ED Eating issues, dysfunctional

[sun seeker]

Would the underlying idea not remain the same then

Yes, I think so. It just took me a while to think it through.

 

[Panda Bear]

I really appreciate everyone's repsonses!!! So glad to know I'm not going crazier :confused:

It's odd that this is happening, as it's not a familiar relationship I've ever had with food before. Weight is an issue for me, though I do still remain quit active despite it. I'm most likely to choose bad foods and to much of them, vs nothing at all. Also, I'm understanding that I'm not caring for myself like some of you mentioned. I don't want to care for me....I want out and away from me!!

When I hold still long enough, I'm realizing it's been an issue for maybe a bit longer than I let on. Really, really don't want to feel and I'm almost high on the axioms, fight/flight feeling I'm experiencing from the hunger pains. Is that odd? The hunger is definitely keeping my mind busy and away from the sadness and grief. With grief being a huge, scary spot!!

So much unfamiliar territory going on here!!! It's a wild goose chase trying to understand what's going on and why I'm doing this! But the idea of small, protein heavy foods is a good idea and I think I'm going to start there. I put a small dish on the kitchen counter with a sliced apple, some nuts and a few crackers. I ate a yogurt this morning too. That way I can graze through the day.

I see my T next week and I might bring it up!!

 

[Panda Bear]

@ssw

I read your post again, and it is a control issue! I'll get so hungry and crabby, and my husband will try to get me to slow down, stop and eat. I'll refuse and get angry at him for pressuring me....I want him to go away. But I won't eat...

 

[ssw]

Oh hun. Don't be mad at him.. He's just worried and trying to help like most husbands. Hug him instead ... But when people tell me to "snap out of it (disassociation here)" I'm like "oh, okay, that's possible you (enter string of nasty names here). And then I'm off.
Anyways I understand snapping at him. But as I said before, try controling what you eat. Although OCD can be harmful, if it's helping you control eat, I'd say go for it and have a food diary with tracking calories and so on.

Hey if you nee anything else you can message ... Best wishes.

 

[Crow]

I think it's simply the most base form of self harm. When that hooks into self worth and other traumas, there's the horrible cycle.

 

[Panda Bear]

I think it's simply the most base form of self harm.

Wow, @CrowFeather ..... I never thought of it that way! I've only recently encountered self harm in a slight way. But it's always been in my therapy sessions and never outside them. I've come to finding calm during stressful times in session by digging my fingernails into the back of my head. Deep into my scalp :( Leaving rather large sores and bumps. T makes me wiggle my fingers when I start to do it.

Maybe I'm not as worried as I should be?

 

[sun seeker]

I don't want to care for me....I want out and away from me!!

I so understand this. I don't always feel this way, but enough of the time that it resonates. It can sometimes help if I imagine another person, a caring person, telling me to take care of myself, telling me I'm doing fine and to take one thing at a time, suggesting I make a cup of tea, things like that. That works when I am anxious and agitated. When the self loathing is strong though? Oh boy. Then I just want to get away.

I see my T next week and I might bring it up!!

Definitely a good idea.