arrhythmia..body too stressed out and I couldn't calm down. Blood pressure high and an early signal on ekg, but benign...waiting for labs, staying on monitors. I am too embarrassed to tell family (they are far away) and even friends because they don't have weird health problems. So I'll go home like nothing ever happened...which is like story of my life...so maybe just posting here to say this day sucked, was kind of scary, and I will keep going and try to take good care of myself tomorrow. thanks for listening. My little body feels really tired.
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Emergency Room And Feeling Stupid Again
- Post starter Chava
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- #2
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- #3
Dearest @Chava ,
I'm so sorry you had this experience. Anything medical can just disrupt me emotionally in every possible way. I'd feel wiped out, too. You've been through a lot. I hope you can get some rest.....of course your body is tired. Please keep us posted on how you're feeling, okay? If you want to, of course. I'm not wanting to put pressure on you.
I care. Hugs, if okay...........:hug:
I'm so sorry you had this experience. Anything medical can just disrupt me emotionally in every possible way. I'd feel wiped out, too. You've been through a lot. I hope you can get some rest.....of course your body is tired. Please keep us posted on how you're feeling, okay? If you want to, of course. I'm not wanting to put pressure on you.
I care. Hugs, if okay...........:hug:
- Post starter
- #5
I don't understand where I posted this...but thank you @Tippi ...I feel a little unreal. Off monitors and cleared aside from a thyroid test they can call me about later, but I want to keep my heart monitor stickers on for a day or something to remind myself...like what am I missing? Or how can I wake up tomorrow and not do this again? In the most basic ways, I feel like I am so stupid.
No, you're not stupid at all. But just to let you know, I often feel stupid myself.
Whenever I say, "I'm stupid," I usually think what I'm really feeling is a lot of shame. For what? I don't know.....for being weak.....for getting sick.....for not knowing how to take good care of myself.......for all of my daily anxiety........for, well, just fill in the blank, really. I'm so sorry you're feeling this way. It hurts, I know.
You deserve support, though, and you deserve kindness and empathy. I wish I could help in some way.
Hugs........:hug:
Whenever I say, "I'm stupid," I usually think what I'm really feeling is a lot of shame. For what? I don't know.....for being weak.....for getting sick.....for not knowing how to take good care of myself.......for all of my daily anxiety........for, well, just fill in the blank, really. I'm so sorry you're feeling this way. It hurts, I know.
You deserve support, though, and you deserve kindness and empathy. I wish I could help in some way.
Hugs........:hug:
- Post starter
- #7
Friday
Sponsor
I have to remind myself on a fairly regular basis:
1) Feeling stupid is awesome. It means I'm learning. Actually it means learning really fast. Downside of steep learning curves... But Incant feel stupid, unless I now know more than I did before.
2) Any ER trip you can walk home from is a good one. The reality of doctors is that you want to be boring. You want to be able to stand up, thank them for their time, and walk yourself out. That's a victory. An interested doctor is bad news. Always. You want them to be bored bored bored by your very normal, totally benign, easily treatable thing. Those are wins.
3) If you ever feel guilty leaving an ER for not being sicker/dying and admitted (I know it sounds stupid when written out)...
A) Don't. Remember, that's a good thing.
And B) Just send them pizzas*. Stack of cheap pizzas to uber pricey gourmet whatever, they don't care which. They're like 5yos when pizzas come in from a patient, because
- They're always starving, the cafeteria is miles away, and a multiple injury motor vehicle accident always happens right before their breaks. So no break. And they hate hospital food more than most people. And their soggy sandwich in their locker can always wait until end of shift to be wolfed down whole without tasting, while they recharge on hot, ooey gooey, comfort food.
- Patients hate them. ER docs and nurses get more abuse on a daily basis than even most cops I know. Knowing that someone out there, anyone, is grateful for their services (or maybe even themselves as people) is a huge hug in what is often a bad night of people yelling at, vomiting on, threatening bodily harm, insulting them, crying on, dying on, screaming obscenities at, not listening, being lied to, etc.
* What's even better than pizzas, especially if you're broke, is to write a letter to Hospital Admin praising the work, professionalism, humor, kindness, (whatever) of anyone who was awesome or very helpful to you. This is a big deal because not only do patients rarely do it (because patients hate them), but it can mean the difference between getting kept on during the next layoff, or getting a raise at their next review.
1) Feeling stupid is awesome. It means I'm learning. Actually it means learning really fast. Downside of steep learning curves... But Incant feel stupid, unless I now know more than I did before.
2) Any ER trip you can walk home from is a good one. The reality of doctors is that you want to be boring. You want to be able to stand up, thank them for their time, and walk yourself out. That's a victory. An interested doctor is bad news. Always. You want them to be bored bored bored by your very normal, totally benign, easily treatable thing. Those are wins.
3) If you ever feel guilty leaving an ER for not being sicker/dying and admitted (I know it sounds stupid when written out)...
A) Don't. Remember, that's a good thing.
And B) Just send them pizzas*. Stack of cheap pizzas to uber pricey gourmet whatever, they don't care which. They're like 5yos when pizzas come in from a patient, because
- They're always starving, the cafeteria is miles away, and a multiple injury motor vehicle accident always happens right before their breaks. So no break. And they hate hospital food more than most people. And their soggy sandwich in their locker can always wait until end of shift to be wolfed down whole without tasting, while they recharge on hot, ooey gooey, comfort food.
- Patients hate them. ER docs and nurses get more abuse on a daily basis than even most cops I know. Knowing that someone out there, anyone, is grateful for their services (or maybe even themselves as people) is a huge hug in what is often a bad night of people yelling at, vomiting on, threatening bodily harm, insulting them, crying on, dying on, screaming obscenities at, not listening, being lied to, etc.
* What's even better than pizzas, especially if you're broke, is to write a letter to Hospital Admin praising the work, professionalism, humor, kindness, (whatever) of anyone who was awesome or very helpful to you. This is a big deal because not only do patients rarely do it (because patients hate them), but it can mean the difference between getting kept on during the next layoff, or getting a raise at their next review.
- Post starter
- #9
Sorry but the whole going on about pizza, while funny in some context maybe, feels kind of flippant or like a minimization. Maybe meant to be cheery, lighten-up, I know hard to interpret words over web and I'm not in my best sorts anyway. Yes I feel stupid, but also partly because I seem to keep replaying ER trauma for my whole life.
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