Wow,
@Femke, I am simply amazed at the similarities between our experiences, especially with emotional abuse (with the exception that I never had a child with him - I cannot even imagine how difficult it must be to try to co-parent with your abuser and feel so powerless over him having contact with your child). I too have wondered why it is that some people have awful, awful things happen to them, and never develop any symptoms, while I have had things happen to me that unfortunately also happen to millions of other people, and I developed PTSD as a result. I agree with others though that it's important that we don't compare traumas or minimize our traumatic experiences. However, I am not to a point where I can prevent myself from having such thoughts.
The primary reason that I'm replying is that I want to thank you for making your original post. It is so relieving to know that I'm not the only one who feels like the emotional abuse was worse than the physical or sexual. I feel like I allowed him to change my entire worldview, especially how I look at myself. I used to be fairly confident about my intelligence, my physical appearance, my social skills, my impact on other people, my faith, my relationships with family/friends, etc. Now I see myself as nothing more than an unsuccessful burden on other people. I hate the fact that I was so easily manipulated, and I am appalled that I was not perceptive/insightful enough to prevent it from happening.
I understand from a logical standpoint that neither this nor my other traumas were my fault. However, in my heart, it still feels very much like I am responsible. I can't say I'm wholeheartedly enthusiastic and hopeful that I will be able to change my outlook through TF-CBT, but I must have a tinge of hope, otherwise I wouldn't keep going.
Anyway, thank you again for posting. I'm so glad you did. And of course, good luck in your recovery! :-)
