It seems that there's a ton of empathy to go around on this forum. I've also noticed that a lot of people consider themselves to be anti-social. Do you ever feel that saying something comforting or "touchy-feely" would be awkward to say, even if you can relate to the experience?
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Poll Do You Ever Feel Like A Non-Empathetic Jerk?
- Post starter A-RON
- Start date
- Status
LOL. This is a good one. I especially liked the poll questions. I wasn't able to answer though, as I didn't feel any of them fit me.
For me, I can be very apathetic towards people. This is somewhat strange considering I am what is considered an "empath" in occult circles.
I do know what people are thinking quite often, but more commonly, I can just feel their exact feelings, even physical pain, as though I am experiencing it myself. This has made me a very compassionate person, who is usually able to give comfort, and care for others.
However, I have a big flaw. If I think the person is just whiny, or isn't justified in feeling as badly as they do, I tend to hold myself back, and not give comfort. I actually become annoyed with them.
I feel very badly for this, I mean, how judgemntal can I possibly be? I can feel their feelings. I know they're real, and yet if I think that they have a stupid reason for them, I can resist being helpful. I think it is awful of me.
I do this because I have been through some very severe things and when I see someone willing to kill themselves over losing a bf that they've only had for like 2 months, I just think they are an idiot who has never had a real problem so they blow little ones out of proportion.
I hate this about myself though. I am an intelligent person, I know how people work, and what makes them tick. I understand that a persons pain is the worst pain to them because it is theirs, and it makes sense to me on one level.
I just haven't been able to rise above my own crap. Sometimes I just get caught up and I think "if you're willing to kill yourself over a breakup, then you're an idiot...because I lived through gang-rape and torture, and somehow managed to not kill myself"
I am guilty of comparing others problems to my own, and finding them silly if their problems seem ridiculously small, or simple in comparison.
I am not proud of this at all, in fact, I think it makes me a complete jerk.
On the other hand, there are times I don't act like this, and very often I am the most compassionate, empathetic person you could imagine, and I would do ANYTHING to help another.
I am so sorry if I've offended anyone with this post. I felt maybe I shouldn't have said any of it, and that people are going to hate me for being like that...but if I cannot be honest here, and really "get real" then where can I?
Does anyone else find themselves thinking like I do? Or am I just a complete bitch?
For me, I can be very apathetic towards people. This is somewhat strange considering I am what is considered an "empath" in occult circles.
I do know what people are thinking quite often, but more commonly, I can just feel their exact feelings, even physical pain, as though I am experiencing it myself. This has made me a very compassionate person, who is usually able to give comfort, and care for others.
However, I have a big flaw. If I think the person is just whiny, or isn't justified in feeling as badly as they do, I tend to hold myself back, and not give comfort. I actually become annoyed with them.
I feel very badly for this, I mean, how judgemntal can I possibly be? I can feel their feelings. I know they're real, and yet if I think that they have a stupid reason for them, I can resist being helpful. I think it is awful of me.
I do this because I have been through some very severe things and when I see someone willing to kill themselves over losing a bf that they've only had for like 2 months, I just think they are an idiot who has never had a real problem so they blow little ones out of proportion.
I hate this about myself though. I am an intelligent person, I know how people work, and what makes them tick. I understand that a persons pain is the worst pain to them because it is theirs, and it makes sense to me on one level.
I just haven't been able to rise above my own crap. Sometimes I just get caught up and I think "if you're willing to kill yourself over a breakup, then you're an idiot...because I lived through gang-rape and torture, and somehow managed to not kill myself"
I am guilty of comparing others problems to my own, and finding them silly if their problems seem ridiculously small, or simple in comparison.
I am not proud of this at all, in fact, I think it makes me a complete jerk.
On the other hand, there are times I don't act like this, and very often I am the most compassionate, empathetic person you could imagine, and I would do ANYTHING to help another.
I am so sorry if I've offended anyone with this post. I felt maybe I shouldn't have said any of it, and that people are going to hate me for being like that...but if I cannot be honest here, and really "get real" then where can I?
Does anyone else find themselves thinking like I do? Or am I just a complete bitch?
- Post starter
- #3
HAHA!!!!! I'm cracking up!!! I don't even know what to say, but you just made my day. No, you're not a bitch. I just feel like for me, I have to take a step out of the feelings every once in awhile because otherwise I just feel blahhh. If some people are constantly stuck, than I don't think I relate to them because for me it's a roller coaster. And I don't think I should have to feel bad for not being able to relate sometimes, because it's just me at that moment. Sometimes I expect people to walk on eggshells for me, but I don't return the favor. And as I'm thinking out loud here, I'm thinking maybe I am a jerk.
I think your approach is actually good. If I was suicidal and then you told me your story and said, "Honey, get real." ...it would probably feel like getting punched in the face by my rescuer while being saved from drowning. Some things are necessary, no?
Wow, I feel like a jerk.
I think your approach is actually good. If I was suicidal and then you told me your story and said, "Honey, get real." ...it would probably feel like getting punched in the face by my rescuer while being saved from drowning. Some things are necessary, no?
Wow, I feel like a jerk.
LOL! Thanks A-Ron. That was a great reply...I'm giving you rep.
I did tell a guy my story once, and told him he was being a complete idiot because he was threatening to commit suicide because he didn't like his job, and then his parents didn't buy him what he wanted for Christmas...this guy was 27 years old, still living with mommy and daddy, and then he got online one day and starting bitching to me as usual, and saying that he was giving up, his life sucked, and he was going to end it.
Well he caught me on a bad day...I went right up one side of him and down the other. I told him maybe he should just do it and spare the world having to put up with him. Then I told him my story, and how he just sounded like a whiny child in comparison.
I was 18 when this little interaction occurred. I don't think he ever talked to me again, but I know for certain he didn't off himself.
This however is the only time I have ever reacted like this to a person's face. He was just TOO much. Usually I try half heartedly to make people feel better when I am in this situation, and then I go kick the shit out of my punching bag afterwards.
So yeah, I probably am a bitch...but usually not right to a person's face..I like to think I have a certain amount of tact.
I did tell a guy my story once, and told him he was being a complete idiot because he was threatening to commit suicide because he didn't like his job, and then his parents didn't buy him what he wanted for Christmas...this guy was 27 years old, still living with mommy and daddy, and then he got online one day and starting bitching to me as usual, and saying that he was giving up, his life sucked, and he was going to end it.
Well he caught me on a bad day...I went right up one side of him and down the other. I told him maybe he should just do it and spare the world having to put up with him. Then I told him my story, and how he just sounded like a whiny child in comparison.
I was 18 when this little interaction occurred. I don't think he ever talked to me again, but I know for certain he didn't off himself.
This however is the only time I have ever reacted like this to a person's face. He was just TOO much. Usually I try half heartedly to make people feel better when I am in this situation, and then I go kick the shit out of my punching bag afterwards.
So yeah, I probably am a bitch...but usually not right to a person's face..I like to think I have a certain amount of tact.
- Admin
- #5
anthony
Founder
I have changed the options to be more universal to the question without complication.
I voted sometimes. I am capable of emphasizing with close friends or family, though its difficult as I'm usually not even aware how others are feeling, unless they tell me. I have PTSD, but then again I'm also on the autism spectrum and autistics tend to have lower empathy scores, so it could be the autism. I reckon I have trouble with anything touchy-feely, just don't like that crap at all. Lucky for me my girlfriend doesn't either, so I don't even have to pretend to like it! ;)
Mina
Diamond Member
I voted "sometimes."
Luthien, I don't think you're a bitch or awful at all - your reactions sound pretty normal to me. We all judge the situations and reactions of others based upon our own perceptions, and treat them accordingly. I know if I didn't, there would be a lot of toxic, whiny people around me (and I just don't deal well with that).
There are people I avoid or verbally smack upside the head on a regular basis because of the way they act...and some of them are within my close circle. For example, my sister. I love her very much and when something's truly wrong I'm there. However, when it's stuff like the guy she's met turns out to be a jerk, I have little if any sympathy/empathy whatsoever. My question is (and I'm stealing DH's favorite line here), "What did you THINK was going to happen?" Eg, She meets a guy at a bar...he's drinking...she sees him snort a line...and then she goes home with him and goes to bed with him. Then is surprised to find out he's an alcoholic with a drug problem, and doesn't respect her. Ummm...why is that a surprise?!?
Or my pseudo-parents (esp mom) complaining about maybe having to get a job and go back to work (after retiring early). Well...they took 6 major scuba diving trips around the world in the last year, and bought a new car. And that's their 'normal' lifestyle. They've been watching the stock market go down for a couple years now, and know they're heavily invested. What did they THINK was going to happen?!? It's not like you can keep spending and spending with no consequences. Sheesh. No sympathy/empathy.
Like I said, I love these people dearly, but I'm just not willing to listen and be sympathetic or empathetic about some things...forget it.
However, if I do feel empathy for someone, I generally say it. It's being on the receiving end of sympathy or empathy that's difficult for me - makes me uncomfortable somehow.
Luthien, I don't think you're a bitch or awful at all - your reactions sound pretty normal to me. We all judge the situations and reactions of others based upon our own perceptions, and treat them accordingly. I know if I didn't, there would be a lot of toxic, whiny people around me (and I just don't deal well with that).
There are people I avoid or verbally smack upside the head on a regular basis because of the way they act...and some of them are within my close circle. For example, my sister. I love her very much and when something's truly wrong I'm there. However, when it's stuff like the guy she's met turns out to be a jerk, I have little if any sympathy/empathy whatsoever. My question is (and I'm stealing DH's favorite line here), "What did you THINK was going to happen?" Eg, She meets a guy at a bar...he's drinking...she sees him snort a line...and then she goes home with him and goes to bed with him. Then is surprised to find out he's an alcoholic with a drug problem, and doesn't respect her. Ummm...why is that a surprise?!?
Or my pseudo-parents (esp mom) complaining about maybe having to get a job and go back to work (after retiring early). Well...they took 6 major scuba diving trips around the world in the last year, and bought a new car. And that's their 'normal' lifestyle. They've been watching the stock market go down for a couple years now, and know they're heavily invested. What did they THINK was going to happen?!? It's not like you can keep spending and spending with no consequences. Sheesh. No sympathy/empathy.
Like I said, I love these people dearly, but I'm just not willing to listen and be sympathetic or empathetic about some things...forget it.
However, if I do feel empathy for someone, I generally say it. It's being on the receiving end of sympathy or empathy that's difficult for me - makes me uncomfortable somehow.
Sometimes I'm very empathics with others...to the point of almost experiencing others emotions. And sometimes I'm so detached from everything and everyone that I feel like I can just stand back and watch the world without any need to join or feel anything. Almost like I'm on the outside looking in. I've felt like this most of my life. The degree has just varied.
Lisa
Lisa
I am a very empathetic person, but sometimes I just shut down and I could care less about anything. I shut down. And I become very angry like, because I am angry because I can not control what happens in this world (the bad stuff). And then I literally shut down, I have no emotions, I don't care. I either become completely apathetic, completely militant, or completely paranoid and clingy. I work very hard not to let this happen, and now it happens in more subtle forms, where I just say to myself or out loud 'I don't care'. In this way I dissociate from 'it' in less noticeable ways. Though sometimes 'I don't care anymore' is just my method of 'releasing'. But when it comes to what has happened to a person I love (or just humanity in general)...I still have a lot of anger there, and sometimes when I feel that anger, I run away from it, I drift away and then I am asked 'why are you so cold?'.
The beauty of having Shamstalat in my life is that, we take these problems, put them onto the drawing board, and we work towards 'healing' and not stagnating in them. Still a long way to go, but as of late I think we've been really good with not being a non-empathetic jerk, but occasionally it happens, not so often these days but when they do it reminds me...We've still got a lot of healing to do.
The beauty of having Shamstalat in my life is that, we take these problems, put them onto the drawing board, and we work towards 'healing' and not stagnating in them. Still a long way to go, but as of late I think we've been really good with not being a non-empathetic jerk, but occasionally it happens, not so often these days but when they do it reminds me...We've still got a lot of healing to do.
Simpleman33
Bronze Member
I think in this forum I am empatheic. In every other aspect, I really could care less. Usually because people just complain about stupid things IMO. I have these issues on my mind, they are upset over spilt milk and I want to hit them. And when I share true things with people, the reaction tends to be something along the lines of them feeling regret for asking me because they don't have the stomach for the truth. That things are not all rainbows and unicorns, candy and spice.
missys_girl
Bronze Member
im not capable of a lot of empathy anymore, i can let ppl talk to me and i can listen but i cant empathise, think its just the whole robot mode, lack of emotions things
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