General Does Ptsd Dissasociate Someone Enough To Cheat?

[Deleted member 17302]

I found my SO cheating and she hasn't been herself for about a week. She seemed stuck in an episode for that time period and when I asked her why she was cheating on me she acted like someone I didn't even know. She seemed possessed and strange. Her mood changed moment by moment as I had the police remove her from my appartment. I don't know how her family is going to take this because they are definitely not prepared to deal with her episodes.

I was not willing to enable her to cheat or do other horrible things. I can deal with the irrational rants, the anger that doesn't have a source, etc. but not cheating or her going to jail or what not that has serious consequences.

So the question I have here is does PTSD really dissasociate someone that far from themselves to not even realize they are pissing away their future with their significant other?

We were very in love until the event that caused her PTSD and since then she has been slowly turning into the monster I see today. The possessed woman that scares the living shit out of me.

I mean her rants include things like: "I wish you were forced to watch your children die in front of you" and other things like that. Supremely messed up things.

 

[amethist]

Sounds like she is need of some serious therapy and soon.

Cheating is not a part of PTSD, they do it through choice. Maybe to prove they still can have a relationship with some one, maybe to prove they still have what it takes, but using PTSD as an excuse is a no no.

Start reading some of the info available throughout the forum, educate yourself about PTSD as much as you can, doing that will give your a lot more answers.

 

[Deleted member 17302]

Cheating is not a part of PTSD, they do it through choice.

So I am guessing it is game over forever then :unsure:

I just don't see her doing this before the event happened.

 

[amethist]

I am not saying it is over, that is your choice, but for many of us, cheating would be the deal breaker.

If you would not tolerate it before PTSD, why tolerate it now.

 

[Bilby]

I was not willing to enable her to cheat or do other horrible things. I can deal with the irrational rants, the anger that doesn't have a source, etc. but not cheating or her going to jail or what not that has serious consequences.

This must have been so incredibly hard for you, but it is also essential that she realise that you were not prepared to tolerate being treated with such disrespect and that you were not going to stand by and just let it go.

I'm sorry that she has been so abusive towards you - PTSD certainly causes a hideous amount of anger and often it can feel that it is directed at us when sometimes it isn't, however I can see from what you have said that she has been quite specific with certain statements and that's not ok. You need to set your boundaries and stick to them - that said, it is far easier said than done. It is awful to watch someone you love self-destruct in front of you and the life you had planned together, your hopes and dreams, vanishing into thin air.

There is absolutely no question that your partner needs specialist help and treatment. This is crucial. Whether or not she fully realises what she is doing to her relationship? I'm not sure to be honest - it sounds as though she is lashing out very badly at you - whether this is because you remind her of your daughter (going by your thread in the introductions section) or how she perceives your grieving process is going differently to hers, I really don't know. I think it would be useful for you to speak to someone professional as well so that you get the support that you need too. This forum is incredibly useful too.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Just my two cents but I agree with Bilby, she desperately needs help and treatment. What she is doing is beyond the norms of Ptsd. I wish you well. It would be a deal breaker for me. What she is doing is wrong in my opinion. I have ptsd and I have never cheated or chosen to even think about it. It was not a good thing to do in my opinion. I valued my husband that much.:hug: You be good to yourself. It sounds like you have been through hell. Do not be hard on yourself. You are not alone. Many know how it feels.

My mom had an affair with a married man and they got a divorce and she abandoned me and left me with my dad who was my abuser. i was so angry with her. It has effects. I know it is not the same thing as you are going through but it is similar. I really wish you to take good care of yourself. No one else is going to. good luck.

 

[discarded]

Cheating on me was my deal breaker in the end. Or rather more the fact that he would not discuss what he had done with me. I think in a way it started like a fantasy to take him away from his daily life (at first it was internet based), but then it progressed to phone calls and texts and although he denies it I suspect they eventually met in person. Either way, I viewed it as a betrayal of our 28 years together and I couldn't get passed it. It hurt that I felt I should have been the one to take his mind off his problems but he shut me out and pushed me away, all the while having a relationship with this woman. He doesn't show any remorse for what he did and I don't know how to forgive someone who feels there is nothing to forgive. I do feel a lot of it has to do with his PTSD, that is the not being able to communicate but as for doing what he did, he knew it would upset me so did it behind my back. I found from an annonymous source.

I would really be questioning her love for you.

 

[Deleted member 17302]

This was the first traumatic event in her life really. She hasn't had to deal with much pain in her life and this was her firstborn child.

What she did wasn't right and I don't know if it was because of PTSD or not but I am sure that she would never had done this if it wasn't for the traumatic event.

I feel many symptoms she does but I have always been a strong person and have dealt with pain my entire life.

I think she just wants to die and is doing everything but commiting suicide.

I just don't understand the dissasociating thing very well. Can help really help her get over this or is it a permanent condition?

 

[Bilby]

PTSD can certainly make people behave in strange ways - certainly in ways we would never have expected them to do so. It's alarming at best.

That said, I still believe you did the right thing with respect to how you responded to her cheating. You still have to respect yourself. Illness or not - cheating will never be ok. Don't make the mistake of allowing PTSD to excuse inexcusable behaviour. I realise this may sound cold - but please understand I'm not intending it to sound that way - my words are coming from a place of concern for both you, and your partner, ok? :) I can tell that you really want to help your partner in whatever way you can, so I'm glad you are asking questions and trying to learn about PTSD - that's an important step for you too.

I believe PTSD is always there - much like any mental illness - however, it can be managed, provided of course that the sufferer is willing to seek help and do what it takes (which is by no means easy). Treatment can be incredibly hard work and painful for the sufferer, but the aim is to set them on a path to being able to manage their lives and to live life as fully as they can. It requires effort, committment and hard work - and time. Lots of time, patience and understanding.

 

[Deleted member 17302]

Why does ptsd happen from a point in life yet cannot be removed by some methods? I would really love to have my fiancee back. She was wonderful and my dreamgirl

 

[Nicolette]

Why does ptsd happen from a point in life yet cannot be removed by some methods?

I am sure the sufferers themselves would want to remove it too. It can however be managed but it does take a lot of work and commitment.

 

[Bilby]

Has your fiancee received a diagnosis of PTSD? It's important to know this, so that she can seek the right treatment, and so that you can begin to understand the complexities of life with PTSD.

Much like any mental illness, it doesn't just go away. It can be treated, and managed, but life is different - your fiancee will be different - as a result of the trauma she experienced. Life will not be as it was before.