Do Trauma Victims Evoke Reenactments From Others?

[Deleted member 35429]

I've read that trauma survivors can evoke the response from people that caused them the trauma to begin with. This is some sort of subconscious way of reenactment, assumed for mastery.

I'll try and sum this up quickly.
At 16 I was raped and strangled by a sociopathic/psychopathic and somewhat sadistic person. I knew the young man and his family well. They all convinced the police I was unstable so reporting it wouldn't go anywhere. This was life shattering for me at that age.

I pulled my life together and nearly forgot the whole thing happened. Then in my 20's a man that I was breaking up with became so enraged that he grabbed me and strangled me so violently, up against a way and then he sat on top of me and strangled me nearly to death on the floor.
When he snapped and started to grab me I flashbacked to being 16. I screamed the same way, I said the same things, I had a complete flashback to 16. I was watching it happen from a different side of the room. Totally dissociated, I didn't go to the police for this one because I was so dissociated and reliving the past.I actually went right to the police for the rape in the past to report that again! Didn't even occur to me to report the second assault. It hardly even occurred to me this man had done that. I just became obsessed with my rape in the past. My questions for you all are, do you think I evoked this same response from him? I feel on some unconscious level my body just exudes this trauma and men pick this up.

Secondly, has anyone had a flashback during a second trauma so bad that they almost didn't realize the second trauma really happened? I was very physically injured so I couldn't completely ignore what had happened but my mind believes this all happened at 16.

I don't think I picked bad guys and that's how this happened. Both appeared pretty normal middle class clean cut men.

 

[Silver.]

I don't think that you can personally evoke such a response from a person. Their behaviour is up to them, not you.
I have had flashbacks during traumas which made me disassociate from the entire situation. It's not something pleasant to go through when you "wake up" and realize that you are in the midst of some new rough crap.

As far as scumbags that think it is okay to assault you, men prey on certain behaviours we exhibit, and those same kinds of men tend to hang out at the same kinds of places. I find that if we keep meeting the same kind of men, it's because we keep meeting them in the same kinds of places and it is time to start looking outside of our usual "haunts" to meet someone new.

Are you working with someone now to try to understand, sort through and overcome this most recent trauma?

 

[scout86]

I've read that trauma survivors can evoke the response from people that caused them the trauma to begin with. This is some sort of subconscious way of reenactment, assumed for mastery.

I don't think it's really 'evoking the response'. I think, sometimes,you can pick the wrong people for a variety of reasons like 'hoping to get it right' the next time. And you're not necessarily going to be aware that that's the pattern.

Both those guys did what they did because they are the kinds of people they are.

 

[Friday]

I don't think I picked bad guys and that's how this happened. Both appeared pretty normal middle class clean cut men.

Rapists are only allowed to be deranged, poor/wealthy, disheveled men?

 

[Deleted member 35429]

Rapists are only allowed to be deranged, poor/wealthy, disheveled men?

I just wanted opinions here that take into consideration that I'm not repeatedly choosing tough guys.
This makes me wonder if it's me. I feel like something about me pulled this craziness out of the second man. He was so calm and peaceful but after knowing me a while he became so violent in a similar fashion as my original trauma.

It was 7 yrs later. Maybe just bad luck? Hard to believe.

 

[Friday]

I just wanted opinions here that take into consideration that I'm not repeatedly choosing tough guys.

<rueful laugh> That's the thing, though... The vast majority of tough guys? Would never beat or rape a woman. Just like the vast majority of clean cut guys would never beat or rape a woman. In fact, having spent a great deal of time in both groups? About the only difference between these two groups as far a sexual violence is concerned? The rough men tend to beat the hell out of anyone who does assault a woman, while the clean cut guys call the cops. Most men? Just aren't rapists. Or abusive scumbags. Those that are? Come from every socioeconomic & sociocultural group out there.

People tend to want there to be some sort of visual clue, someone should "look" like they're dangerous to actually be dangerous. That's just not really the case. Especially not in weak-victim crimes... Where the person only targets women, kids, the elderly, the injured, people who trust them, people dependent on them, etc. Hell, there's even a category called the "low self esteem rapist" (they tend to keep apologizing as they're raping you, or are desperate for your approval / want to know you "like" it :meh:. This is also one of the only groups that tends to stop, instead of getting enraged and killing you, if you fight back. But that's only a tendency. A lot of low self esteem rapists will flip the f*ck out if you fight back / you're just like all the other c*nts, I thought you were special... And welcome to massive escalation of violence where they blame you for hurting them :meh:.).

But I'll tell ya something else, you don't have to be weak, to be targeted. The vast majority of my rapists have seriously gotten off on the fight. I'm 6 feet tall. I'm ex-military (or at the time very active duty military, and insanely fit). I'm -usually- athletic. I'm -often- armed. And I have been outgunned, outmanned, and outclassed more times than I can count. Just like there are abusers out there who deliberately target the self assured, confident, can handle themselves, types. Part of the "fun" is breaking them down, bit by bit, boiling the frog in water. It's a different kind of fight they're getting off on, but it's still a control-power-feature. My exHusband (clean cut middle class guy, btw.), an avowed "pacifist" :rolleyes:, only ever physically assaulted me when I was already injured or incapacitated. Sometimes he'd help that along (drugging me, etc.), but most of the time he just waited. Playing his power and manipulation games (where he reeeeeeally has his fun), until I was in some way crippled. I knew, I KNEW, that any time I injured myself he was going to be coming at me, hard. To the point I waited a year to have an urgent surgery. But I also knew he was an abusive twat. Which was lucky.

It was 7 yrs later. Maybe just bad luck? Hard to believe.

If all the men you dated in between Abusive Prick #1 & Abusive Prick #2 were really decent blokes? Then I'd be pretty inclined to think just bad luck. If you didn't date any men in between 1 & 2? Then I'd be far more inclined to believe its "you" ...as in whom you're choosing, or "you" as in who you're attracting... But "you" as in you've somehow got the magical powers to completely strip a man of his freedom of will, his ability to know right from wrong, his conscience, his agency, his actions and turn him into your puppet of evil? Honey. No. Coming from someone who takes self blame to an art form... No. That's just not possible.

Try turning it around. Can the gas station clerk turn you into a homicidal maniac? Or the postman turn you into pedophile? People are highly manipulatable... To a point. But at the end of the day, it's each of our choice whether or not we're going to strap on a suicide vest and blow up a cafe. Or grab a bottle and rape someone. It's not the other person magically getting io our heads and making us do that. We are each of us responsible for our own actions.

Unless you held a gun to this guys head threatening to kill him unless he assaulted you, you didn't "make" him do it.

 

[EveHarrington]

I don't think you caused him to choke you. I can't help but feel that you're taking in the blame for his actions. This doesn't seem to me to be trauma recreation. It seems that you had a bad event and then a second guy did something very similar. Reacting in the same way isn't trauma recreation.

 

[Freedomfighter]

I've read that trauma survivors can evoke the response from people that caused them the trauma to begin w...

Yes, everything you wrote about does happen very often and it strikes a similarity to my case. I was stalked by a person who received a slap on the wrist after doing so. If that would have been the end of the story I would have been very happy. But no, the very people I reported the crime to turned out to be cunning predators who have now tortured me for the past 6 years and they have done the exact same things to me than the stalker did in the beginning.

So yes, exactly that is what happens, when you relive your trauma you do not even realize that the second trauma is already happening.

And would you believe that those same sadistic people that further traumatized me call themselves criminal Justice professionals? And would you believe that they did all that while I was very sick and totally and completely unable to process "any" clear thoughts due to PTSD?

Would you believe that those same criminals attempt to shame me and lie about their actions every day? Would you believe that I was so ill that I actually believed that they would summon help?

For such criminals the laws on paper are completely useless, restraining orders would be useless to, such criminals have absolutely no morals, no ethical code and many of them are so sophisticated that they can mentally strangle a victim and even get the victim to cooperate under duress.

Unfortunately there are many things that I have learned about those kind of people.

 

[Gs172003]

I just wanted opinions here that take into consideration that I'm not repeatedly choosing tough guys.
Th...

It's far from just "tough guys". Sometimes the quiet ones are the worst. You can't assume someone is a certain way by personality only.

 

[Gs172003]

Truth is any man is capable. Do they all do it? Not necessarily. Can you tell by looking? Hell no.

 

[shimmerz]

My questions for you all are, do you think I evoked this same response from him?

No, but I do think that I miss certain cues that tell me that someone has 'had enough'. That pushes them, I think. So, no, I don't think you evoked the response as he is responsible for what he does, but perhaps someone with less trauma in their background would have packed up long before you? Just a suggestion.

Secondly, has anyone had a flashback during a second trauma so bad that they almost didn't realize the second trauma really happened?

Yes. This is where I really buy into the 'parts' theory. I literally became the victimized child when I was 45 and dealing with DV. I lost my adult self completely. I am still working on rebuilding her.

You may want to take a look at any references to Structural Dissociation on here and see if that resonates with you at all. I do believe that when a trauma re-enactment occurs, the body literally goes back in time and deals with it the way we did before, until we learn to bring it to an empowered completion.

 

[scout86]

Truth is any man is capable.

I suppose that depends on what you mean by 'capable', but I'd say women have equal potential.