Do You Know Why You Feel Violated After Dealing With Co-workers And Or Individuals .

[madmax]

I cannot be alone on this am I?

I had a Wi-Fi company employee come into my house yesterday. My head was spinning I felt violated.
After he left my house I felt tired,numb and still violated.

Max

 

[Pencil]

You're not alone. It has to do with lacking 'psychic skin'. I'll look for the reference and post it - I just remember reading it and thinking 'Bingo!'. I find it very difficult to keep people I have to deal with (as opposed to want to spend time with) OUT of my head or something. Especially if they have to come into my space, such as my home. And when they do something that annoys me, such as make a noise or touch something they have no reason to touch, or have any intrusive mannerisms, it takes me a while to rid my 'being' of them.

 

[StarChild]

Dear madmax, no, you're not alone with this. Every time when someone has to come in our flat e.g. to read the heating or electric meter, I suffer high anxiety, stress, and some sleepless nights before they are coming. I don't fear the person actually, but my flat is some sort of my only safe, or I'd rather say, my hiding-place. I really don't like any other persons in it, not even friends.

Like you, I feel violated and very insecure. And it's an enormous stress. My best friend has always to be with me, during such appointments. And after they're gone, I almost collapse on the way to my bed. Shaking and totally exhausted, often crying...

 

[NarcSis]

You're not alone.

High pressure situations, sales people and people in "positions of authority" make me extremely nervous now, my mind starts reeling and gets lost in the babble, I can't think straight and it makes me feel vulnerable, that vulnerability triggers the shaking, crying and exhaustion - not to mention the self-doubt after having made a hasty decision based on wanting to get rid of the trigger. (resulting depression, self loathing, disappointment, anger etc.)

I have theorized that it is due to the trauma and is most definitely a lingering trauma symptom, something like, during the "point of injury" our mind was overwhelmed and any situation that remotely comes close to that high pressure/decision making environment, number one is a direct reflection of the point of trauma and number two results in the same vulnerability/overwhelm reaction that occurred at the point of trauma.

I look at it as, it's not me, its my biology reacting and all I can do is recognize it, accept it, practice being assertive (or downright rude if that's the only other course of action) and finally, be forgiving of myself for my reaction to the situation (regardless of what the reaction is).

PTSD is a stress injury and the Stress Cup analogy says it all.

 

[Pencil]

I don't fear the person actually, but my flat is some sort of my only safe, or I'd rather say, my hiding-place. I really don't like any other persons in it, not even friends.

E feel exactly the same. So when someone follows me into my bedroom I feel almost violent. As you said, it has nothing to do with fear, simply with boundaries and privacy.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

My home is my safe place. Out there I have to put on a mask and be normal. In my home, not so. When outsiders come into my world, it's as if worlds are colliding. I suddenly feel the need to wear a mask in my own home. I feel like everything has to be perfect or I'll be judged just like when I leave my home. I hate it.

 

[Pencil]

SoL, I think that explains the 'violation' - it is seeing behind the mask, where they are not allowed.

 

[quaintpapercut]

I experience the same and it causes me serious distress. We recently had an incident with a local utility company needing to repair lines that are on the back of our property. They wanted to come and go as they pleased as they did the repair work intermittently over a number of days. It took a lot of phone calls to get them respect that we needed times and dates. The whole thing was exhausting for me and I was on edge for days.

It really made me appreciate my partner though because he really went to bat for me - he did all the calling and emailing. I never would have been able to do it.

 

[a3a2]

I feel very violated by a co-worker. She bullied my students, my child and other co-workers. She repeatedly lied about me to my superiors. She even got caught in the lies. I cannot even begin to describe how she makes me feel. Any words I write seem far too trivial.

 

[ashdawn8287]

For me, I realized at a young age, someone took my view if the world and shattered it to pieces.

Those bad traumatic experiences led me to believe everything and everyone was bad and a minor unimportant intrusion and violation brings up all those traumatic feelings again.

I'm in constant fight or flight mode but I recognize it better now because I realized those feelings are wrong and are past related. Basically when I feel violated or unsafe in minor situations I step back and tell myself it's okay and I am safe and these bad gut feelings are past related.

Sometimes I just allow that personal violation, mistrust, unsafe feeling consume neice and I allow myself to feel it and make myself move on.

At first it seems like chaallenging those thoughts is impossible or won't work. But over time they do.

As for coworkers I just distance myself. I go to work and do what I'm paid for which ironically is a trigger. I purposely work in an uncomfortable environment (waitressing) to challenge myself and get over my fears. Especially fear if people since for the longest time I generalizes my past experience with people into the present, where those generalizations do not belong because they are not accurate.


If someone at work pushes the wring trigger I realize it is a self issue they have with themselves and not my fault. The bad feeling goes away and my reaction changes because I changed my thought process.

 

[Upside Down Eagle]

And when they do something that annoys me, such as make a noise or touch something they have no reason to touch, or have any intrusive mannerisms, it takes me a while to rid my 'being' of them.

Wow, that is a really good description.... Max, I used to really experience this when I was working as a postman. I would walk across the street and all these people would be around me that I did not know, and I felt like they wanted something from me, especially if they were looking at me. I quit working there because of it, even though otherwise it was a pretty nice job. I don't usually feel violated by coworkers, more frequently by either people I don't know, or people that are close to me.

Especially those who are close to me get under my skin like that and make me feel incredibly violated :( Yesterday I had to sit with someone in a car, and I felt like that, well it was hell for both of us. It almost felt like I was being molested by his very presence. Even though he would probably not even think of such a thing.