Do You Need To Forgive To Move On??

[fish out of water]

Hi

Thoughts please? My therapist has suggested that I need to move on and try to have some form of happiness, however I am finding it difficult to forgive family members who have hurt me and broken my heart.

Do you think we can move on if we don't forgive and where do I start?

Thanks

Fish out of water

 

[Shellbell]

Hey FOOW,

I started a thread on this 'Forgiveness - Is this a necessary part of true healing from abuse' back in Sept. There were many replies, if you search that, you'll see lots of good points there.

It's a very emotive topic.

Shellbell

 

[fish out of water]

I started a thread on this 'Forgiveness - Is this a necessary part of true healing from abuse' back in Sept.

Thanks

 

[AS1975]

Personally I refuse to forgive in the classical sense, some things are unforgivable and I refuse to make myself a victim because someone else decided to act in the way they did. I refuse to try and understand them, to justify their actions or to rationalise their acts away. They did what they did, I can accept it, I'm not going to forgive it, that is god's job, not mine. I accept things, whether for good or bad they did happen, wishing isn't going to change that, but I can move forward with the knowledge I have gleaned from each experience.

 

[ISupportHer]

Yes, been a topic before but my way of looking at it is that foregiveness is not necessary. Nor should it be pushed on you because then it is a response to someone else's expectation, not YOURS.

Acceptance, on some level, is another thing. Maybe acceptance is not the right word, but I hope that you can come to terms with it and heal. But that is different than saying you have to forgive. That is up to you. It may be a good thing but it's your own self-reflection and healing that will determine that.

I should point out the obvious and say that I am not a "sufferer" or "survivor" and in no way want to try to force my thoughts on you or anyone else. Just my observations.

ISH

 

[Autumncolors]

Fish out of Water, I think we need to feel the hurt and pain before we can heal and forgive! I have tried to skip the hurting part and move straight to forgiveness.

 

[fish out of water]

Thanks guys, i am really feeling the hurt and pain and the best way to describe it is to say that my chest hurts and i just feel numb all the time. Not only do I have to relive my trauma and overcome physical pain and disabilities , I have to go on with my heart so empty and sad. I don't want to feel like this all the time.

I think i have accepted that my family don't want to support me but I don't understand why?

What makes people walk away when something horrific happens to their daughter/sister? it just doent make sense.

Thanks for listening and understanding x, it more that my family do.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I am stuck on just learning to let go. I think that is a form of forgiveness. If only I did not take things so personally. I am doing better but I have along way to go. I want to have a live and let live philosophy. I want to remain calm in the face of adversity. I hope this is a realistic goal.

 

[discarded]

Gizmo, I am also one who finds it hard to just let go. If I am the one that who has hurt someone I can't let go of the guilt either until I make up for it some how. Makes life a real struggle sometimes.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Disgarded, I know what you mean. I hate the guilt and shame if I have hurt someone. I so want to let go of the hurts others have inflicted upon me. It does make life a struggle.