Do You Look Your Age?

[Kas_Can_Fly]

When I was younger (early teens) I was always told I looked older for my age. Now I have the opposite, twice this week I've been asked my age and told I look about 18, maybe younger (I'm nearly 25) by two very different people. Also I've been told by several others in the past year or so.

I've also noticed I used to feel older than everyone at school etc because I was more mature and had been forced to grow up because of abuse. Now I'm barely able to look after myself and I feel very childlike in many ways, physically, interests, attention etc. I don't know if I'm childlike because I'm incapable of so much or incapable because I'm so childlike! Although there are still of things where I seem appropriately aged or too mature towards.

I wonder if it's the way I hold myself that causes people to ask, as I often hold myself with my arms crossed and holding my shoulders or other defensive/safe-feeling anxious positions .

Is this trauma related (looking a lot younger than you are, more than the feeling) and has anyone else encountered it? Are these people just making stuff up and it's just a coincidence that they've all happened to say the same thing? Is it a compliment? What do you say to someone who's said this? It's all a bit baffling!

Thanks in advance. :)

 

[Deleted member 26314]

I look younger than I am, though I feel older than I am (maturity level wise). I think looking younger/acting younger is part to do with my trauma and part to do with my childhood. Feeling older than I am, I know is related to trauma.

You're behaviour could be giving off the impression you are younger than you really are. Very slight, probably unnoticeable unless you were specifically looking, mannerisms. Like you said, crossing your arms, holding your shoulders etc. Holding your shoulders is quite commonly thought to be related to younger children who are also anxious or frightened. People might not even consciously notice these slight mannerisms, but they do notice them in a sense and put those behaviours together with a possible naturally young looking complexion.

I'm not an expert, just giving my theories since I encounter a similar thing. As far as I am aware, the looking younger but feeling older in terms of maturity could be common with those who suffered a traumatic event in early life (anywhere from early childhood to early twenties). However, I don't think PTSD is an explanation for these things, I think it's more of a reinforcement. A lot of people show similar feelings and experiences in regards to age and how they look/feel, but I think when you suffer through a traumatic experience in early life (and also possibly had other childhood issues), feeling older but being perceived as younger is possibly reinforced and emphasised.

I also think that, since you said you also act childlike (interests, physical behaviours, etc), this could be trauma related especially if your trauma occurred in early life or if it involved close family/parental figures etc. That kind of thing, if your trauma is related to childhood experiences (and I am not asking that you disclose this information) then the fact you act childlike and you're perceived as younger than you are, could be due to this.

I'm not an expert and most of what I have suggested is contradicting of itself and speculation. Since I am only 16, I have not had as much experience as necessary to understand my own experience with this, so like I said, it is all speculation and guess work. I hope I have helped a little, at least to give you more ideas to think about in regards to this.

Answering your question as to what to say in reply, I'd take it as neither a compliment nor an insult. Just take it as their opinion and try not to have a feeling towards it. If they say you are younger, act as though they are complimenting you. I say don't take it either way as to not confuse your self or worry about whether they are insulting you or complimenting you.. if you ignore whether it is a compliment or not, you can't get too focused on which way they mean it. Anyway, I'd say "Thank you" and laugh it off as if they are both joking and complimenting you.

I'll stop now, I hope I have helped you at least a little. Good luck finding your answers!

 

[1moreday]

When on social or new environments I do tend ro behave more animated. Likely, an attempt to mask the utter terror I actually feel. My husband comments on this and we tend to refer to it more lightly, a nervous tic kinda. For me, the experience of analysis of the 'every why, where and what triggers me' is exhausting. Just my own way of handling it this one facet of each complex day.

 

[Go Hungry]

I used to feel old beyond my years when I was very young. Now that I'm older I feel like a kid sometimes. Can't win for losing. One good thing I guess is that people routinely say I look about 10 years younger than I am. I hope that stays the case. :p

 

[Deleted member 1860]

I look younger than I am, but it's not trauma related. People in my family age very well and everyone on my dad's side looks younger than they really are. My dad says that I look just like my aunt when she was younger, so I'm glad I have more of my dad's genes!

I don't think you can definitively state this is trauma related though. We all vary so much, as do environmental factors and such. I don't drink, do drugs, use sunscreen and stay out of the sun religiously, and don't have kids. Yeah, all of these stressors add age to people, and I have none of them. I do deal with the stress of PTSD, but fortunately it hasn't added on years (yet!).

 

[ChasingMyTail]

I look much younger than I am, most people think I am in my early 20s which is annoying. My biggest issue with it is people mistake my daughter and me as sisters and in some cases twins. I am always reminded that I should be taking it as a compliment but it triggers me badly. On a good day I might banter back but mostly it just makes me depressed.

I do act younger than I am but I blame that on being a Virgo rising.

 

[Philippa]

I look much younger than I am. Most people think I'm in my early 20's...I'm 40 this year. I don't really keep track of my age and don't believe in getting old. I'm young at heart and this shows...plus I have both parents who look younger than they are, so I think it's also genetic to a degree...but I also don't smoke, or drink regularly and I don't have kids, plus I eat well. I take it as a compliment, though sometimes I do feel a little abnormal. My body is like it's pre-pubescant at times. I don't act how women my age act, and they all look older than me. when I'm actually older than they are. It can be freaky at times.

When I was very symptomatic I did catch myself sounding like I was very young, as though I had regressed to being a 5-10 year old. It was a bit eerie at times, and I know other people found it freaky and weird of me. I felt very weird when that was happening. I'm glad it isn't anymore.

 

[shimmerz]

Most people I know who have been traumatized look younger than they are. I am guessed to be 15 or so years younger which is substantial. I as well am mistaken for my youngest son's spouse so he won't go anywhere with me anymore - it is creepy for both of us actually. My come back is well thank you very much but at times I feel 75. It is a double edged sword. If I was in a good place I may actually have taken it as a compliment but I find it hard to take those in these days. I just try to focus on the person's intention when they tell me such and it eases it for me.

 

[Wyakin]

I look older than my age. I am the youngest staff member where I work but no one would believe it. I am 25 this year.

 

[Spiderallis]

I get it a lot too- really confuses me when people ask if I'm in school. I'm 33, a couple weeks ago I was mistaken for a high school student. A good portion of it has to be how I dress, the more grown-up styles don't appeal to me. It happens to my mom too, people think she's much younger- really gets dad angry when people think he's her father, he's two weeks older than she is. I smoke, I eat junk, and joke that it's the preservatives keeping me young. When I was younger I drank and did a fair amount of drugs, no lasting impact on my looks though.

I take it as a compliment when someone thinks I'm younger. People spend tons of money on lotions and potions to look younger, all I need is a good bar of soap.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I always looked younger than my age but not anymore. I am fifty nine years old and my age is showing now.

I always took it as a compliment but it was annoying to be carded so many times.

Enjoy it while it is happening to you. It is a gift I think to look younger than you are. My husband was the same way.