said his dad would be there. I came got my things and told his dad that it was just an argument and i loved his son. His dad told me "i need to stop coming by and end it, he said its over, you 2 arent right for eachother, you need to find someone else". over and over. I was shocked i lived there for 2 years and its mostly been wonderful. He said he was going to urge my boyfriend of these same things and not to talk to me ever again. I asked him not to do that but he said we would anyways.
A few days went by with with no response to my "i'm sorry texts" so i decide to stop by. He was in the garage repairing a door i guess he broke after i left. He was upset (started to tear up but very angry as well) he said he was so mad he couldnt look at me, and he just wanted to be alone. i begged him to let me come home and he said no. He said something in his brain couldnt get over being mad. i asked if i could hug him and he got madder and said no. he just kept telling me to leave but i was heartbroken and confused. I said i knew he loved me and missed me and he agreed but that didnt change anything. finally i saw it was going nowhere so i told him i loved him and im always here for him. as i left he said he loved me 2.
fastforward a week. I started researching ptsd and i decided to write him a letter saying im sorry and that we clearly have miscommunicated and im here for him basically. I went to his house to drop it off after his work day because i knew his dad wouldnt be there then. I knocked on the door, he answered but rolled his eyes when he saw me, he only cracked the storm door so i wouldnt come in. I told him im sorry and i missed him but he just wanted me to leave he said he was still mad and if i cared about him i'd leave him alone, i kept trying to talk for maybe 5 minutes but he just got madder finally i said i wrote you a letter. He didnt want it, but finally he said if i take it will you leave? so i gave it you him and left. This was a few days ago.
It's been 2 weeks since i left the house. He hasnt texted or called, he deleted me off social media but hasnt blocked my phone number. Since then i know hes been working like normal. I still have things in the house like furniture and some personal stuff. He always complains about not having time to sort through things in the house. I drove by(not to stop but just to see if he was mad enough to throw my things away) i noticed a dresser on the curb, its been sitting in the garage as a project we were going to fix together, so i could tell he'd been sorting things. I have other furniture in there and i didnt see anything other than that on the curb. and when i went by previously to get personal things i could tell that the whole has had been sorted through and organized. I guess since ive been gone he's kept bust working and sorting the house out. I dont know if on trash day everthing else of mine will be on the curb or if its a good sign that he's keeping busy organizing. Either way im really hurt, its like he's forgotten the happiness we share most everyday. I don't know if he's really done with me or if he just needs time to stop being mad. I love him unconditionally and i feel like an idiot for bringing up the past, but i didnt know about the ptsd! Had i known about the ptsd i would have never brought up bad issues for him, it's like he just expected me to be perfect without knowing.
Is it stupid to hold out hope he'll text or call?
Should i not try to contact him again?
We've never split up like this and stop talking this long before.
Any advice helpful..
