Eating Habbits And Ptsd

[Angelwings]

I was wondering how people with PTSD deal with eating. I don't eat because when I'm hungry I feel clean. Strange, I know, but it keeps me from feeling dirty and disgusting all the time. It's a problem though because now I haven't eaten in three days. I also wonder if my son will be affected by my not eating. He never brings it up, but I wonder if he notices it. When I do eat, I eat two scrambled eggs, and that's it, all day long. It's a struggle.

 

[Moony]

I generally HATE eating. I suppose how you (we) deal with eating depends on whether you associate it with any memories or events. For me at least, eating certain types of foods is a big trigger. I also struggle with eating in general somedays but that's linked to past events too. If I know I have to eat a lot (like at Christmas) I've almost been 'preparing' for it by eating less than usual (which isn't much) so that I won't feel as bad on xmas day.

I've found the best thing to do it to find a food that you're 'happy' to eat and eat a bit of that, or try and make yourself eat 1 good meal a day. The longer I go without eating, the harder it is to convince myself that I need to eat. I hope you feel better soon.

 

[scout86]

This is probably not going to be very diplomatic, but I just can't think of a better way to say it.

Your son's going to be affected by you not eating if you DIE.

And that's what probably going to happen if you go on "not eating" the way you are. I have no idea if it's related to PTSD. You'd be better off asking a professional that. All I can offer in that regard is that there are lots of people with PTSD who don't also have eating disorders.

Beyond that, depending on how old your son is, it's pretty likely he's noticed you don't eat much. It's also likely he knows people have to eat to live. I would hope he knows what a balanced diet looks like.... If he's old enough to know all this and he's in touch with reality, then he's more than likely worried about you, whether he says anything or not. It would be better, for him, if he didn't have to worry about whether or not his mom was taking care of herself, whether or not he should/could talk about it, etc, wouldn't it?

Is this something you're working on in therapy?

 

[Upside Down Eagle]

Interesting topic. I waver between hate for food and love for food. When I'm down or anxious I generally don't eat, but it works the wrong way because if I don't eat I'll have less energy and then the negative emotions possibly get more intense. But at other times I love food, and am fond on cooking delicious stuff (right now I'm making a huge pot of stew...).

But I have an aversion for eating sounds which makes it kind of tough. I don't feel disgusted at eating so much as the sounds my food makes when I stir it (so I wear headphones whem I'm eating), or when other people masticate or swallow -it's horrible.

I agree with Scout's comments, also you be careful that you are not transmitting this kind of behavior unto your son. I'm not sure how these kind of things work but he might just start thinking that it's okay not to eat for long times. Having a good health surely contributes to being able to fight ptsd.

 

[arfie]

"Starvation" is listed on my suicide attempts. Easiest one I ever tried. No one even noticed until I had been in the hospital for a while. Everyone envied my fashionable figure.

Ironically, I love to cook. My shrink thinks my cooking skills are just a cover for playing with my food.

 

[franciemarnie]

Kids notice everything.

"They" say now it's healthiest to eat little meals thru out the day. I have always felt uncomfortable full, but I feel worse with energy crashes as well as malnutrition. I find eating small nutritious meals all day keeps my engine running yet I never feel grossly full.

What we eat affects/effects our state of mind and we PTSDs have minds that need more than the usual help.

 

[HelenB]

I am sorry to hear that you are struggling with this so much. I know it is true that not everyone with PTSD has issues with eating, but know for myself that it is something which has been an issue for a lot of years. About six years ago I was at my most severe with full blown anorexia and lost half my body weight in a relatively short space of time. At the time I was in complete denial and it took a lot to even acknowledge that it was an issue.

I think you are being very brave to be so honest on here, and really do hope you are also able to talk through and be honest about this within therapy too, because I do believe that it is a serious issue. You say that you only feel clean when you are hungry, and these feelings, are such massive negative thought patterns, which are not of any help at all. I know logically just saying that that is not true is not going to be able to help you in this, and would expect that there is a massive link somewhere under it all which would need to be addressed. I am very aware for myself that all of my not being able to deal with food was about negative thought patterns I had about myself. I am not going to pretend that it is all easy now and that these thought patterns have gone away, but I know that for me a massive turning point within it came, when I was at a very low point, and actually went for a week away to a Christian ministry retreat, and in that place I made the decision that I was going to choose life and not death. That meant life to all the parts of me, including all the ones I wanted so much to shut out and make go away, who I felt were so bad and dirty and horrible. That for me has still been a massive journey and I am not going to pretend it has been easy, but I know that decision and having again and again to come back to it, even when I do turn away from it again at times, has been so important.

I am also very aware that physcally no matter how it all feels emotionally, our bodies do need nourishment. There is no way I would be able to be going through the therapy I am having now if I was not in a place where I was choosing that I am going to feed my body. I am not going to pretend that is easy, and daily at the moment am having to ensure that I do actually eat, and within this at times really am having to look at those feelings inside me and say actually I am not bad and dirty for the things which hapened to me and actually I do deserve to eat, and though at times that is so hard. I know it is a choice I do have to make and really am trying so hard to continue to.

I know so well how hard the cycle of anorexia is to get out of once it has got a hold, and know that every day I really do have to ensure that I do eat, and know it is so important for the way I think and function too, as it really does have such a massive effect on the workings of the brain and everything anyhow, which on top of the PTSD I find is a recipe for disaster.

In terms of yor son, I do not know how old he is, but would be surprised if he does not notice. My children are now between seven and twelve, and were a lot younger six years ago when it all got so bad, but I know that they have been very aware, and though I always ate everything I did eat with them and did everything I could to shelter them from it, I do agree that children do notice and pick up on a lot more than we give them credit for and that it does have an effect. My children also have a friend at school who in the last couple of weeks had their mum die of anorexia, which ended up pretty sudden as her heart just gave up, and my nine year old around the time was very aware of the things which had happened through talking to other friends at school too, and when I was struggling with food around the time too made the comment to me that I had to eat or I would die. Not every child is going to have such a clear understanding of the consequences which can happen if you do not eat, but with all the massive health promotion within schools about healthy eating and things like that I would be surprised if they do not pick up on something and eating habbits within the home can prove to be so influential in so many ways too.

I know for myself when I am in that place I find it very hard to be able to hear things like this, and really hope you do not mind all of what I have said, but I really do believe that you do deserve more. Your feelings of being unclean, though they are so massivly powerful, are not going to go away by the act of starving yourself. You deserve so much more, and in those places I believe that you need to be able to recognise where those feelings are coming from so that you can really find the courage to face up to them and bring them to the light so that you really can be free, and this involves not starving yourself, but actually nourishing and looking after yourself, so that you can find the energy and strength to really be able to come through and be free of the massivly negative feelings which appear to be holding on to you so much.

Really hope that some of what I have written is able to be of some use to you, and that you really are able to find the help which you deserve as you face all this and acknowledge all that is going on.

God bless
Helen

 

[Flutter]

I was doing some reading to help my logical brain understand the physiological changes with PTSD and came across a site that talked about high cortisol and food allergies or intolerances. When you say you feel clean without eating, but dirty when you eat, perhaps you have some food groups like gluten or dairy that make you feel bloated or off kilter. Not eating for 3 days seems extreme for this though. Depression can also reduce appetite.. I myself have food allergies to eggs, wheat, and dairy and once I identified this and eliminated them from my diet, I don't feel sick or bloated- even if I ate too much!

 

[Abstract]

Those with anorexia usually have a history of abuse or family dysfunction of some type. Even if it is just an unhealthy attitude to emotions and body. A percentage of those with PTSD will have an eating disorder. Me in included.

What you describe are classic feelings when someone has trauma and an ED. There are lots of reasons for it but one thing is certain and that is that not getting it treated just makes those feelings get stronger and worse.

There is always the feeling that if you do what your mind is telling you to do that you will feel better. But that never happens. Its like quick sand. The only way to feel better is to get someone to help you get out.

I have had about 30 years of ED's in the past and it isn't something I would wish on my worst enemy. I hope you reach out for help. I am now recovered and every day I am grateful for that. It makes dealing with my PTSD so much easier. The opposite of what I thought would be the case.

As for your son. He will be profoundly affected by your ED in many different ways. There is no hiding from children.