Relationship Don't Know What To Do Next

[Taylor Jackson]

Hey you guys. I'm new to posting on here but I feel like its about time I start. Me and my boyfriend have known each other about 6 months and been dating around 3 months. He is a army veteran and suffers from PTSD, depression and he is currently battling addiction. When I first starting talking to him I had no idea about any of this. About a month into us meeting I found out about the PTSD and addiction. I am so proud of him for admitting he had a problem and admitting himself into rehab in Atlanta. I later found out that this was not his first time facing addiction. Before his family kicked him out of his house in Hall county he had been strung out on drugs and stole from all of his family and had charges on his record. He did 90 days in rehab and a few days after Christmas he came back home to his parents in Hall county. After that a lot of things changed. He was so sweet and was the most mushy man I ever met but that changed. Don't get me wrong he is still a good man but the man I fell in love with isn't exactly the same. Last night after about 2 weeks of this change in behavior he told me why. He told me how depressed he was and how much he was struggling with his PTSD. I wanna help him and let him heal but I also want to help myself. I struggle with anxiety, depression and minor PTSD. My dad is also battling stage 4 cancer. What do you do when you need him but putting too much on him right now will only hurt him and not help him to heal also?

 

[Nicolette]

Welcome @Taylor Jackson :)

What do you do when you need him but putting too much on him right now will only hurt him and not help him to heal also?

Often finding support in girlfriends or here can help :)

 

[Taylor Jackson]

Is it normal for someone suffering from PTSD to have amounts of time were they are depressed or struggle really deeply like this?

 

[Nicolette]

Yes unfortunately. With mine, the best option is to leave him alone as much as that sucks.

 

[Taylor Jackson]

Thank you. It was just totally unexpected. Me and him both thought that he would feel better when he came home. For some reason the opposite happened. Its hard for me to not feel like I'm loosing him or like its something wrong with me or between him and myself.

 

[Taylor Jackson]

Also, I have one other question. Before these hard times struck us we were really good resolving our disagreements easily and compromising. It seems like that has gotten harder. It kinda of feels like he isn't working with me as much to resolve our disagreements. Is that normal also?

 

[Sighs]

Think of it this way. You're both swimming in a river. He's swimming in the deep water. It's all he can do to keep his head above water. You're swimming where its a bit shallower and the current is not as strong. You can't reach where he's swimming so you can't help him swim. All you can do is yell encouragement from where you are. When you get tired, or the water gets rough where you are he can't help you. He can't even look over at you because if he does he'll drown.

That's pretty much the reality of a relationship with a PTSD sufferer.

 

[Sweetpea76]

Plus if he is clean now he is probably actually dealing with his PTSD instead of self medicating. It may take awhile to get his footing.

 

[Newtoptsd]

@Taylor Jackson My vet went to a rehabilitation center for PTSD for a few weeks because he could feel himself getting worse ... I expected him to come back from rehab better than when he went in but in fact her was worse. I know they're gone to rehab for different reasons but someone pointed out on here that going from a higher level of care to a lower level of care can be extremely stressful and difficult to handle.

At these times we have to step away somewhat and let them try cope/heal by themselves. This process just requires a lot of patience and a lot of space giving. My vet still isn't full back on track but over the past few months I've given him all the space he needs and now he's started to reach out more ... slowly slowly softly monkey :)