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Do you all go to sleep each night and pray that you just won't wake up anymore, as well?

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Do you all go to sleep each night and pray that you just won't wake up anymore?

I spend each night praying that I just don't wake up anymore. I'm so tired of dealing with this each day and being separated from my family just makes the feelings more intense. As I've said, I don't believe in suicide since I've seen how it affects the families and those who respond, but I truly wish God would just stop my heart as I sleep even if I wake up in Hell at least I won't be causing anyone anymore pain or anger.
I pray on this everyday every night. Just take me.
 
Do you all go to sleep each night and pray that you just won't wake up anymore?
Almost every night for most of my life.
i wont ever take my life but i cant do anything about it if i just dont wake up.
sucks, or people say it sucks..... its suppose to suck but,
i dunno- just normal for me

and im working on making me the normal for myself because i find that i get more depressed and more symptomatic when i think "its not normal" compared to the average normal: or rather, what the rest of the world says normal is suppose to be.

so part of that is kinda, "if you arent going to bed every night praying to not wake up, you ain't normal" 😵‍💫 "im not weird, youre weird"
(really we're just all different)

but if it ever gets to a place where i feel like i cant be safe- id get help/voluntarily check into a hospital etc.
 
I've gone through dark periods in which that is the only thing I prayed. For me, it hasn't gone away. I just do my best to pray for others first and I'll usually fall asleep before I get to me.
I often become angry because God won't answer my prayer. As long as I can stay busy and no big stressors hit me or multiple ones, I keep the thoughts at bay. I know I shouldn't have the ideation. I think it's a combination of "things". The most detrimental issue I have is not being allowed to feel my feelings! I'm so tired of hurt, pain, lies, and so much more, not being allowed to feel, and holding so much inside that not waking would be such a relief!
I'll be 59 in a couple months and I'll be here when I turn 60.
 
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