General Dont Dump It On Your Sufferer, Find Another Outlet.

[amethist]

Talking has to be the most important thing BigBear, if you have that then you can usually deal with most things, after you dump your own issues as a supporter else where.

I wish every couple could talk like my husband and I do, but we did talk a lot before PTSD invaded our lives. I mean talking for hours, about every thing and nothing. Missing TV programs, being late going to bed, even seen the sun come up a few times when we first met, which was only 11 years ago.

 

[EloiseLandau]

I fully admit I don't deal well when I try talking about something and then it turns around and becomes how much he's sick of [place behaviour here that he understands academically but not personally, so dismisses it as just behaving badly].

I especially fight back when he attempts to talk down to me, but I still hear every word. And it stays with me. And plays in my head over and over. And it adds itself to my list of crimes even when I know better.

So he's dumped and yelled, and better yet, he refuses to admit he was dumping. He was, in his words, telling me his issues.

This has not made for conducive healing.

I just realized I put this in present tense. He was given the title x-supporter a week or so ago. Although he wants to try again.

<Full line spaces inserted between paragraphs.>

 

[SeekingSerenity]

I come here

So do I.

And I am so grateful for it too...

 

[Peacefuldawn]

My husband actually asked me (and continues to ask me) to dump my emotions elsewhere. I was offended and hurt since he's my bff. Of course I do see the good in doing so but still struggle with it because it makes me so sad and lonely. I guess I'm still in a bit of denial that he really has PTSD and its not going away and what this means for us. I mourn having to be vigilant of him all the time and feel guilty for feeling this way.

 

[Tinyflame]

I would rather be included (as a 'sufferer'), it's only terribly difficult if you become the 'target'.

 

[SeekingSerenity]

@ Peacefuldawn, I hear you and I feel the same way. But I have in the past been dumping on my fiance, and its pushed her away, its put her in really dark places, its put an incredible strain on her and on our relationship. I have started dumping elsewhere now, like in my private diary here, and to a close friend. Its not quite the same, but I have seen a big difference in my relationship with my Beloved already. So its worth it, just from that perspective.

Not all sufferers handle this in the same way, but if your hubby has asked you not to dump on him, respect that, and you will find that his respect and trust in you will increase over time, and your relationship will again bloom. Read the article about the stress cup overflowing, and you will understand completely. Its not his fault. Its not your fault.

 

[topflite]

I also tend to vent to my wife, and it usually never works out well. I also find that even if I dump good stuff on her, it almost has the same results. The more I tell her that I love her, and am here for her, it seems it tends to bring her down. I know too much good stress can be bad, but she doesn't know how to set up boundaries with me. How do I let her "be selfish" as she calls it, but also try and be a comfort and let her know I am there regardless?

 

[Zipperhead]

Carers of Military PTSD Sufferers in Canada can go to the OSSISS Centres at most bases. These Centres are set up mainly as Peer Support Offices for the sufferers, but they do employ family support counsillers for the families of the effected. If there is no OSSISS Centre on your Base, the MFRC can also offer these services. Sorry, I have no knowledge of what's available for Civilian Carers in Canada.

 

[Mistyeyed2013]

@ Amethyst-unfortunately I "slipped" the other day and went off at the sufferer. I'm not perfect:( I was tired of holding it in...and now I'm paying the consequences....he went into complete ISOLATION. How do I go about rectifying the situation? I tried texting him a few days later and said that I was sorry for the way I handled things but I still thought he handled what initially did in the wrong fashion. I later texted "I can't fight this PTSD alone...I need your help. Fight for us and against this PTSD"....no response as of yet. I also mentioned that he should speak to his therapist. Don't know if he has done that yet or not. So frustrated!

 

[adriftatsea]

I realize nobody has posted to this thread in a while, but I was just in agreement with some from the U.S. that I wish we had some sort of carers office or even a support group. I live in a smaller town (~100k or less) and I don't think we have anything like that here. My husband and I have talked about moving to a larger city where we may find more help for both of us.

It's weird because my husband will get upset if I don't fill him in on my feelings or stressful things going on in my life (work, other family, etc.) because he wants me to be able to share things like that and reminds me I can't protect him from the world. But I do still try to filter because I do see where it stresses him sometimes, especially family stuff. I can see where it triggers him whether it's that day or the next.

Anyways just wanted to say how I wish the U.S. had more resources for both sufferers and carers.

 

[still_i_rise]

My work finally got a Employee Assistance Program which provides phone counselling for a wide range of issues. It's been a huge help. I was at first kinda weirded out about talking about what I'm going through as a supporter with a stranger. But it's been really helpful to have a place to channel my feelings. It's a like release valve.

 

[mellysail]

@amethist THANK YOU for this resource. Even though I live in the US I joined the online portion of Carers UK. I'm attending social work school in the fall and I would love to see an organization like this up and running in the US. (Possible career?). Great online resources (if not always applicable to the US), and great support. Thank you! :)