Does This Happen For Anyone Else When Dissociative?

[Poofycat]

My husband can tell when I'm dissociated. I shrug my shoulders a lot, repeat things, and get a glassy look in my eyes. I've never asked him exactly what I repeat, whether it's just words or full sentences. My voice changes, but I'm not sure in what way.

 

[Dissociated1]

Do you think that the reason we don't speak during these memory times is because when the trauma happened,...

There are many reasons why an alter may not speak. My Child alter is old enough to talk and has a vocabulary to say how he feels. He cannot speak because my parents didn't care what he had to say. Regardless of how badly I want to speak, when he is triggered my jaw feels as if it is wired shut. His mouth is wide open as if he is screaming in his flashbacks. Absolutely no sound comes out, just the forced rushing sound of air. He has slowly come to trust that I care about his needs, wants, thoughts and feelings and has begun to communicate what he is thinking in my mind and stutter to my wife.

 

[WhisperingUnicorn]

My husband's "others" don't really speak for themselves with me very often, except every RARE now-and-again his "Grumpy" side when he takes over, but that's usually with very good cause - an identifiable trigger that we can reason through together ..

If his "others" are talking TO him inside, he will stutter to me to "represent" or "filter" all the thoughts .. and usually we can work that through together, too ..

I also want to be more attentive to other "non-verbal" cues if that will make me better able to a) help keep him "grounded" in the moment and/or b) encourage his "others" to be more bold in speaking for "themselves" if the occasion warrants. He's generally very good about "sharing the microphone" when the others have a very intense desire to tell me what they're thinking in the moment .. and we have enough trust between us they know they CAN talk to me, sometimes they WANT to talk to me, but most often they want "him" to tell me what "they" want to say .. this is most true with those parts we have affectionately named "Femmy" and "Little" (who are kinda the extroverted and introverted sides of my man's "inner child") ..

Even though "Femmy/Little" are mainly "integrated" now (to the best of our knowledge), I still want to be ALERT to their needs .. aware of how my man as a whole has need for affirmation of my faithfulness, for example, or encouragement in areas that make him nervous so he can "drum up" his OWN courage (without "switching" into "Grumpy" - and btw, "Grumpy" PREFERS this .. ALL of my man prefers this - he'd rather I be the one to handle this aspect of "Grumpy's job" cuz he's not encouraging, he'll just take over and, as my man puts it, when this happens, "ALL of them" suffer - That's complex too, though, cuz it's not that "Grumpy" is necessarily internally abusive, he's just ABRUPT; but if he FEELS the need to take over, the "Littles" KNOW they're in some kind of danger, or at least that the situation is such my husband perceives it that way .. We're getting better about him discerning what counts as a "real threat" vs. what is not, though, too .. and "Grumpy" is HAPPY when I encourage his "others" to be more brave, cuz that lets him "sleep" which is all he says he really wants, is to not be needed unless he WANTS to speak for himself ...)

~WU

 

[WhisperingUnicorn]

@Dissociated1 .. I think it is absolutely LOVELY and beautiful and "praiseworthy" that your Child alter is able to speak to your wife for himself!

My man's "Little" has often been more whispering - like he's telling me a secret, or asking a secret question. It's SO cute! :inlove: and I LOVE that he's gotten braver and braver over time!! :inlove:

It's been a beautiful thing, really, and seeing "Little" has been like getting to know my husband as he was when he was a boy, which is VERY precious to me, cuz it's like we get to make up a little for lost time (we didn't meet till he was already turning 40 and me 30, so we "lost" a lot of years we COULD have loved one another, and we really in some small ways are "getting those years back") .. I get to know my husband SO much more deeply and intimately than most wives do, so I count it a great grace, and PRIVILEGE, and treasure .. and from things you've said, I suspect your wife must feel very much the same way .. :inlove:

~WU

 

[Dissociated1]

Thank you, Whispering Unicorn. My wife and I aren't quite at the level of acceptance that we encourage my young alters to come to front, but we try our best to love them and give them what they need when they do. As I progress in my recovery we are seeing more and more of my child and female alters. It is no longer strictly about being triggered by pegs to trauma. They are beginning to feel safe to express themselves- sing along to a song on the radio, get lost looking at the toys in Walmart, play on the Jungle Jim at the park, tease my wife or talk about something that is important to them. They don't ask for very much and my wife and I have been kind of rolling with it. We haven't brought this up in therapy but it's hard to think it could be a bad thing.

 

[WhisperingUnicorn]

Most therapists seem to want u to draw OUT the insiders .. we have found it is WAY healthier to let the insiders COME out when they feel SAFE and WANT to express and explore. "Forcing" them out before they're ready CAN be re-traumatizing sometimes .. I tend to ask my husband to ASK one of the others a question if I need to know something .. that works really well for us right now and encourages ALL of my man to feel safe .. HE/they decide their boundaries .. which seems really critical when u consider the main reason they withdrew was because their boundaries were being violated :( .. so it's been really healing for us to grieve together and giggle together and "play" together .. his "femmy" loves having me do his hair and nails and yes, even makeup. I love ALL of these things with my husband! :inlove:

 

[void]

My voice becomes higher pitched when I am dissociative. I do not have DID, but my current and past the...

No.
My voice changes in cadence, however, and I assume a more formal diction.

 

[chant2012]

Several things happen when I dissociate:

1) I repeat things a lot like "key words" and "triggers" and lots of "code" things. Idfk lol.

2) How "I" talk depends on which me I am!

3) I also have changes in how I speak. For example(s), I might talk like a child, or rage like a raving lunatic (usually when triggered), is like a protector role or something. Sometimes I will get very sensual and sexual. Or like a terrified child. Or like a happy carefree playful child.

4) I have changes in how I hold myself too or how I sit sometimes or how I maintain (or don't maintain) eye contact, etc.

5) Sometimes I just stare blankly in an internal daydream for hours. This is a CONSTANT battle. Maladaptive daydreaming it's called. It's been happening since I can remember and is literally going on just about constantly.

Usually though how I experience the dissociation is no longer feeling like "myself" and feeling like I am suddenly "a different me" in a sense. I have the experience of having multiple realities all at once. I get bad flashbacks. I have a sh*t memory. It's difficult to be in denial.

But in 5 minutes I'll be sure it's not real. Just wait. :P

 

[Dissociated1]

The majority of the time I dissociate into another alter I am not aware of it. It happens hundreds of times a day. Not because of a trauma trigger or flashback, it is just the way my dissociative mind split up housekeeping between the alters as a child. Each of us in my System has specific talents. My Inner Self Helper brings whoever is needed to front over the course of everyday life. My mannerisms, the things I do and say all seem perfectly normal to me and the transition back to me is seamless. My alters have gotten pretty good at pretending to be me (host/primary alter) when they need to; to the world at large the switching goes unnoticed. But my wife can tell who is fronting from minute to minute .