Does anyone go in and out of denial?

[Rachel541]

I verbalised my trauma for what is actually was to my therapist because I wanted to push myself to acknowledge it. I didn't end up well for me. This week it feels so very distant from me. It's as if it doesn't belong to me. I still get flashbacks but feel disconnected. Is this just part how it all works?

 

[sidptitala]

yes, for me this is absolutely how it works. i probably spend a 3rd of the time thinking i invented everything for some unknown reason.

 

[silverlinings1069]

I have this same occurrence.

 

[CooCoo4CocoaPuffs]

This sounds familiar!

 

[Nessa7]

That's how it works for me, also. Each time it gets a little bit easier, but I still felt like this for a few days after talking with my therapist about a traumatic experience that we hadn't worked on before.

 

[KayW]

Yes, this is something I experience

 

[Friday]

Yep.

Unless I’m with others, who have the also unspoken rule to keep it light, & make jokes. Then? It sinks in as real. But not if it’s all dark and f*cked and emotional.

 

[No More]

Yep.

Unless I’m with others, who have the also unspoken rule to keep it light, & make jokes. Then? It sinks in as real. But not if it’s all dark and f*cked and emotional.

Very little makes me as happy as finding my people with whom I can laugh with over things that would have most other people running from me

 

[Friday]

Very little makes me as happy as finding my people with whom I can laugh with over things that would have most other people running from me

My fave trauma therapist… who volunteers with NGOs a few months outta the year… and I had a standing joke/commiseration about the “Wrong crowd! Wrong crowd!” moment; when one tells the hilarious mass grave (or whatever) story to? The PTA. Or 9-5 work friends. Or at the family party. Whoops! Face. Palm. Wrong crowd! Wrong crowd!

And??? Ooooooh shit. Dammit!!! >.<

The balance of …not exactly, but also not-not-normalizing… but MORE the clarity of shared experience? Cannot be understated.

 

[Weemie]

when one tells the hilarious mass grave (or whatever) story

One of us, one of us!

 

[Freida]

Yepper!

My dissociation has become a kinda joke between me and my therapist because even after all these years of therapy, and all the acknowledgement that trauma is real, I will still start some sessions with....

"You are a lousy therapist because you can't see that I'm lying my ass off."
Then she laughs and says "I'm very good at my job. Much better than you are at denial and dissociation"

Talking about trauma and then dissociating from "OMG I talked about TRAUMA" is just a normal part of the oh-such-fun journey that is ptsd.

 

[katkit]

The worst bit is not believing yourself