ED Eating disorders

[Lucycat]

I was also in the 'wear big baggy clothes' group. I then put on the weight so that those clothes would fit. This year with all my therapy and stress I have lost a lot of weight and now am 'ideal' for my height. It really feels good, and has increased my confidence no end.

But now it is winter, and cold and I need those thick winter woolies to keep warm lol.

 

[krystina]

While never having an eating disorder this comment caught my eye - I used to wear big baggy clothes so I looked less attractive so then if a male paid me attention I thought it was more due to me than my physical appearance. I unfortunately had a male explain that my logic didn't work as he said he could see past the clothes and tell I had a good figure. It's sad the way our self esteem is surrounded by the physical aspects of who we are.

I to used to wear baggy clothes so that no onw would look at me. i even made sure that i had long sweatshirts so that it would cover my butt so that no one would try to even look at it. I didn't want anyone to look at me but now i try to get clothing that is modest but still looks good on me that way people don't think i am a little hermit who likes to keep to myself. with zoloft i am way more outgoing and a lot of my anxiety has seemed to decrease.

 

[krystina]

I guess so. I always got more attention when I was my old weight. I am just 5 feet. People always felt for some reason it was appropriate to just grab me and pick me up. People were always doing that!!! Talk about invading my personal space!:mad: Of course I never said anything really. I would get so embarassed I would just kind of turn red and giggle like I thought it was funny. Which I never did. I never like feeling that loss of control you feel when someone picks you up.
That is probably why I went in the other direction. That's my theory.I don't know if I will ever really know. I just know until I get all this anxiety under control I won't be able to make any major progress on the weight loss. It would almost be like someone tearing away my "security blanket":eek:

i get picked up a lot to I am 4foot 9in and a quarter and I weigh 97 pounds and my dad says that i am overweight :confused: crazy huh?

 

[jadebear]

. It's sad the way our self esteem is surrounded by the physical aspects of who we are.

Yes it is sad. It's sad that we feel the need to hide our bodies to feel safe and to feel good about ourselves.

When I go to work, I wear a sports bra that is way too small, just so my boobs will be smaller. It's very uncomfortable and painful, yet I still do it. I wish I had the confidence to 'just let the twins be seen and known', but, I don't want any added attention from males.

It's not just males though , women can be jerks too. If a woman has large boobs, then other women automatically think she's had a boob job. Or they automatically label her as a whore. If she's assaulted or raped, they tend to think she asked for it somehow because of her body.(this is true, I have heard people talk before and have heard them say it)

Most women strive for a nice body or wish that they had one. It's supposed to be a good thing and something to be proud of. But throw sexual abuse into the mix and it becomes something totally different.

 

[cherryblossom]

I've procrastinated a lot over whether to post a reply in this thread..... but here goes...
I'm over weight, and have been since PTSD symptoms manifested themselves. It was never a 'conscious decision' to get fat, but I can see now that it's my 'protection'. I hate every inch of my body, but on the plus side (sorry, bad pun;)) it keeps men away. I think I have a lot of issues surrounding food/eating .... but I'll ignore that for another day :(

 

[brokenchild]

Yes and no. I was hospitalized with anorexia in 2005. It started because eating gave me flashbacks. Eventually it just got out of control. I started thinking I was fat and not eating for the sole purpose of losing weight, not stopping the flashbacks per se.

Now, the only time I don't eat is when I was really triggered/anxious. It usually doesn't last long and I always gain the weight back. I've never been underweight since my hospitalization. I have no want to lose weight or starve myself. I've just been "trained" to starve myself when I "disobey" what I was told by my abusers. It's something I'm still working on. Not punishing myself when I "disobey" them.

 

[Crusoe]

OK I have had various eating disorders. When I first found out about my "past" I stopped eating and lost 2 stones in one month. I felt permanently sick and could only imagine about quarter of a bit of a sandwich a day. I was quite pleased about the losing weight bit because I felt I was in control. I weighed myself every day and got excited when I had lost more weight. I slowly realised that I wasn't and that it couldn't go on so I got pills from my doctor (despite me hating meds and drugs) to stop me feeling sick. I started eating again and everything sorted itself out.

I am now overweight after having put 7 stones on during my last pregnancy. It is comforting despite the fact that I wish I wasn't this big. When I look in the mirror I get a shock because for some reason I look even fatter than I feel I am. However, some time ago I went to the pizza shop one Friday night and there were some young men in there probably ages about 19 - 21 ish. They were drunk and quite loud and were talking to everyone including me. One of the extremely sarcastically said that they found me rather fit. At first I was horrified but laughed it off but then started to think that the tone of sarcasm was quite good for me. He was trying to tease me and make me feel uncomfortable and unattractive with what he said but instead it pleased me because if he was being sarcastic, then he must have thought I was quite repulsive...exactly what I want men to think of me :D If they think that then I'm safe (in my head anyway because I know in reality it doesn't really work like that. I guess I am very busty and always have been regardless of how fat or thin I have been. My boobs have always got me a lot of attention and I just don't want that so I won't wear low cut tops and baggy jumpers are always great for hiding my bum. I have also stopped (subconciously) wearing skirts since "stuff" happened because I (wrongly) think that it might get me more attention.

Working on it all though - weight and how I dress.

 

[jadebear]

Right now, I'm kinda underweight. When I get really stressed, having symptoms,etc., I fall back into starvation mode.

I cannot stand to have 'meat' on my hips at all. It just feels and looks so disgusting to me. It makes me feel like I'm suffocating. When all I feel/see is bones, I'm happy.

But....I think something is finally starting to click in my brain. I keep hearing "I will be happy when you get hips...then I will have something to hold on to". It makes sense now......

 

[kimba]

I just did a post about my anorexia connection under the ED predisposition thread.

 

[jadebear]

I just read that kimba. Now that we can 'connect' things, what do we do about them?

 

[kimba]

Just deal the best we can and get through it. I am eating one meal a day and trying to snack a little too. I've lost about 15 pounds so far (not bragging). I live alone with my pets which is the only reason I am eating at all. Passing out is not an option.

 

[jadebear]

I just wash everything down with water. It seems to work.

I haven't passed out, but I have been coming close to it lately. I just need to force feed a little more and I will be fine. When I can stand up without getting dizzy and seeing stars, I know I'm doing much better.