Relationship Does Being Separated Help?

[Gorjussgeorgia]

My husband has combat ptsd, we have had a pretty normal marriage and it's been good. We have been married for 5 years. He recently told me that he doesn't love me anymore ( this was a week after the 10 year anniversary of his sgt's death) so he asked myself and our son to leave while he works on himself and tries to feel something again. I went back to my home town. He's in therapy but hasn't had a real appointment yet. What should I expect when he gets into the therapy because the therapist said that it's going to get a lot worse before it gets better and he said that he's already hurt me enough so it would be better for him to do the therapy while we are gone so he doesn't hurt me anymore than he already has. Does being separated help? It's only been two weeks so I haven't seen any difference. Thank you all for your advice.

Also the said " I hate therapy" but I asked him if he would do it at least for us and he is. Do you think he still loves me it's just buried? I don't know how someone can love you one day and the next not have any feelings for you. My heart is broken but I will stand by him as long as it takes for him to get better.

 

[Emily18]

I'm sorry you are going through so much right now.

Many people with PTSD, myself included, tend to eventually withdraw or push away the people in their lives. This is harmful to both parties as the sufferer loses support and the other person is often confused and frustrated. It is great that he is going to therapy now. It could also be beneficial for you to see a therapist. I know many people who are in a relationship with someone with PTSD have found therapy helpful and reassuring.

It may get worse at first in therapy since part of the healing process is dealing with the trauma and emotions. There will be some changes in him but in the end, he is still essentially the same person. I can't say if being separated will help, I believe it depends on the people involved. There is always family/marriage counseling that may help as well.

I can't speak for his feelings though and everything said above is just from one sufferers opinion. Sometimes it's hard to distinguish symptoms from true feelings. I believe patience and communication will be your best tools.

I wish you the best of luck.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

I think it is quite possible that his feelings are just buried. Have you read about the stress cup? I think it may explain a lot. For me, when my stress cup overflows, my emotions just shut down completely and I go numb. It is the reason why I go from loving one minute to "I don't care and I don't need you" the next minute.

I know it is very hard and you may never be able to fully understand, but perhaps for now you could try to accept that this is where he is at and that healing oftentimes progresses slowly.