Do You Perhaps Punish Yourself By Resisting Self-care? Why?

[Philippa]

Maybe it's my depression that keeps me from caring from myself. It makes no sense. I do the least amount possible when I need it the most. My chronic illness needs a lot of care, and on bad days, I just can't get myself to do it.

I think it's one of the first signs of depression, when we don't take care of all the 'little things', like brushing our teeth, and showering etc. I think it's ok to forgoe these things for a day or so, but any more than that and it becomes harder to start doing it again.

I force myself to eat on days when I don't feel like it from depression. I used to go sometimes weeks without brushing my hair or teeth when I was younger, though I'm not sure if this was from depression, or just laziness of a teenager?

 

[shell]

I have always not cared for my self, although I wouldn't consider it punishing myself, rather just continuing the neglect of my childhood.

I am chronically dehydrated, have never had a full check up ever, and never go to a doctor until I have had the problem for several months and it won't go away. But knowing it and recognizing it, hasn't motivated me to change.

My doctor tells me off, and gets angry but I just keep doing it, I feel like it's not okay to complain.

I have never cared about my health, and now don't even care about my weight, even though I need to. I have had surgery on a few occassions in the last few years, after my husband got really angry at me for not going to the doctors, and yelling at me to make me go, because I avoid all contact. I minimize what I am feeling, and appear to be unable to recognize when I should seek treatment, even when I need help urgently.

I guess I would have to care about myself for that to be possible. I am getting better, now it takes me months to go for a problem and not years.

 

[Spiderallis]

I minimize what I am feeling, and appear to be unable to recognize when I should seek treatment, even when I need help urgently.

I know what you mean all too well. That habit almost killed me about a year and a half ago. By time I caved in with "Okay, okay, I'll see what Urgent Care says." they took one look at me and called the ER to let them know I was on my way. Sadly, it was not the first time the ER has had things ready and waiting when I got there.

 

[Philippa]

I have a similar thing with recognizing and admitting to myself that I need therapy, and actually seeking it out.

I recognised that I needed therapy about 3 years ago...and apart from counsellors, which have been helpful in their own way, and the occasional art therapist here and there...I have not really committed to seeing a professional therapist.

I do want to, but I have had so many other things on my plate, like finding a good home, which took me 6 months, then with the recent leaving of the job after being attacked and slandered, well, I have enough money to buy food and rent, and food for my kitten and a little left over for a treat, but nowhere near what I would need for therpay.

I have gotten my old job back, though I don't really want to work there, as it's a call centre and surveys are pretty boring...but I can do it until I find something better, or get my own business off the ground (hopefully soon)

 

[goingonhope]

.....

 

[goingonhope]

I almost posted but I haven't got the courage to say what I want to yet. I will but :sick::facepalm::stop:

KP, did you find that courage?

 

[Traumagirl]

I started work again this week. It's the first time since June (I'm a teacher) and it will be the first time I've worked full time in a year. I do better when I work part time, but we need the money(husband has cancer). I just hope that I will continue to care for myself, even though I'm exhausted all the time. I have hypothyroidism, adrenal fatigue and chronic fatigue, so I need to make healthy choices. I need to work full time for four months and then I can go back to part time. Let's hope I can keep my health from getting worse. Hugs to anyone who needs them.:)

 

[Zef]

I definitely have issues with avoiding self-care. I have a few physical ailments that, along with my PTSD symptoms, would be much improved by regular exercise, but no matter how much my reasonable brain tries to do it, for some reason, it just doesn't happen very often. . .and when I do exercise, (and I actually enjoy it when I do) it takes a huge mental struggle before doing it.

Sleep is another huge one for me.

 

[KP the nut]

did you find that courage?

No.

Okay, deep breath.

I punish myself by, breathe, bingeing on chocolate and alcohol. I sabotage every attempt at being healthy because I feel I am hiding me under a layer of fat.

Okay, said it. Now just to press post.

 

[amethist]

You are a really friendly person KP, OK so you may think you are hiding behind a mask, but you cant keep it up for all those hours we have spent together.

I feel that what I see is part if not a lot of who you were before your accident.

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[Deleted member 12723]

(((KP))) You are such a wonderful friend. I hate to see you being so hard on yourself. You are a treasure to know. I am inspired and constantly amazed by knowing you. Big hugs.

 

[Traumagirl]

KP, I understand exactly how you feel. I do the same things. It's like I'm so unhappy that I just can't find the strength to pull myself out of it and do something healthy. You are a good person and you'll figure out a way. Hopefully, I will too.