Emdr...timeline

[Deleted member 37474]

OKay, my therapist has apparently given up on fixing me after 2.5 months. She recommends switching to an EMDR therapist. Same group. They will meet ahead to go over my file. But... I need to know what I am walking into. It took 3-4 weeks to establish basic trust with my T. Do they have you talk about your trauma during emdr? What if you can't talk about it? How would this possibly fix the self hatred/blame and shame? If I was at a child mindset as my T says, aren't the statistics for emdr not as good?
My T says it becomes a switch, like I won't see her anymore (no matter how kind she acted I feel like my T hates me btw). So does the EMDR therapist give you tools, homework, help you sort it out?

I hate this. Feel like I didn't even get a chance for cbt to work.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

@TexCat I was terrified before doing the therapy with a new therapist, but as we progressed, I was ready to do it, do you think you are ready?

 

[Deleted member 37474]

@TexCat I was terrified before doing the therapy with a new therapist,...

Maybe. I need to understand what it is.

 

[Deleted member 37085]

From this forum and members here @TexCat I've learned that everyone's emdr experiences are different and seemingly as different somewhat as our traumas, length thereof, when, what, where, etc are all diffrent. That said, my personal experience was that starting back in September and every 2weeks was effective and not causing me undue distress until I switched to weekly and I have multiple, multiple traumas and found out after undergoing emdr that probably wasn't best for me to do so and since have been warned about undergoing emdr therapy with multiple traumas here yet T said he believed emdr to be also for multiple trauma sufferers. hmmm. Perhaps T would say this as he was lax in taking good proper care of me during emdr sessions, again just sayin'.

I have undergone 16-17 emdr sessions and the last several were a week apart which fried my brain and this does not necessarily mean this will be anyone else's experience, just sharing as this was my own personal emdr story. I also had heightened sensory problems which are backing down w/Vit B6, melatonin, and magnesium, tart cherry juice, Calm powders, and other natural supplements. Post sessions and while I was in the throes of severe sensory overload and brain fry I was so anti-everything including emdr, and again let me stress that my T (dr.) was not as caring and protective and carefully watching me to see if I was having psychological issues during sessions and I know you will @TexCat select a very successful emdr specialist for this is tantamount to you having successful sessions and being protected during same. This is paramount! and I learned the hard knocks way!

Now that I've undergone emdr sessions, and my T only asked me what I was feeling when in front of emdr cascading light machine and then I would pray and a trauma would surface mentally and T would run machine (some T's use knee-tapping technique, others utilze finger back and forth across face, and then my traumas would loop and be numbed and desensitized, etc.
And now in hindsight @TexCat emdr certainly did indeed work for me. I would never recommend emdr if a person's home life is even somewhat chaotic and emotionally unstable meaning when I'd come home from each session, I would be mentally off-kilter feeling numb and only for me, I was unable to access executive functions for several days (remember though my multiple trauma memories were off the chart). I would begin feeling sensory heightened overload and emotionally exasperated (the next day post session) from intensified from emdr session ptsd symptoms, from the emdr post session numbing and reprocessing which worsened after I went to weekly sessions. And you know everyone's experience is different and I am not going to sugarcoat it, it was hard as hell for me and I am so glad that this is behind me now @TexCat.

Post emdr, I have noticed a marked improvement in more positive emotional thinking and processing of information in that I am so much more positive about people, places, and things (thinking through in a more realistic and less negative way and doing better with problem solving) than I ever did prior to emdr. And since emdr sessions are hopefully completed, I am not flashing back and being triggered like before which was all day long, and also it was about every hour on the hour, if not more so, (((geez))). And this is great!

I've also noticed that the sensory issues I'd encountered in emdr (most do not experience sensory issues with a real good responsible T, @TexCat) are slowly abating with natural B6 supplementation and that my T in my humble opinion was so irresponsible and did not take breaks and slow down in emdr sessions and hurried along; and T was not paying attention to my duress and emotional upheaval during machine light runs while I was in front of T's emdr cascading light machine. T's responsibility was to stop when he saw that I was becoming emotionally charged and distressed (for it is not the client's responsibility it is the blooming T's duty to be held accountable for watching client and making sure client is okay and whether client needs a break, and to take it slowly for every client, and every T are different) and he did not @TexCat and I forgive him yet I know he was so unaccountable and irresponsible.

And, I wholeheartedly believe that T kept me far too long in front of the machine without breaks even when dr. saw that I was dissociating he still did not stop emdr machine, and he was far too lax post sessions in utilizing any multiple grounding techniques for me before I came home so I had to put my foot down and seriously encourage T to responsibly ground me with diaphragmatic deep breathing exercises, and also EFT Tapping (head), and visual imagery prior to my departure for home.

I will admit that I pushed T to continue through even after I displayed emotional distress during emdr machine runs so I strongly suggest @TexCat that you listen to your mind and body during sessions and if you are getting any initial signals that you need a break you tell your T that you need a break (for I did not know to do so and gave carte blanche to T, instead of listening to my own body telling me to slow down, and to stop, etc. I've been told that T was culpable in not fully protecting me during emdr sessions, which I'd never read anything untoward about emdr so I felt it was safe to stay in front of machine. It is not safe to allow any T to keep you in distress no matter what T's protocol is because the patient comes first always, no exceptions, no excuses, period. None. Notta. Zip.

Hindsight now and what I've learned in forum @TexCat tells me now that T allowed my emdr sessions to run too long (try to keep to 30 minutes or less and speak up @TexCat if you feel you are feeling detached and floating, dissociated, etc.); next, during cascading light runs (which are only suppose to last a few seconds or so, tapping also, finger runs, etc.) And, I will never allow any T to run light, knee tapping, finger runs more than a few seconds (or finger in front of face, or knee tapping) again hindsight 20/20 because this is when I began to dissociate because T was not responsible @TexCat, hurts to say this, but he wasn't.

Also, you asked if emdr client will remember historical traumas and my experience only was that since my brain pulled up one memory then processed it, then another - than processed it and on and on, then looped together another memory, and so on, that for me personally @TexCat, I was not in the memory and relieving same at any time and only my mind was just processing and numbing the memory as it was being thought of in front of light machine, so I was only cognizant of each memory for seconds or so, no more - then another memory, then another and a professionally trained T will STOP between memories being processed only if the client is visually displaying (or personally experiencing first hand) any residual emotional and/or psychological shifts in self during event desensitization and reprocessing. So perhaps you may not be outwardly exhibiting signs of needing to slow down, so @TexCat listen to your mind and body talk, it will tell you that you need to take a break, your mind and body will try and protect you if you start to become overwhelmed, so listen, okay.

And @TexCat everything you experience first hand will be contingent upon your own personal memories regarding intensity or, and how long ago trauma(s) occurred, and if you've had any CBT, etc. and for me you know @TexCat I was ready to let go and allow the horrific memories to be numbed and reprocessed, so I was as ready as I could have ever been emotionally and mentally to undergo emdr, and I would not take back going through the 9/16 - 3/17 (16-17 sessions) for love nor money.

I am so glad that I underwent emdr (even with a not so responsible T) because I am now able to think and feel more positively which helps with the hyper whatever and not being as pronounced now, and also I view the world rather somewhat differently. Yes, I am still guarded because of how awful the traumas were and the memories still remain , yet post emdr I no longer seem to live back there in the traumas anymore. I have somewhat of a more realistic (rather than pessimistic) outlook on life and people, places, and things, and I am more present mentally than I believe I've ever been. I feel like I am meeting me for the very first time and I am waking up from some awful nightmare life to see what I now need to do to clean up my place, my life, and to try and start living.

So I hope that you if you choose to utilize and undergo emdr that your experience with a more professional and responsible doctor/therapist will be very advantageous and as positively life-changing as my recent emdr experience has been for me.

And please do not base your upcoming emdr experience on anyone else's emdr insights and observations, for again everyone will have a differing viewpoint regarding their awareness and participation during emdr therapy. Love, Jade.

 

[anonymous]

It sounds like your T thinks emdr will work better than cbt for you. It could be that she's not qualified enough to deal with your traumas. I doubt she hates you, that's probably transference instead.. Perhaps.. Someone from your past who "hated" you or that you thought hated you, if you see what I mean? I was in a similar situation 3 years ago where my T made me take a break but it turned out she was just the wrong therapist for me. She wasn't giving up, she was making way for a better therapist!

 

[Hopefully]

@TexCat, I am currently coming to the end of a block of EMDR. I can certainly share how it has been for me, but as so many people here say, it is different for everyone and can really vary from person to person. One of the most important things my T said at me at the beginning is that there is no wrong way for me, as the client, to do it and she had no expectations of how it would go or what would come. I have a tendency to put myself under a lot of pressure so I had to keep reminding myself of this.

My T was the same one as I had seen before for 16 sessions of CBT, even after that time I didn't trust her fully, or maybe more I didn't trust myself around her, or maybe both. It is OK for that relationship to take time to build. We didn't actually get onto the processing part, the actually EMDR until week 9. The first weeks were more history taking, resource building and working on my safe place. I think it is important to not dive straight in.

With the processing you are encouraged to notice what your mind is focusing on. It may be a memory, an emotion, a physical sensation, she would ask me to share that with her. I believe you want to keep the processing going so between sets (I have knee taps) so I would say what was going on and we would then continue on. It isn't a talking therapy in the sense that you have lengthy chats, ideally that is covered in the history taking in the early sessions so the T will have a good understanding of what you are referencing. Your brain is the one doing the work, the T is there to guide and encourage it to do it's own work.

There have been things I haven't been able to say to her. Times when I have said "I can see something", she has asked what it is and I've not been able to say. I don't think it really matters, she asked me to hold that image in my mind and we continued on. We have worked a lot on shame and self blame, when I start looping on that she offers questions or thoughts to challenge them, cognitive interweaves and we try and process them. It can take a good few sessions but slowly, for me, those feelings do begin to lessen. I am by no means free of them but it is a little better. I think once your brain gets a little clearer you can start challenging those thoughts a little easier.

I am there for childhood sexual and physical abuse. Has EMDR dealt with all of that? No. Has it helped? Definitely. My T has helped me build tools, she asks me to keep notes during the week and we start the next session going over those and she has recommended further reading for me which we also discuss. I can't imagine a situation that would cause you T to hate you, please try and see that as your own distortion, try and see what is triggering that reaction, it could certainly be something worth discussing together.

I hope this has been some help, like I say, this is my experience with it, yours might be different. For me it has been much more of a help than the CBT and prolonged exposure I did, I have felt it has challenged those negative core beliefs deeper. I was immensely anxious going into it and it has been incredibly hard work but it is worth it.

 

[Deleted member 37474]

@TexCat, I am currently coming to the end of a block of EMDR. I can certainly sha...

I think that I am stressed because I have to switch therapists to do the emdr. My T says that the history won't take as long since the new one will meet with her first. I think mind is set in the "nobody would help me then. So why Should I expect anyone to care now." Loop.

 

[Hopefully]

It is hard to say without knowing your situation but not all T's are trained to do EMDR so the switch could well be an essential one to put you with the person who has the right skills.

It will certainly take a number of sessions for you for you to get to know the new T, that is to be expected, they will expect that as well. I don't know if you have a set number of sessions or not but you should be in control, if you feel it is too soon to start, if you want to do more stabilisation, say that. In the long run taking a little longer at the beginning will be easier than the other way around. Go and say what you say here "nobody would help me then. So why Should I expect anyone to care now." Tell them this is how it feels for you, let them help you combat these feelings.

It has taken me a long time to think my T might care, and to be honest I still do doubt it, but she is still here, still helping me and has show nothing to suggest otherwise, it just feels weird to think that she would. I would say the same for you. Your current T wants you to get the best care, they believe this to be EMDR and are linking you up with the very person to do this. To me that shows help and care. I know it can be hard to see but because you find it hard to doesn't mean it isn't there.

Take it slowly, give it a go and see what comes. If it doesn't feel right then look at some other options. I know it is hard, I find communication in T very difficult and can be very set in my thoughts but EMDR has helped with that, maybe it could for you as well.

 

[Bill5757]

OKay, my therapist has apparently given up on fixing me after 2.5 months. She recommends switching to a...

To start with, a therapist doesn't "fix" you; a good therapist is more of a guide who points you n a direction to take action on your own (like with CBT homework.) The therapist then helps to guide you away from unhealthy thoughts, actions, etc towards a healthier, happier life. But they do not fix you; you do that. Also, different therapists use different methods, and sometimes one therapist will see something in a client's history or personality that leads them to believe that a different type of therapy will be more conducive to helping that client. If it is not a therapy that your current therapist employs, they may give you a referral to another who does. EMDR is one of the top therapies for dealing with trauma. When you undergo EMDR, it is not necessary for you to talk about your trauma if you do not wish to; only to think about it, which you likely do occasionally anyway. EMDR has been shown to be effective with some clients in a very short period of time, relative to other therapies; sometimes helping to reduce symptoms drastically in a few sessions. If your current therapist thinks it will be of value, it is probably worth checking out.