Do you feel guilty about giving too much information about yourself or your past?

[J_trustno1]

..giving too much information about yourself or your past?

How do you know when to draw the line and not reveal too much? Do you feel that this person you've told about yourself will use your info against you? I mean trusting issues. Do you also feel that telling others about yourself makes you vulnerable and makes you look weak in front of others? Do you also feel guilty that by telling your story you're asking for pity?

Argh, I'm having trouble with this guilt. Thanks in advance for helping me.

 

[Casey_03]

I used to feel this way all the time. It's what stopped me from ever opening up to people and letting them know what I was going through. My view was (and still kind of is) that everything that has happened to me is my burden to carry, and no one else's, and if I talk about it, it's like asking for pity or asking for someone else to carry my burden. Part of this is the toxic shame that comes with PTSD, part is the fear of being weak (those who've been abused are often determined to never let themselves be a victim again), and part of it, as you said, is trust issues. All of these things are understandable and normal -- but they need to be overcome. There's just no way to heal without opening up to someone. For me, not opening up made my symptoms worse and it all eventually boiled over into major alcohol abuse, and then it all came out when I was drunk. It became a pattern -- I'd only tell people stuff while insanely drunk. My point is -- the more you resist opening up about your past, the more problems you will have. And while it may seem weak to open up and be vulnerable, you will actually feel a million times stronger when you are able to open up voluntarily and speak about your past with no shame.

 

[ladee]

I'm interested in why you feel guilty. Maybe you could share that with us. But I don't open up to people about my life, rarely ever. I have known people for years, who were shocked to find out I had siblings !! I never talk about them. I'm not a good one to help with this one. But we all need to share with someone. The more we get out, the less that stays inside to continue to damage us... my 'paid friends', my T's thru the years were who I talked to. And that wasn't easy either. And doing Therapy taught me what to look for in people I did want to share with. Please don't feel guilty. I think I hate that feeling more than all the others combined.

 

[Ocean5]

@Jass_T Yes serious trust issues. I wanted to appear normal. Still do.

@Casey_03 Wish I was as strong as you. I just started opening up in past couple years, and see the damage it's done staying silent did to me... Yet still very private person. But I don't want to appear weak, or burden anyone. Even when people would tell me their problems & past - I'd remain silent about my own past & family.

who were shocked to find out I had siblings !!

Had that happen before. I guess in my own way anything related to my family was an off limits topic. Helped I had moved far away. I guess I'm good at changing topics until people understood not to ask. Or just being very general.

Guess I always felt like an orphan. It wasn't even like I was acting.

 

[Sideways]

I think there are healthy and unhealthy reasons for deciding not to disclose. For example, worrying that it will make you seem weak is normal and totally understandable, but it's a cognitive distortion, besides which, anyone that decides you must be weak because you're suffering from a normal and explainable health condition from a severe trauma experience - they need their head checked.

In other cases, the fact is that it can be distressing for people to hear, they might not be in the right headspace, it might not be the right time (for you or them).

I have a lot of trouble disclosing and I tell myself it's because no one else should have to carry that burden. Sometimes I think that's appropriate (eg with my sister, who suffers from her own major mental health issues). Other times, if I'm being honest with myself, it's actually just because I'm too ashamed.

Disclosing is really hard - not just getting the words out, but coping with the aftermath as well. But it seems to be one of those areas where there's a lot of us that find it really hard, but the reasons we find it hard can be as individual as our fingerprint.

Remember to recognise your achievements though - coming onto this forum, putting your hand up and saying "I have ptsd too" - that's a form of disclosure. You can minimise that by saying "it's anonymous, everyone here will understand, and I never give out the detail etc etc", but it's a big deal, no matter how insignificant it might seem.

 

[Klo]

I think the most important factor is in why someone is sharing. Needing validation, wanting to raise awareness of PTSD or different types of abuse, wanting to help someone you love understand that it's not their fault when you become distant sometimes, and so on, these are actually generous reasons. These are cases where people are making themselves vulnerable, but for a greater cause, whether it's their own healing so they can contribute more in life, healing for others through raising awareness, or protecting someone else's feelings, and so on. There's no reason to feel guilty about this.

It's very different from someone who shares with another person in order to guilt trip someone else, or get special favors, or other manipulative means. Usually when people do this, their sharing isn't even real, and it's a tactic known as the "pity play".

If you'e ever been a victim of the "pity play" from a malignant, manipulative person, then you might fall into the trap of thinking that sharing is always manipulative or selfish, but that is not the case. You know in your own heart that you are not trying to manipulate or exploit anyone, that you are just needing to heal and spread the power of understanding. Don't let shitty people project their own shitty-ness onto you.

 

[Changing4Best]

Around these parts there is a huge stigma against mental health issues, so I basically don't tell anyone. On the other hand, sometimes it is pretty obvious. Folks know something is "different" about me and maybe kind of avoid me I think. I used to have a service dog, and since I was not physically handicapped, I think they figured I must have been mentally so. (She was for my PTSD). So there is a barrier between me and many of the folks here, I think. Folks are "nice" but keep their distance in some cases. In others, they love me and accept me as I am, quirks and all. It depends upon where I am. At the Senior Center, I know I am loved and appreciated. At church, I am beginning to wonder. Here I am home bound and sick, and no one is coming by to visit or bring me meals. I know they do this for other folks when they are sick, so why not me? Makes me wonder....