Does Anyone Have Good Advise For Me?

[jajackson]

Hello. All my life I have been hurt by any one that I have ever cared about. My brother raped me for three mouths, my father always brought me down. My mom was never really there for me, and my sisters never saw any of this as wrong. All of my friends had some how hurt me in the end. My very best friend, the one I love more than anyone else, basically denied me after I left for college. I thought it would get better at college, but it wasn't. I found, what I thought was a good friend, until he found out that I had a Learning Disability (LD) on top of PTSD as well as ADHD, and said I was to "f*#@ed up in the head" for him. And on top of everything, my family is going though a divorce, which is putting finical stuggles on everyone. Does anyone have any good advise for me? - Thank you for your time.

 

[The Albatross]

Welcome jajackson, it sounds like you've really got a lot to deal with. During times when I'm feeling overwhelmed... I find support (like you did here) and I try to bend my mind to the things I can do for myself that can improve myself. Because I'm not in control of others...what they are doing or going through is their thing. But I am large and in charge of me and my personal struggles. I can do something about what I am thinking or feeling. Being proactive helps me the best. When the world looks chaotic and messy, I pull back to what I can do to help myself and try to set boundarys on my own thinking, and limits on the amount of time I will use to worry or relive what happened to me.

Counseling for the family disfunction, sexual abuse/rape, and PTSD would be helpful.
Developing a support system (like finding the forum here)
Practice self care
Learn new and more effective coping skills
Sort out and decide the primary things to attend to and choose to table (postpone or set aside) the rest until things calm down a bit.

Glad you're here.

 

[KP the nut]

Hi jajackson, welcome to the forum.

There is a lot of information here both in the articles and threads.

I try and and manage my stmptoms by doing the grounding techniques my T taught me and by following tips I've found here. Also to break things down to what I can affect and deal with and what is outside my control. Looking at the whole is overwhelming so small bite size pieces helps me.

Wishing you peace
KP

 

[Froggie]

Welcome to the forum jajackson, you already got a great deal of good advice from The Albatross and from KP, I would just be repeating what they said.

 

[Kim]

Hi jajackson,

I can relate to some of what you've gone through and it's not easy.

I agree with what KP and The Albatross said as well. You can't control the behavior or actions of others so you need to do what's best for you.

As far as your college friend is concerned, if anyone was f ed in the head I think it was him. A true friend would have been more understanding and supportive. If he was a true friend it wouldn't have mattered. Just my opinion.

 

[freakofnurture]

Hi jajackson. The things you experienced with 'friends' are not terribly uncommon. There's an active [DLMURL="https://www.ptsdforum.org/c/threads/trauma-from-childhood-how-many-have-ended-up-with-abusive-partners.18590/"]thread[/DLMURL] right now covering one aspect of this - marrying an abuser after having been abused during childhood.

There can never be a guarantee that a person you befriend doesn't turn out to be an idiot in the end. Still there is a lot you can do to get better at spotting little behaviours that show you how someone 'ticks' and if you should really engage with them any further. Also while you heal you'll grow out of a lot of attitudes and behaviours that make you a 'good victim'; you know, abuse leaves one cut to size and full of expectations about oneself and other people that enable your abusers to hurt you by proxy, even after not having seen one in decades.

Look around the forum a bit. You'll find a lot of threads/posts that deal with realising and protecting your own rights and boundaries, saying 'no', trusting your own feelings concerning what you're comfortable with, learning which little behaviours, remarks, looks, demands... are actually abusive, learning to take better care of yourself, to be kind to yourself etc.

There's really a lot you can do to protect yourself :)