Don't Really Know What To Do

[Akita]

It seems these last few weeks my depression has just gotten worse and worse. I can't really talk to anybody aside from maybe my therapist but I don't like talking to him anymore because he keeps trying to push meds on me. These past few days I was considering it, but in my mind, it's just not worth it. I hate taking pills at it is... and they mess with your body too much. Therapy is costing too much to really see him a lot anyways...I was thinking of getting some depression workbooks I found in the psychology section of the bookstore but I don't want people asking questions.

Stuck :wall:

 

[Pixie]

Akita, I hate taking meds too but I must. I have tried not being on them several times and crashed hard. I know it seems like it messes with your body but in all honesty... you need them...

Rell

 

[JohnnyM53]

The book considered the best self-help book on the market for depression is Feeling Good by Dr. David Burns. You can buy a copy at most book stores, or rent it out from a public library.

It changed the direction of my life.

But I still need meds to relieve the symptoms of depression. You might want to try some until you find one that helps and doesn't give you any major side effects.

 

[Akita]

sorry I don't know how to edit but I messed up writing the thread title (AGAIN) man, I feel dumb :stupid:
anyways, thanks for the advice...

 

[rjtransient]

Is it that you can't see the point, as in, "Even if I'm on the pills and basically functional, what am I living for?"

Medications suck. I've been on sleeping meds since age 17. I literally cannot fall asleep without them, even though my tolerance keeps increasing. Taking pills that shoot holes into my memory and leave me feeling hungover every morning sucks, and the new FDA pharmacology reports that put Imovane on the same level as chain-smoking in terms of carcinogenicity make me want to drop everything, just like that.

It messes with your body and your brain chemistry.

So does depression.

When you're living with unmedicated depression, your neurological wiring changes. Parts of the brain start to atrophy. I know this firsthand: I'm not quite the upbeat, very bright, promising student I used to be at 17, before the depression and PTSD really got into gear. I've lost skills. I'm physiologically not the same person.

So the ultimatum I came up with is this: if I'm going to live with constant suicidal ideation and a strong enough background in biomed to successfully carry out those plans, I'll accept that, but I'm not going to let myself spend each day in pain.

Depression feeds on itself. Can you break the cycle? Even if it initially takes medication? I weaned myself off of Luvox after I established a tough exercise regimen over a period of months. But: 1) I needed the medication to give me that push to get off the ground, and 2) If I ever stop putting energy into this fantastic balancing act of physical and mental exertion, I'll slip back into my old ways of thinking, and then I will need to be on something.

I hope you do look into those workbooks. Screw stigma. I've signed out the weirdest books and DVDs this side of The Twilight Zone, and nobody's ever blinked. Not even the guy at the checkout desk.

 

[ghost]

Hi Akita

I have a lot of issues around taking meds too, and have found it easier just to rule them out as a treatment option.

I am of the opinion that if someone is that averse to taking psychotropics than they're probably not going to gain a great deal of benefit from them anyway.

What many in the medical profession, and many in society, generally, fail to understand, is that some people are medication resistant, and that medication is, simply, not an option for them.

If you are a danger to yourself, or other people then that is a different issue. But, there again, there is no guarantee that medication is going to improve things.


Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation

There is a fairly new treatment being used for depression called transcranial magnetic stimulation (TMS). You could describe it as a more refined version of electroconvulsive therapy (ECT).

Unlike ECT, it targets specific areas of the brain. There is no memory loss; no need for anaesthetic, and the risks are minimal. Yet, research shows that its efficacy level is almost equal to ECT.

In Western Australia, TMS it is still in the trial stages; but I believe that it is being used as a primary treatment method in a number of Western countries.

I'm not sure how widespread the usage of TMS is in the US, or whether it is accepted as a legitimate treatment method yet. If not, you may be able to access it by participating in a research study.


Otherwise, as has already been suggested, exercise is a really good way to go. Exercise and a healthy diet are two of the most potent, natural methods of ameliorating depression.

 

[JohnnyM53]

As usual, RJT and Ghost make excellent points.

I've been on and off meds for the lasts 15 years. I often went off of them because i felt they either were ineffective, or made things worse. My pdoc tried various types of meds and nothing worked well enough to allow me to go back to work, so I retired because I was somewhat resistant to most drugs.

Recently, I went off my meds for a month to see what would happen, then went back on then. When I got triggered psychologically, I'd feel down whether I was on meds or not.

And what I observed was that my depression seemed to last a bit longer and feel a bit deeper when I was off meds.

So he prescribed a new drug called Abilify (along with my usual Epival). This med really helped with my sleep difficulties and the depression lifts faster and is not as intense.

So I suspect that my brain was conditioned to chemically respond in the manner of a deep depression most of my life, whether the problem was minuscule or gigantic.

So, in my case, a minimum dose of anti-depressant and anti-psychotic seems to be better than no drugs. But this is new. It may not last.

Thought I'd share this.

 

[Mina]

Go to a large chain bookstore and purchase the books you've been thinking of. Nobody at Borders or Barnes & Noble has ever even noticed that I've been purchasing books on PTSD, anger, relationships, or any other topic, much less commented on it.

 

[Monarch]

my Therapist suggested that I read Courage to Heal, we read it together actually, it was nice a book club for 2 of sorts. I couldn't bring myself to walk in the bookstore and buy it because I was so ashamed, it was about rape and somehow I thought they would judge me, like anyone else really cares but I do apparently. So I ordered it online and had it shipped to me, no one knew and I felt good about that. I keep it under my bed though where noone can find it so there is still a shame issue but at least I read it.

 

[Aine]

Akita,

I tried meds once. My doctor put me on Citalopram, a basic anti-depressant and I did not like it at all. It, in fact, made things worse. The problem with depression meds is that they treat the symptoms, not the problem and if you have PTSD then the depression is only a symptom anyway. By taking meds you'd be treating the symptoms of a symptom, which to me, seems a little silly. They also take at least a month to kick in and it can take a while for you to find the right ones. However, I understand that in treating the symptoms it can ease things up a bit. Although, if you don't want to take anti-depressants, talk to your doctor about taking St. John's Wort instead. It's a herbal treatment for depression but you do need to be careful and consult your doctor.
Improving your diet can help and you can increase your tryptophan intake by eating bananas and yoghurt.
I also have the website address of a self-help website, PM me if you want it.

I hope some of this helps,

Aine.

 

[onebravegirl]

If your T is recommending Meds, ask lots of questions. Try and get a feel for Why he wants you on them. A good T will tell you that Meds area tool, not a solution.
Also, depending on what you diagnosis is, beware of book stores. Some self help books are designed for different stages of healing. Some may even trigger you as you may not be at a well enough stage to do the excersizes. Again I would talk to your T about alternatives to Meds, your concerns and perhaps some suggestions of appropriate reading material.
Keep us posted!
O

 

[onebravegirl]

The book considered the best self-help book on the market for depression is Feeling Good by Dr. David Burns. You can buy a copy at most book stores, or rent it out from a public library.

It changed the direction of my life.

Yep, a pretty good book. I don't know HOW many times I took that depression test!
O