Email

[Matilda]

I got an email from my dad today.
"Subject: love you.
I hope all is well and you are happy."
I don't know how I feel about this. I've been yearning to hear from him, but nightmares filled with fear and regret have been consuming my nights lately. I miss him, but I still don't understand how we'll ever have contact again. It's like I crossed a bridge I can't come from.
I would appreciate any comments no matter what it is. My heart just hurts right now

 

[Em C.]

I don't know the situation so I can't really help.. but I can send hugs! And if you want to talk in detail feel free t PM me-- I have experience with Dad issues.

Maybe this will cheer you up?

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Without knowing the nature of the relationship between the two of you, I'm not sure that I can comment. Was he your abuser? Did he stand by and do nothing? Was there another sort of infraction?

 

[Matilda]

He was my abuser, but I suppose I developed Stockholm syndrome or something. It's so complicated for me and my brain to understand how the father I loved so much also caused so much harm. It feels like two different people in one

 

[Ronin]

Love is not an excuse for hurting people, and forgiveness is a gift, not a must.

 

[ihateusernames]

forgiveness is a gift

^That.

I don't mean don't forgive and don't talk to him. I can't tell you what to decide in this. My own experience; I'm very forgiving and have this kind of disgusting amount of empathy and understanding. lol. Without hijacking your thread with my own problems- my father caused a lot of misery in my life. But I forgave him easily and came to a sort of understanding. Not a belief that he had done nothing wrong by any means, but I guess an understanding of him as a fallible human being. Had he ever shown genuine interest in pursuing a relationship again I would have been agreeable to one. An arms-length, cautious kind of relationship, we never had a daddy-daughter relationship anyway.

But you don't owe anybody that and neither did I. That was an attitude I adopted for me, not because he deserved it.

Being this troubled by his email at this point it may be that you are not ready to make any kind of decision about your relationship with him. He has no choice but to respect that.

Quick edit: I remembered the story you posted, but not anything else so I did a glance through your posts. If your dad is the one you wrote about then it might be wise overall to stay away from him. I don't know if the problem you have with him might be separate from that or not.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

I say move on and don't look back.

I get cards from my abuser mother. I pocket the $20 bill without another thought. Any contact results in a horrific episode. I will never heal with her in my life.