Don't Know

[Gloww33]

I have done many things for years and years such as therapy, medication, no medication, yoga, exercise, dieting, taking up a new sport, vacation, distractions that are fun, exposure therapy, cognitive behavior therapy, talk therapy and recovery ranch retreats and you name it I have done it. If there is no cure, the therapy that is available isn't working. A check mate with PTSD and mental health. I think if it is okay to end the life of those suffering from terminal illness, I should have the same option to end internal suffering to a non curable mental health disorder, PTSD. I am not some teenager living on the edge, I am a responsible adult. I am not interested in waiting around to find out what is going to happen next and live in fear from day to day. It would be in my best interest to set a plan into place for once my child is married, out of college and set up and taken care of to expedite a more natural cause, maybe while I am away on vacation out of the country, which lessons the heart ache for family and the whole cliche of a note and a horrible end isn't and wont be the way, that is too traumatizing for people and the last thing I want anyone doing is experiencing trauma, it is a horrible debilitating thing to live with, natural causes are just a part of life anyways.....I essentially would be expediting that is all. Again, quality of life. I am not some impulsive in the moment decision maker, I am looking at this logically as one would if they had terminal illness.....they certainly don't want to prolong life, they want to end the suffering.....I am saying, I should have that same right. This decision isn't for everyone, some people have symptoms that are manageable and mine are some days, but what a sad life it is to be so fearful every day, unable to enjoy sleep, or normal things and walking out into the world waiting for a trigger like a landmine, who says that is quality of life?

 

[risingsun]

I hear you gloww33, but you've come too far to give up and give in. You're a survivor. And the loss of you, would be unbearable to your child who you have invested so much in and been such a wonderful mother to. You would leave a hole far too big no matter the means of your intended transition.

Nothing lessens the grief of loss. Nothing. I speak from experience of great loss.

No matter how old you are or think you are, life can open up and change in an instant-for the better. Hang on glow. Turn your thinking around. Rather than, "look at all these therapeutic methods that didn't work," think of it like "look at all you have done to help yourself. Look at the lengths you took to climb your way out." You've come farther than you think, my friend. You have. You have been a warrior for your very soul.

You think that if you set your child up in college, ensure his financial stability and whatnot that his life, fashioned by you, will be grand. But really all those things will mean nothing without you. Nothing. You are loved more than you think you are and you are needed more than you know.

You probably think I know nothing of suffering, of daily pain, but I do. I know what its like to dream in fear and awake in fear every day. But I know that God has a plan and a purpose for all of us and that if we have faith, anything is possible. Anything. That is the challenge. One little thing and its called Faith (and prayer). That, my friend, is the easiest healing modality and the least utilized because people are afraid of being let down, afraid of believing, and are weary of 'patience.'

It's time for you to trust and believe. Every day, trust with your whole heart and say, "Bring me gently oh universe to where you know I need to be" and you will be. Keep the Faith. Miracles happen when you least expect it. Angels exist and there are signs everywhere. My prayers are with you. Hang on and live to be the strong warrior that you already are. It's time for you to realize how strong and courageous you really are. Warmest to you, Rising Sun.

 

[Gloww33]

Thank you for all the thoughts, thanks for sharing all your experiences and I hope someday they not only find a cure, but find another method rather than medicate and talk.....I hope you all have a better journey, a better life somehow a better way of picking up the pieces and making a better picture.