Does Long Term Child Abuse Mean Taking Medication Forever?

[TeaLeaf]

I am getting really frustrated with feeling like the long term abuse I suffered as a child permanently changed my brain. I feel like no matter what I do, the negative things I learned from my parents come back to haunt me.

I have tried many types of therapy and am still in therapy today, it helps but I feel like I will never "graduate" and that depresses me. I've also tried many complementary therapies and natural treatments and some of them help but I never feel like I am going to be in a good enough place to not be on medication long term. I can do well for awhile but if something bad happens I completely fall apart if I am not on an antidepressant meaning I can't cope, get suicidal thoughts and more depressed.

The longest time I have been off lexapro in the last 10 years has been a few weeks. For most of the 10 years, I have been on a low dose, like 5mg and have done well or at least been able to function. Sometimes I think the dose is so low that it must be the placebo effect. I want to stop taking medication because of the side effects and also because I want to have a baby but I am losing hope that it will be possible.

Anyone been able to be off medication long term after been on meds a long time? Do you feel like a person that has sustained long term child abuse can heal their brain?

 

[Lucycat]

Sorry. I feel like I am very much better. But I still take Quetiapine every day. I manage a few days without it ( when I don't need sleep) but otherwise I have been taking it for 4 years now. T says it doesn't matter. I can take it forever if I need to. What he does not seem to understand is that I don't want 'to need to.'

 

[a3a2]

I can relate to much of what you have said. I have been in therapy for a long time now. I work hard on it, and have gotten so much better, but I still have my struggles. I don't mind the meds so much, but hate that ptsd is still such a disruptive part of me.

A few weeks off the meds, and you are still in withdrawals. I am not sure if it a good test of how you would be without meds. Can your doc suggest meds that would not harm the baby?

 

[rightkindofme]

I've been in therapy for thirty years with no end in sight. I medicate and I think my whole life would come crashing down if I didn't.

I'm in the same boat and it feels scary. I tell myself that when I am sixty I won't be in the same life
position and maybe I won't need meds under that amount of stress. Who knows? One day at a time.

I don't like that I need meds and therapy because my childhood broke me. I don't have to like it but I have to do it. :(

 

[franciemarnie]

I don't take meds anymore and deal with the feelings and the processing and releasing of them thru somatic therapies. It is night and day the change in my well being.

I do think the years of adrenaline and cortisol floods during the sustained period of childhood abuse altered my system including my brain. If you are flooded with acid, it effects your stomach big time. Why wouldn't the stress hormones change our biology too? But I do know significant healing is possible.

 

[xena21]

I have no idea about all the night and day crap. All I know is my therapists tell me I need to take stuff. I am well educated, but I have been thru it too much to look anymore in this category. I have to trust they will do something right. They tell me to continue therapy and I do it now. They tell me to take meds, and I do it now. I hate it and I butt heads with them sometimes, but I haven't faired well on my own.

I worked in very high profile jobs but that doesn't mean I know what drugs or therapy I need. All I know now is I do what they say. I was in and out of hospitals before that, and I don't want to be there again. I am not too proud to say other docs know that I need help.

 

[NovemberStar]

I don't think it does necessarily. I have been on and off meds over the years. I had 12 years of stability, no PTSD and managed to achieve life long dreams in that time. Another trauma triggered PTSD, and I'm again on meds (a whole bunch of new ones).

The way I see it with psych meds is this - some people need insulin if they are diabetic; it's an imbalance in the body's usual state. If you / I / any of us have a chemical imbalance in our brains, we take psych meds. It's not good, it's not bad, it just is.

In terms of planning a baby - talk to your Dr about this. The meds you're on might be relatively safe in pregnancy. Yes, they will all have advisory warnings 'not to take in pregnancy' but they will all have a pregnancy risk category - why? Because meds cannot be tested on pregnant women. No study would EVER get ethical approval to 'see what happens' when pregnant women take certain meds. HOWEVER - only a relative few meds have been known to absolutely harm a growing baby (usually epilepsy-type meds). Most might list possible side effects (i.e. tremors in baby after birth, for a few days) but nothing long term or anything that will cause major problems for baby. (I work in obstetrics and have cared for a lot of women on many different meds - I am not an expert in this field, which is why I suggest talk to your Dr, if you haven't already).

It might be if your Dr recommends not taking that particular med in pregnancy (talk to an obstetrician, not a GP, as an obstetrician will have more experience in this) you could plan to slowly change to another one.

Pregnancy and having a baby is a MASSIVE change and a HUGE time of stress - to go off your meds might possibly be the worst thing you could possibly do, prior to becoming a parent - newborn babies are incredible hard work, a lot of sleep deprivation, and hormonally and emotionally, it is a huge time of adjustment. Unless you are stable in your PTSD, your risk of postnatal depression and or lapse into PTSD symptoms would be pretty high.

 

[rightkindofme]

I was unmedicated through my first pregnancy and it was the most euphoric, wonderful time of my life (even though I was very sick) and then the whole first year was fabulous. The second pregnancy and second first year of life I had to have medication or I could not care for myself or my kids at all.

It is crazy what your body will do with pregnancy. If you have doctors you trust, you can probably find a route through. You might be on meds, you might not. Maybe through your pregnancy you can get weekly acupuncture, massage, and therapy and maybe you can limp through without meds. Who knows.

Talk to your doctors about options. Pregnancy is *nine months*. Parenthood is forever.

Despite my mental health struggles I am a very good parent. My kids are lucky to have someone like me... despite my struggles. Maybe my struggles are part of why I am such a good parent.

It's a tough road but if you feel you really WANT kids... negotiate. Talk to people. Get lots of options. We live in an incredible time and place for chemical help.

Good luck.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

I think part of the problem is your perception of medication. PTSD is the only psychiatric disorder with a definitive cause. If you had major depression or bipolar disorder or schizophrenia would you feel the same? That is, these disorders don't have a specific cause like PTSD does. Maybe this is part of the problem---because PTSD has a cause, we think that if we "undo" the damage, that we can heal and become "whole" again, whereas with other disorders, there is no undoing the damage, it is simply a matter of accepting what is and for the most part, coping so that you can live the best life possible. I mean other disorders are more accepted as a matter of biology, but PTSD less so, and I think this is a major reason why some people are unable or unwilling to accept the realities of actual biological changes in our disorder.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying all is hopeless, go bury your head in the sand because life isn't worth living. Rather, it is more effective to perhaps change your negative view of medication and stop seeing yourself as a failure for not being able to undo the damage. Chances are you are fighting against biology. Its like trying to make diabetes go away by going to talk therapy---simply put, not going to happen.

 

[bluebird]

Hi, I've been on medication for less than two months, but I will continue for as long as possibly needed. I understand you are struggling a lot, I really do... I didn't want to take any meds. I wanted to be strong and all these things. I wanted to be perfect... I didn't want to be dependent...

But then my self-harm issues got worse and my T and my friends persuaded me. It took me some time to accept this. But - I am here, alive... I didn't lose dignity nor value as a human being... I am not weak.

There is no real difference between medication; I think diabetes is an excelent example...

Imagine a child taken by some mad-scientist who injected antibodies against beta-cells of her pancreas. The child was saved, but the cells not. She has to take insulin for the rest of her life... does it somehow make her less valuable, weak...?

I believe not... as a child, I was being hurt in a different way, but it had consequences on the still developing connections between my neuron-cells... therefore, now I need medication... there is a chance that the cells will recover. Maybe yes. Maybe not, and I will still need medication - but it this actually happens, it doesn't mean I am weak...

The cells may remain damaged; I do not know that. But - we are not damaged! Neuronal or beta-cells might are not able to recover, but these are just a small part of us... it doesn't matter that much... what matters, is that we can recover... and that we remain whole... :)

 

[TeaLeaf]

Thank you everyone for the support, it's good to not feel so alone in all of this.

Solara, I think you accurately described some of how I feel about taking meds, I do feel like if there is a cause to my mental health problems, I should be able to "fix" it myself and be healed.

Rightkindofme- I so understand the "no end in sight" for therapy. It's painful and I too don't want to feel like I have to take meds and do therapy because my childhood broke me.

FancieMarnie- Can I ask what somatic therapies you have tried?

 

[greenleaf]

I've also been on a couple of medications for a number of years, with a few attempts to go off that didn't work well at all.

@TeaLeaf and @Solara -- this must be just so I can feel better about myself, but I find myself wanting to reject words like "broken" and all the guilt around needing medications.

If the perpetrators had taken a weapon to our leg, and we needed a prosthetic to walk, we wouldn't think about this as us being "broken", would we? It seems to me that the distinction made between damage inside our brains and damage outside our brains is a big problem in our societies...

Yes, our brains are "us" in a sense, and we have a lot of control over ourselves and neuronal plasticity and all that, but it's not infinite in all dimensions. The U.S. Rep., Gabrielle Giffords, who was shot in the head, hasn't been able to "think her way" back to perfect functionality. She's bravely worked and worked and gained a lot of function in spite of the criminal acts that injured her. I hope that our societies can come to view ptsd similarly; maybe at least we can try to, and be kind to ourselves about this?