Poll Does Anybody Have Displaced Internal Rage?

[maddog]

This issue is becoming a really, really big problem for me lately, and is something I am going to need to find the courage to directly confront therapeutically I think. I am almost completely unabel to feel or express appropriate anger at the things done to me in my past, and it doesn't seem to matter how hard I work to do this, that part of me feels dead.

Sadly, it comes to life with frightening intensity in any number of unrelated and inappropriate contexts, usually involving people who stray into my personal space, patronise or insult me (in my perception) or when I am startled to fear or very high anxiety by pretty much any stimuli in the world. My tendency to default to verbally aggressive, rude and antagonistic behaviour is horrifying to me, as is the increasing compulsion to turn that verbal onslaught into a physical one. Truly, I am very very scared that I am going to start physically attacking people, and that's not ok.

People who know me and haven't witnessed this behaviour genuinely don't believe it, as I don't present as anything remotely resembling an aggressive or violent person. But whether or not others believe it, I know it's true, and there would be probably hundreds of anonymous members of the public out there ready and able to testify to it too.

Not surprisingly, all that I'm left with when the anger dies away (which it does as quickly as it appears) is terrible, terrible shame, which turns the whole cycle into something about as damaging and self-destructive as possible.

I am going under quickly and need to help myself, I know it.

I wish I could just punch a pillow or scream into the wind, the way people say is supposed to help, but I can't even bring myself to try.

Maddog

 

[safenow]

People who know me and haven't witnessed this behavior genuinely don't believe it, as I don't present as anything remotely resembling an aggressive or violent person.

I so relate to that. I had to go to two classes before that dissipated. One was an anger management class. One was a class on assertiveness.

When my fear is triggered, I get way overboard. But at least now, I know what to do about it. I hope you can take that assertiveness class first. It is wonderful when you can do that.

Good luck, Maddog

 

[maddog]

Very, very good advice. I know I have more of an assertiveness problem than I do an anger management problem, though both seem to be steadily increasing, right along with the shame.

I do exercise a lot and tend to try to say, and to make myself believe, that this helps to channel my angry energy into something safe and productive. But the truth is that it really doesn't make any difference and somehow there is no connection in my brain between the pentup anger and the physical outlet of exercise.

And I can barely even tolerate the thought of overt displays of controlled aggression, such as a punching bag, and I don't even know why. I assume it is related to my general fear of displaying emotion...

Yes, really need to talk to the therapist about this...

Maddog

 

[Finding Shawna]

I have a hard time being angry outwardly with someone. I grew up in a home where NO emotions were talked about, or shown.Therefore, the anger ends up inside me, and it can get VERY overwhelming. Being angry at myself leads me down a 'dangerous' path.

Ditto

 

[ericaboo]

I get so furious when I feel I'm being threatened, targeted, blamed, scapegoated or bullied. Often a minor situation becomes so triggering for me that I have to run away to keep myself from becoming violently angry and making a fool of myself.

I try very hard to look inside and figure out what is the true event that I am reacting to - obviously, it's not the petty situation going on in the moment, but I just draw a blank. Many of the abuses done to me are still buried just below the surface, and I can't calm myself down, not being able to understand the source of my reaction...

Later on I can only theorize as to why that situation triggered me so badly.

 

[NLS]

I voted "Yes". Rage has been my best friend most of my life and it can be a serious enemy out in public wi...

WOW, WOW, WOW...for the first time I don't feel alone. I've said the same words...rage served me, kept me safe in an unsafe place, etc. Thank you.

 

[Lopezwhere'sthefire]

Yes to the rage, displaced? That depends.. I have heightened state of "disrespect" or "injustice". That's in quotes because It's my personal perception of disrespect and injustice. So in that sense, I'm sure lots of it would be considered displaced or unwarranted. I'm big on speaking out and challenging others when I think they are creating that atmosphere. I'd like to become more passive like I was when I was a young child. I'm tired of fighting these battles. When did I decide I needed to police the injustices of the world?

 

[Ronin]

Displaced, no.
Disproportionate? Very.

As in - the placing of it would be right, but the intensity is not worth it, and I'm aware is something I need to work at regulating, or if not regulating, finding better use for.

 

[Whyteferret]

My anger tends to turn inside. Depression. Anxiety. But, I also explore verbally. I am worried about hurting myself more than others.

It makes me feel strong and safer if I am angry rather than when I'm anxious.