Do you ever think that maybe nothing happened to you?

[GlassBison]

I am going through some sort of denial where I feel like I made up my trauma. Logically I know I couldn't have... I was diagnosed with ptsd, I have details impossible to know otherwise, There was no reason to make it up, I have had ptsd "episodes" in public. I used to be absolutely sure, but now the retrieved memories that were once clear have faded, everything is foggy....

Am I alone in this? Does this happen to other people?

 

[asadafagahajakal]

Yup. Then I back track to the details then I’m like nvm that happened and ten other things

 

[Bristol]

Yep get this all the time though i have no evidence that it didnt happen and far more that it did, but its still easier to deny it all

 

[mumstheword]

I totally get that. I am so used to second guessing myself from a history of being ignored, invalidated, belittled, gaslit and having my experience and basically my personhood denied.
I am getting it a lot reading stuff here, I have to go over a lot of ground that cannot be denied, before I once more can validate my right to be here.
It's very weird and kind of surreal. Maybe it's another symptom?
Plus I have a lot of blanks in my memory bank, especially early childhood, but I know I've had this traumatization from very, very young, it's just been compounded and compounded by more traumatic and person-destroying stuff.

 

[MyWillow]

Yup. I have no memories of being really traumatised. So I’m either going crazy or the body remembers stuff the brain doesn’t.

 

[AnD]

Me too.

 

[GlassBison]

I totally get that. I am so used to second guessing myself from a history of being ignored, invalid...

That is awful! I believe that you deserve to be here as much as anyone else does!

I am glad to hear I'm not alone, but I'm sorry that you all have had to go through trauma as well.

 

[mumstheword]

Thank you :-) it's ok. I have a lovely partner and friends who validate me, love me, treat me very well, now. It's just from a lot of years in my formative life; childhood and a 21 year abusive relationship, so lots to reprogram and lots of brain/cognitive repattening/restructuring to do.:-) I'll get there, we'll get there, if we do what needs to be done, I believe.

 

[Ronin]

Sometimes, the denial is necessary to keep going.
Sometimes, it's not denial but healing from the pain, a good thing. :)

It doesn't invalidate your life or memory.

 

[Deleted member 8714]

Denial was the only way I could handle the memories for about the first ten years of remembering what happened to me. I had DID too. So I'd remember and then deny it. I kept a journal and that became the only way to know for certain what I remembered.

 

[GlassBison]

Denial was the only way I could handle the memories for about the first ten years of remembering what...

Journaling is a good idea.... I should look into it.

 

[Victory]

I am going through some sort of denial where I feel like I made up my trauma. Logically I know I cou...

Yup, it happens to me all the time and makes me feel crazy, but I'm not. I think it's a way of protecting ourselves. It's a way to give ourselves a much needed break from the never ending burden of PTSD. How does your body feel when you "forget" for a little while? Do you notice a difference? I do. I feel relief for a very little while, then bang...those memories are back in HD color, but somehow I feel more capable of dealing with the memories because of the break I've taken.