Does ptsd make grieving worse?

[Jen93]

We had something happen in my family and someone died. I had an interview (three interviews in the next week) and in typical Jen fashion decided to go to the interview instead of the funeral in another province. I didn't think I could handle the grief of the family. I kind of wanted it to be on my own time.

But goddamnit. (At I allowed to swear here? If not I apologize.) it was very public in that province and I can't go on social media because I keep seeing her picture.

I keep moving from numb to full out-sobbing to (as of yesterday) anger, to numb again. The numbness lasts the longest. I kept trying to repeat to myself "It's not about me. Stop making this about me." I'm trying to keep a cool head and cheer everyone else up a little in messenger. But my brain is an idiot and thinks it is about me; so waves of emotions. Go figure. But; I also have that factor the rest of the family don't (or didn't?) before.

And now I'm wondering; Does PTSD make grieving worse? I'd be interested to know if others think so too.

(And for anyone who may ask; yes, I made an appointment with my psychiatrist for tomorrow morning. At first they said October and I screamed I needed one NOW, and a spot miraculously opened up.)

 

[shimmerz]

Does PTSD make grieving worse?

Yes. It makes any emotion that passes through the numbness of PTSD pretty exaggerated.

 

[Jen93]

Thanks; I also just remembered the PTSD cup explanation. It's here somewhere. :banghead:

 

[shimmerz]

Here you go!
The PTSD Cup Explanation

 

[Jen93]

Thanks shimmerz.

 

[illusionist]

I'm pretty sure the numbness makes the grieving process go on longer than it normally does....two steps forward, three steps back.

 

[Gadgie]

I remember right after my wife passed, I was going through a "spell" with PTSD, which made my grieving even worse, and left me really upset and confused.

I just seemed to drift from day to day, even so badly that I lost a few days along the way?

 

[EveHarrington]

Holy crap!

I had those EXACT cycles!

It was maddening!

 

[ShodokanJenn]

Yes, PTSD makes grieving worse. And grieving makes PTSD worse. It's a nasty cycle. When my good grandmother was killed, it REALLY threw me off. First, the grief was so much more intense than I think it would have been ordinarily. And all the self-blame and shame and self-hatred came roaring in loud and angry and persistent. And I ruminated on those feelings. Then the flashbacks and nightmares and intrusive thoughts starting gaining frequency and intensity, and I ruminated on THAT. Which made the emotions worse. Which made the PTSD worse. Which... well, you get the idea. It was my Pastor who finally convinced me to take steps to get out of the cycle. It's been a long, hard fight.

One thing that has helped me is setting aside specific times to let myself actively dwell on the grief. Then when that time is over, no matter how badly I feel, I engage in something else distracting. Letting the feelings have their place takes away some of their power and intensity, and gives me a sense of control. Maybe that's something you could try?

 

[Jen93]

I have been distracting myself; at work; the problem is when I'm finished everything I have to do and I've cleaned everything. It's like "Welp, time to think about how you should be at the funeral tomorrow..."

I think it's the fact that it comes in waves, that's what's making it difficult right now. I'll be distracting myself and then a wave of grief out of NOWHERE. It's just really sudden and it's not like I can ground myself like I do with a flashback because it's not even a flashback it's just a dumb emotion.

 

[Deleted member 34328]

I'm not sure I agree with the assumption that PTSD will automatically make grief a more intense or prolonged experience.

Even as the "The PTSD cup explanation " says, everyone deals with grief differently. The shock of loosing a loved one - especially if it's sudden and unexpected, can cause anyone to raise their stress blocks to a maximum level - perhaps overflowing level.

PTSD sufferers have ptsd for a reason and deal with stressors or triggers on a regular basis. I'm dealing with a huge personal grief situation right now along with my siblings. Some of them are handling this with much more difficulty than I am. Perhaps therapy has taught me coping skills that they don't have, I don't pretend to know.

I guess what stands out to me is that most of the above comments are just as applicable to non sufferers as to sufferers.