Poll Do You Feel Guilty For PTSD Related Behaviour?

[Seychelle]

I have some guilt on and off now - I know that sometimes I let things fall through the cracks at work because I'm dissociated.

In terms of past behaviour, I can see why I acted the way I did and I've mostly forgiven myself for that because I'm making amends for it now. I think part of the moving on from guilt for me is being accountable for past actions. I find it easier to forgive behaviour from the past when it was before I knew what was going on. However, recent behaviour is a bit trickier because now I know what I'm dealing with so there's this feeling that I should be able to control my reactions more.

 

[bustedflat]

I definitely feel guilty because I am supposed to be super mom and lately such a mess.
The house is a wreck and I feel so anxious about it but then don't do much about it.

 

[vietnam2nd]

i voted seldom or never i didn't know i had ptsd drink alot and did stupid things but i thought it was everones eles fault not mind if they only would leave me alone. when i quit over seventeen years ago than the problems begin in va mental hospital in knoxville iowa. i got many false diagnoses that a black nurse told the doctor he has symptons of ptsd than i started getting prober treatment. i don't feel quilty has alcholism and ptsd is and illness. even thou it is and illness i take resposenbilty for the wrong that i have done.

 

[lnicho7]

I have an episode where I go numb and emotionless and I just don't feel anything toward people that I love. I went numb a couple of weeks ago and wanted to be alone because something really sparked my PTSD. My boyfriend was there and I just wanted to end it with him. I just didn't want him to see me like that but at the moment, most of all, I just did not want to depend on anyone else. I did not trust that he would be there for me or still love me. I came out of the episode and felt such intense guilt within a bit and cried to him. I felt like such a burden to him. I felt so guilty for hurting him for just being numb. It is like I can see myself doing the numb thing when I am in that moment and I see the effect it has on people but I can't stop it. I am getting better at controlling it but when I am in that place, I feel as though I could be alone forever and be fine with it. I am rambling but yes the guilt is with me every day. I am more to deal with than someone who does not have PTSD and I feel a burden and guilt over how I can behave.

 

[judyandsus]

In no way do I feel guilty. I also understand my siblings behavior and two of them have done some pretty rotten things. They just did as they learned to do from our father

 

[Dylan]

In the past, particularly before a correct dx, I felt very guilty for my behavior. I thought it was simply because I was a slime-filled, undisciplined, anti-social, self-indulgent horror.

Luckily, I went through a 12-step process and made amends for the behaviors, and now that I know what's really wrong, I feel less guilt and don't ruminate over all the damage to others (although I still am working on the regret/loss of all the years/time/opportunities, etc).

I have to take responsibility for my behaviors, sure, and I feel sad that I respond the way I do at times, but...not guilty so much anymore.

I very much related to Inicho7's post....way back when, before I received this dx (so didn't know what was wrong and hadn't done any work on it directly), I used to get triggered and "disappear" for days and days, sometimes up to a week or more. My partner would say she could look in my eyes and just nobody was there. I was completely shut down, remote, removed. Nothing could reach or touch me, and I so strongly resonated with, "when I am in that place, I feel as though I could be alone forever and be fine with it". Strange as it may seem, that shut down, removed state certainly was a break for me, albeit an involuntary one, from the day-to-day struggle that I lived back then.

-Dylan

 

[Auburngirl]

I do, and I don't think I've done anything particular nasty, but I feel guilty about not having as much time for friends, having a hard time paying attention and listening sometimes (especially if the topic is disturbing), I have to be really strict about sleep and how much responsibility I take on, so I feel guilty for not doing enough, being anti-social, etc. I feel guilty for not being well, and for using the country's resources to get better. I feel guilty for needing help at all, and not being able to get better on my own, and for the fact that there's a waiting list and not everyone gets the help they need.

That said, I also feel enormously grateful, and am absolutely intent to give back to individuals and for society/the system for helping me get through this. I'm already working on two projects to help establish resource guides/policies. I hope I'm a more empathic person as a result of this, and I hope that if someone comes to me with a similar condition I'll know how to listen and where to direct them. I try to alleviate my guilt for costing the country money, with the fact that I will be able to give more when I'm well. I will be a better member of this society, and I am so thankful to have encountered doctors who said, "no, you shouldn't have to live with this, we will help you through it."

 

[Mina]

I sometimes feel guilty and apologize for not being "normal," especially to my husband. We haven't even been married a year, and because of the PTSD, I'm so different from the girl he was dating. I feel like this isn't what he signed on for, having a wife so out of balance, like he married Dr. Jekyll and now got Ms. Hyde instead.

However, I try to temper this feeling with remembering that it's not my fault. It was his dog that bit me, and he ignored my fears before it happened...I think he feels guilty too, like he was in part the cause of my PTSD for his failure to hear me.

I also feel guilty regarding my friends, since I've mostly shut them out. I know some of them think it's personal and that I'm pointedly ignoring them, and that's so not the case.

 

[rallynut78]

There is a constant reminder of my rage in the form of a hole in the master bath door.

 

[midi]

I feel very guilty about things I've done in the past, things I can't change. I realize now that it's just the outcome of being raised to be violent and aggressive and - well, living in a domestic war zone. Time on a violent rez showed me that--we were like pack dogs--sometimes you attack other dogs, sometimes you lick their faces. That was my childhood--but I still feel a lot of shame over what I did to other kids. We were a brutal, nasty pack of abused and neglected kids to be around.

 

[Irton Pike]

i find the guilt crippling. I have actually come out at work in order to help deal with it. Logically i am not ashamed. Emotionally, I am.

 

[Salu]

Yes, sometimes. Mostly I feel like I´ve failed my parents and their expectations about my life and personality and a way to handle situations. I feel like a burden and I honestly think their life would have been a lot better had I never been born.