General Does Your Sufferer Sometimes Make His Life Complicated?

[Never_falter2]

Mine is such a strange blend of deciding to to a thing on a which, but once he decided he will do it to plan and plan and plan until all his requirements are met and if one of them has not be met he does just nothing. He just sits around hoping to be saved by somebody, see my thread about suffering from too many choices.

He gets stressed when things are stored in the wrong way or at the wrong place. To give an example: he had a shoe-tree. Our son took it from the shoe and he was stressed by it. Put the noodles in the wrong box, husband stressed. It is not where they belong. We have a decobox with a noodle print for the noodles and one with a rice print for the rice. To protect them from humidity. and then he came and told me that was the box for rice and not for the noodles and I think I gave him a funny look and then he realized I did not share his concern and said "but where will you put the rice". At which I answered "in the other box" and he laughed and told me he was stressed and did not even know why.

 

[TheMinsterman]

Oh yes, massive overplanner over here. She has these grand plans that she will just solve all her problems, which inevitably all fail because the expectations are just way too high. Then comes the disappointment and annoyance, the withdrawal etc.

 

[Never_falter2]

Have you talked with her about it? I mean in an respectful way.

 

[TheMinsterman]

Have you talked with her about it? I mean in an respectful way.

I did, prior to her recent spiral. She was reasonably receptive when she was on more secure ground, maybe didn't take it all on board but was open to my suggestion that she be kinder to herself and embrace failure. I always used my Masters as a example, nothing went to plan, I had extensions due to personal issues, last minute rewrites etc but in the end I passed with a distinction. I told her don't set the journey too much in stone, you can always get to the destination along a different route.

 

[Never_falter2]

Exactly this. Setting the journey to much in stone. Thanks for that picture.

Are you allowed to touch all of her stuff? I am not allowed to touch some of his hobby stuff, because I will treat it the wrong way, store it the wrong way and it will be ruined then ad not only this but other things might happen.

He stresses a lot about accidentally hurting people with some minor things he does. Is something he is deeply afraid of but it just makes no sense. For example he is afraid he washes his hands the wrong way when he has a cold and some old grandpa might catch it from him and die... and he is to blame.

So he holds the opinion if any little thing is wrong or just different that there will be a worst case scenario and no hope.

 

[TheMinsterman]

I'm not allowed to help now because I will make it worse is probably the best comparison to the touching stuff. Because I've made some errors recently all of the times I've helped and made things better no longer exist so I need to just stop and go away I'd the current situation. Best comparison would be you accidentally damage his hobby stuff once after years of helping and being part of it and now you're not to be trusted around it, because that failure is now the norm despite the years of successes.

 

[dulcia]

Yes. Makes his life complicated on an almost daily basis. Stressed by the way things are and wanting to change them/wanting something different, can't bring himself to make the change or halfheartedly attempts to make change, gets discouraged at lack of success, does nothing, repeat cycle.

 

[scout86]

You guys get that the "D" in PTSD stands for "disorder", right? If you read the literature, you'll find that, to be worth treating, it pretty much HAS to have a negative impact on parts of your everyday life.

I'm trying (and probably failing) not to sound snarky. But, as someone who HAS PTSD, it's frustrating to see/hear the "supporter" contingent going on about "Why can't they just act NORMAL??????" Obviously, if people with PTSD could act normal, and it had no impact on their daily lives, they wouldn't actually HAVE a diagnosis. They'd fall somewhere on the 'normal' spectrum.

Maybe I'm taking this wrong. Maybe you guys are just comparing notes on the assorted ways in which "your sufferers" are abnormal. But it kinda sounded like "What's WRONG with these people?" and the answer to that would be "They have PTSD."

 

[Sweetpea76]

Sounds like they're just comparing notes @scout86. That's how people learn.

 

[Sweetpea76]

Yes, mine does the same thing, then is disappointed that he cannot carry out his plans. He's trying to "fix everything". Control the uncontrollable. Its a security thing.

It does seem like he is piling on extra stress and being irrational. I've tried to talk to him about it, but I've learned to let him be. He'd be stressed about other things even if he stopped doing it.

 

[dulcia]

Comparing notes, @scout86. And the word "normal" was never mentioned.

 

[TheMinsterman]

It's certainly only comparing notes, I have OCD and am fully aware that it comes with certain "aspects" that will seem odd to others. Honestly my only real intention of being here is to learn, to understand better, it helps to talk to other "supporters" sometimes to get their perspectives and to help sift through what is, and isn't, PTSD related.