Emdr Or Trauma Center? So Confused...

[Upside Down Eagle]

Some of you might remember that I sent a letter to my EMDR therapist in December. We hadn't begun actual treatment yet but were still making up a plan suited to my goals. Only I hadn't told her half of the shit I was actually going through. Last month I wrote everything down to the last detail and send it to her.

Upon reading it she concluded that my situation was much worse than she had anticipated. And she's right, the images in my head got so bad last month that they had me contemplating suicide more than once. So she said EMDR wasn't the way for me to go. It would be too heavy, bring up stuff I couldn't possibly deal with.

That thought makes me even more scared of myself. What on earth have I repressed and forgotten that these symptoms are getting so bad? What kind of horrible monsters are hiding somewhere in a corner of my psyche that I have choosen to deny? She said that the therapy I've had up until this point was not aimed at dealing with PTSD but just with social anxiety and that's why it didn't help.

She adviced me to start therapy in a trauma center. I'm confused now. I really thought EMDR was the solution, after hearing from everybody how well it works, and I was looking forward to dealing with Beastie. Now suddenly this prospect has gone and I am left clueless. Does anybody know the difference between these two approaches? Do any of you have experience with trauma centers?

Thanks :)
I'm really glad I found this forum three years ago. You guys are proving invaluable.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Treatment at trauma centers can vary widely to say the least. I've been inpatient at a trauma hospital twice and outpatient at an intensive trauma therapy center once. Their approaches were very different.

I don't think that EMDR is THE solution. It works for many, but in your case, I'd advise against it as well based on your symptoms. You need to be relatively stable to do EMDR.

I did not use EMDR to heal and I know that many others have not used EMDR in their healing journey. And yes, I am past the processing point. I used another type of therapy to process my trauma, one that was able to better prevent me from reliving the past. So, all is not lost if you are not a candidate for EMDR. It just means that you need to follow a different healing path.

 

[DMerish]

Radise,

I’m glad you shared the extent of your symptoms with your T and that he/she was honest about EMDR not be the best path for you at this time. You may be feeling confused and frustrated at the moment, but please don’t take the advice your T delivered as awful news. I know it’s a big, sometimes very exhausting, thing to deal with “bad” symptoms. The news you were given is a setback; however, it is also an opportunity to setup the course of treatment that will be the most helpful.

In general, EMDR is only begun after someone has developed a good foundation of grounding techniques, is relatively stable, and has set up their outer life so they're free to process what might come up after a session so that the process doesn’t interfere or jeopardize one’s studies, job or relationships. Working with a trauma center can provide those tools. So can a T that specializes in trauma therapy. Once the foundation (grounding techniques, CBT, maybe medication, etc.), then afterwards, would be the time to consider EDMR. When that time comes around, you may not need or want it.

The key is to learn all you can about PTSD, and yourself, so that you yourself are able to play an active, and strong, part in your own healing. I think many people with PTSD often feel powerless - something has been taken from them and they're not sure how to get it back - how to "normalize" themselves. I believe that true healing really starts when someone begins to trust that somewhere in themself, maybe their intuition, they know (or have a decent idea) of what's needed rather than entirely depending on what's told to them. Are you able to get in touch with that place?

Hugs (if you'd like them),
Drew

 

[crazy8]

What kind of horrible monsters are hiding somewhere in a corner of my psyche that I have choosen to deny?

Don't be so hard on yourself...you didn't "choose" this path, or purposely/consciously "choose" to deny things and cause this pain. Repression, by definition, is subconscious, so it is not a choice. Your subconscious did the best it could to protect yourself from the trauma(s), and probably quite effectively for the time of the trauma(s). Good job, subconscious! :-) Now let's adapt to the present day needs... (or at least, this is how I try to talk to myself, ha)

I wish I had advice for you about trauma centers/EMDR, but I am now just beginning work with an EMDR specialist next week after 3 months in "regular" (non PTSD specialized) therapy.

 

[franciemarnie]

I vote consideration of Somatic Therapy. You don't have to go into extensive trauma details and there is release of trauma energy! Hooray!

But like @DMerish said, feel inside for what works, listen for your inner voice, (it may have been buried but it's there) as you try different things and see what works for you. You will know.

 

[Hashi]

I'm glad your therapist has been cautious about this. EMDR does, undoubtedly, help many people. At the same time, it isn't for everyone. I've stayed well away from it for a number of reasons, including how much trauma I've suppressed for so long, concern about it provoking memories that I'm not ready for, and my tendency to hallucinate or have grotesque images run through my mind.

I know from what I've read that EMDR isn't advised when there's been traumatic amnesia. It's use for complex trauma at all is debated. More than that, I'm very tuned in to what's happening energetically with my system and when I tried an EMDR session with something neutral, just to get a sense of it, my brain absolutely rejected it as dangerous to me and interfering. No-one even knows exactly how EMDR works.

Like franciemarnie, I advocate for somatic therapy. That's usually taken to mean somatic experiencing. I happened to have a related therapy called craniosacral therapy. I needed a therapist who really knew what they were doing with adult trauma. I found one and it helped me incredibly. I also find any work with imagery very powerful (eg visualisation and art therapy).

I had repressed and forgotten some terrible things, but the right kind of approaches have meant I've remembered as much as I need to, only what I need to and only when I've been ready to. Still rough going, but not retraumatising. My biggest concern about EMDR is that it would interfere with the finely tuned wisdom of my subconscious to know how much I need to remember and when. `

I don't think every trauma centre has the same approaches. I imagine they each offer a number of things and that it varies from centre to centre. I'd suggest finding out more about the one your therapist has in mind.

 

[Jane.l]

I am glad you are not doing EMDR if you are having suicidal thoughts . I did a couple of sessions, before my T and I decided to wait until I was more stable. With me I would try and target one thing with EMDR and get this whole chain of trauma coming out , it was totally overwhelming and I couldn't cope with day to day life ( in which I was separating from my husband at the time ) .

Things have settled , though not sure i would describe myself as anything like stable but I might try it again.

I have also read that EMDR is not always as effective in multiple trauma but I am desperate to get some sleep ( hideous nightmares )

I think you should commend yourself on being so brave and getting all the shit out - that is the first and biggest step in whatever path your healing takes - good luck

 

[scout86]

Radise, you have no reason to be any more afraid of yourself now than ever. What ever trauma you've experienced, you've already survived. It's in the past. There may be memories you're not aware of, but they are just memories of things you've already survived. "Memories" have no power over you that you don't give them. You are no different than you ever were and learning things about yourself won't make you any less a worthwhile human being. Learning about this stuff will give you the power to understand it and deal with it. But remember, the WORST part you've actually survived already.

Sounds like a smart therapist. Slight change of direction for you, but sounds like it will be better.

 

[Upside Down Eagle]

I've stayed well away from it for a number of reasons, including how much trauma I've suppressed for so long, concern about it provoking memories that I'm not ready for, and my tendency to hallucinate or have grotesque images run through my mind.

After reading your reactions, I understand that EMDR is not for me :) I'm fine with it now, as I suffer from the same kind of grotesque and unwanted images in my mind. I really loathe the idea of that getting worse (don't even want to imagine it). Somatic theraphy sounds really good. You mentioned it in the other thread and I really recognize the feeling of "frozen energy".

I'm just also reluctant at approaching a "trauma centrum" because it sounds a lot like the institutionalized world I already went through, where they had the same modules (like art theraphy and psychomotoric therapy...). I'm on the defensive really quickly and untrusting of yet another "team of psychiatrists" who are going to "study" me, that's how it feels at times. I'll give it some thought I guess.

Radise, you have no reason to be any more afraid of yourself now than ever. What ever trauma you've experienced, you've already survived. It's in the past. There may be memories you're not aware of, but they are just memories of things you've already survived.

Those are wise words Scout. The past just frightens me somehow. Acknowledging that it really happened scares the hell out of me. I think over the years I've constructed a "self" that was disconnected from those memories. I'm scared of who I really am beneath that construction, because beneath it is somebody who is in a lot of pain. I don't think I'm ready to face all that pain just yet.

 

[scout86]

I can understand the fear. I think of it as a "symptom". It's part of the package that is PTSD.

I read a really interesting book recently on neuroplasticity. The author is a psychiatrist who specializes in OCD. He's done some stuff with PET scans that demonstrates the people with OCD have a kind of neural loop going on when they start to obsess about things that isn't part of a normal thought process. He had great success helping them, starting by telling them that the "thought" (I have to wash my hands or what ever) was the OCD, not them. Once they recognized that, he taught them to come up with another activity to do instead. There was a little more too it but, not only did their symptoms improve, their PET scans became more normal.

I suspect the same it true with PTSD. A lot of these fears, which are so common to so many of us, aren't US, they are the PTSD. Same with the anger.

A good therapist isn't going to make you face things you're not ready to face. But don't forget, you've already faced it all once and survived. At that time, you were very young, and very alone. You had practically no resources to call on for help. And yet, you survived. Now, you are an adult, with an adult's resources, and lots of help available to help you on your journey.

A friend told me many years ago that, I had no choice over what happened to me in the past, but I have choices about how I deal with it now. He said, if I choose to let it keep me from doing what I wanted to do and being who I really am, I'd be "letting the bad guys win". He said he didn't think I wanted to do that. I don't. (I really want to kill the b*st*rds, but that's another story. LOL)

Anyway, I can sure relate to the fear. And to the idea that "seeing" it as "real" somehow makes it more real. But, it is what it is, or was, regardless of our denial. You are a brave and resourceful person to make it this far. I believe you'll find what it takes to deal with the things you need to deal with in the future too.

 

[Barconian]

No-one even knows exactly how EMDR works.

In laymen terms, EMDR is like a rubber that rubs out the image/sound/smell in your mind, which in turn removes that fear!

To bring up the image in your mind during EMDR is bringing up the fear that goes with the image and that alone is emotionally draining. So, if you are already too drained, then EMDR may have a negative affect up until when you are more emotionally prepared for it.

 

[BloomInWinter]

I have lifelong PTSD from multiple traumas.

I did a few years of Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and Dialectical-Behavioral Therapy (DBT) before we even began doing trauma processing. It took me a long time to learn skills for distress tolerance, mindfulness, and mood stabilization outside of the therapy room.

My stable life, relationships, skills, and mental resources had to be learned, practiced, and practiced some more before we determined I was safe to begin processing my traumas. Even then, I had a lot of flooding before my therapy team knew what my symptoms looked like and how to pull me back into the present where healing is possible.

I've been doing weekly EMDR for over a year now, with a break every 4 months. I worked so hard to get where I am. EMDR has been the single best therapy for extinguishing triggers. As we deal with one trigger, we keep chasing it down as many sessions as necessary until I finally remember the memory with reliving it anymore. It stops intruding on my present and actually takes it's rightful place in the past.

However, I'm so glad my team made me wait until I was ready. If all this had come crashing through, I suspect I'd be in terrible shape if not dead. My sister's counselor forced her to recount her traumas in a few sessions and she literally became undone, and has never recovered any emotional or life stability.

My amnesia is a complex series of mental defenses and I've learned to not force them to come down. They do all on their own, revealing a much bigger picture than what my child mind could handle.

Good for your team slowing down your process. With childhood traumas, slow and steady is the way to go. Trust yourself and speak up if you don't want to talk about something.

If I shake my head or vocalize that I need to avoid a topic, my trauma therapist is right on top of that and changes the subject quickly while helping me use my grounding techniques to bring me back into the window of tolerance.

It will get better, sooner than you think.