- Admin
- #37
anthony
Founder
Scarlette, I want to apologise to you for my last post and banning you. I was wrong for doing so actually, and it has been sitting on my mind now for the last couple of days.
You see, it goes something like this; I try and do my best here, to help those who suffer what I suffer, to see another side of this disorder, a side that is there, you just have to be willing to find it. I found it, hence I want to help others find it, so they too can also hopefully pass their knowledge and learning along, in hope to make anothers suffering less. Less than what is needed to endure this disorder alone.
When you said what you said, it hit a raw nerve, a nerve that I felt everything I was doing here was worthless, and I know its not. You see, I don't see myself as a rock, or the center of this community, I see myself as someone who has healed, who has knowledge and experience to pass to others, who just wants to help others get past PTSD. The very members of this community is what makes it so, not me, not another member, but the entire community, and I always remember that, it sits in the back of my mind constantly. This community makes me feel good, knowing that others are healing, hell... I can see others healing within here, and when someone berates me I guess, about how this community functions, or the worth of this community, it really does feel like someone just kicked me in the guts. You are only the second person to do this too me, the first was via email, which I published here, and that felt like being kicked in the guts also.
What I see in you, is someone who is lost, just as I once was, someone who is trying to find security, people who understand, and that is what you found. What I do see though, is that your trying to justify your self worth to the community, trying to be a rock, which I see as a mask of inner self esteem problems. What you need to know scarlette, is that you where accepted here the moment you said hello. You don't need to be aggressive towards anyone here, because the majority suffer and endure the same pain as you, myself included. Whilst my pain is very minimal nowadays, I still have those days.
I lashed back at you because I felt that kick in the guts. I felt useless, in that I was seeing the very same destructive behaviour I once also did. I too have my bad days, but I understand them better nowadays, can self analyse the issues, and rectify my problems. I have been more stressed lately, and that is no secret, as those who venture here most have been kicking me in the arse to not over do things, as I do, and most here. We jump into our work 110%, and I have always been that way, even before PTSD. That is why I apologise to you, because my own stress impacted my response to you, when I felt you where kicking me in the guts for trying to help. Instead of showing reason, I presented aggression myself, hence I am as much to blame as you for the remarks made.
This isn't about whether you stay or go, this is about me telling you I did just as wrong as you did, with my response. I feel a bit better now saying that.... and that is the aim of this.
You see, it goes something like this; I try and do my best here, to help those who suffer what I suffer, to see another side of this disorder, a side that is there, you just have to be willing to find it. I found it, hence I want to help others find it, so they too can also hopefully pass their knowledge and learning along, in hope to make anothers suffering less. Less than what is needed to endure this disorder alone.
When you said what you said, it hit a raw nerve, a nerve that I felt everything I was doing here was worthless, and I know its not. You see, I don't see myself as a rock, or the center of this community, I see myself as someone who has healed, who has knowledge and experience to pass to others, who just wants to help others get past PTSD. The very members of this community is what makes it so, not me, not another member, but the entire community, and I always remember that, it sits in the back of my mind constantly. This community makes me feel good, knowing that others are healing, hell... I can see others healing within here, and when someone berates me I guess, about how this community functions, or the worth of this community, it really does feel like someone just kicked me in the guts. You are only the second person to do this too me, the first was via email, which I published here, and that felt like being kicked in the guts also.
What I see in you, is someone who is lost, just as I once was, someone who is trying to find security, people who understand, and that is what you found. What I do see though, is that your trying to justify your self worth to the community, trying to be a rock, which I see as a mask of inner self esteem problems. What you need to know scarlette, is that you where accepted here the moment you said hello. You don't need to be aggressive towards anyone here, because the majority suffer and endure the same pain as you, myself included. Whilst my pain is very minimal nowadays, I still have those days.
I lashed back at you because I felt that kick in the guts. I felt useless, in that I was seeing the very same destructive behaviour I once also did. I too have my bad days, but I understand them better nowadays, can self analyse the issues, and rectify my problems. I have been more stressed lately, and that is no secret, as those who venture here most have been kicking me in the arse to not over do things, as I do, and most here. We jump into our work 110%, and I have always been that way, even before PTSD. That is why I apologise to you, because my own stress impacted my response to you, when I felt you where kicking me in the guts for trying to help. Instead of showing reason, I presented aggression myself, hence I am as much to blame as you for the remarks made.
This isn't about whether you stay or go, this is about me telling you I did just as wrong as you did, with my response. I feel a bit better now saying that.... and that is the aim of this.
