Do We Trust Our Memories?

[driftaway]

I had to share, because my mind is blown and I don't know whether to trust it. I was randomly searching the internet and I found something about Polaroid pictures... And how you're not supposed to shake them.
All the sudden, without a jolt of fear or desperation, I remembered my abuser telling me that. And then I see in his hand he has a picture of me he's showing me. Jesus Christ, where did this come from? I never remembered that before. I try to think about this memory, to access more but its all gone. I know some of my memories are dissociated but how do I know if it is real or not?

 

[Powder]

That sounds terribly familiar.

 

[Stickler]

I am inclined to think recovered memories are just as real as the ones we"ve always had. Meaning that the details are not going to be accurate, but the gist of the story will be tremendously so.

 

[Sideways]

I had pictures taken of me being given the twice over by some guys at a party after roofies were dropped in my drink. I discovered there were photos after the fact. There's always been something about the fact that they took photos - it's not just a bad memory in my head, there's actual photos of what they were doing. Something about that seems to make the feeling of violation worse, like it's never just going to disappear into the back of people's memory. So I totally get why that would freak you out.

But one straight up question- why would your head make up that part? There's no reason for your head to do that...unless it actually happened. Wanting to forget that he took photos makes sense. So why would that be made up?

 

[Ronin]

I tend to go with, if it isn't real and acting as traumatic memories with alike intensity and symptomatology, then it most likely relates symbolically or associatively to something that IS real and was traumatic.

If it is real, then you need to deal with it as real.

Leaving you needing to treat it as real to decrease symptoms in every case, figuring what exactly happened and why later.

 

[Powder]

I agree with the others. Having photos taken of anything having anything to do with the abuse increased my sense of powerlessness.

I have a camera phobia. I can take some photos with my phone. My photography is not good because I get nervous and start shaking most of the time.

I have problems with cameras and especially with a tripod or timer, as that relates to trauma. Found out by having panic attacks 30 years after abuse from this.

Not only can the memory go underground for decades, but the trigger to phobias attached to it as well. These can surface later, as you talk about. It can seem mild and just "random" at first and quickly turn to a full blown phobia (aka, can't breathe when people are taking photos around me.)

 

[Ronin]

I learned one thing possibly helping with that is:

By having pictures/videos of me? These people still don't have me. And can't have me. I'm out, I'm not going back in, enough people would raise hell to get me back, so it's shit that's not happening again.

(Lmao, that was difficult to type out.)

 

[theshadowoftheliving]

Trauma memory is always real, I think. Not always factually accurate, but definitely real. I know I have memories that have to be dal - but I can't place them in a timeline, per say, so I question them. If this memory were of something more benign, say, a favorite birthday party as a child, would you question its validity? If it feels just as real as a memory like that, trust yourself.