Down time, coping, stress and holidays

[Muttly]

So, as some folks here know I've had some major financial worries. Trying to deal with that, working a ton of extra hours, and other every day life stuff overflowed my PTSD cup I guess. I was really seriously considering suicide for a bit. Ugh. That sounds so dramatic. Anyway, I'm better than that I guess. Except now I'm having a lot of DID related issues. Today the sui thoughts have been strong, but more in the "I wish I could" sense, than the active planning sense. Anyway, admitting all that makes me feel stupid.

I was supposed to go to my family (of choice) over Thanksgiving break. I called that off because of money, etc. My sister would have paid but planning a trip on top of everything else was too much. I have to admit, I am super bummed I am not there. Oh well. I do have a vacation from my main job, which is good in a lot of ways because I am burned up. I am still working my side job and doing pet sitting and dog walking but I have a lot more down time starting today. Except I'm worried that insiders will come out and act in unhealthy ways. I'm worried I'll just sit around feeling sorry for myself... and that's probably me being self-critical. I don't tend to do that. I also have a ton of stuff I need to do around the house and regarding finances. I'm worried that I will over do and just burn myself/my body out more.

Oh, forgot to mention this time of year is super full of PTSD triggers and I tend to become much more symptomatic.

So I guess I'm looking for help, challenges and accountability here so the next week is healing, not self-destructive.

PS- mods, sorry if this is in the worng place, had no clue where to post this.

 

[Recovery4Me]

So I guess I'm looking for help, challenges and accountability here so the next week is healing, not self-destructive.

Your post was so transparent and strong within your vulnerability that I wish to offer -you are being admirable within your accountability. Ideation of sucicide is one of my undercurrent ruminations when I am in extreme pain either mentally or physically. So I hear you: you are not alone. ? s if you accept.

I can offer that my poverty status has often pushed me to the brink many times. This board was an Godsend in order to learn that there are others that through no blame nor shame struggle as well. But most of all, many of us have had an reprieve of slight change (in our situations) from time to time. Hope is paramount to nurture and very realistic when we draw on perhaps others’ stories or our own personal miracles that are gifted along our journey.

Sometimes when I am very sad, I look up comedians on YouTube (such as Robin Williams) and find myself laughing despite my symptoms. Who do you like that can make you laugh? Are there any games that you like to play on the computer to ease your mind? Just random thoughts. May not work for you, however, I wanted you to know ... I heard and listened.

 

[NaeNae75]

I'm not sure exactly what to say except good for you for seeing this and being proactive! My mind feels a bit like jello right now, sorry I don't have more to offer

 

[Muttly]

Update- I am doing ok. I just seem to be exhausted and can't shake it. And I don't know if the exhaustion is medical, mental or something else. I also am really cut off from my friends and such. Communicating just seems like too much effort.

@Recovery4Me thank you for reminding me about hope and that situations change. It may not seem like it but normally I am a guy who has a lot of hope.

Also, I have already been watching youtube comedians (love the brits) but the game suggestion was great I've been doing a lot of that.

@NaeNae75 That's ok. I appreciate you stopping by. I hope you are doing ok.