Sufferer Overcoming Emotional Abuse and Exploitation

Erock

New Here
What to do? I am 40. I originally left a home that was not a home when I was 18.

I was raised with gaslighting, domestic violence, abuse, everyone triangulated am the youngest of 3, by a stretch.

My sister was 15 years older than me. She died in 2013, an abused, lone survivor of our malignant narcissistic parents. Also, a brother 11 years older than me. No idea where he is. I suspect / speculate he is back in their fold. He abused me as a child, in different ways.

My father is a grandiose, yet covert narcissist with no empathy; cruel, emotionally abusive and exploitative, with a raging, entitled disposition. He is trying to pick at my raw wounds, guilting me, and lying by omission and commission. He has always been haughty, arrogant, self-aggrandizing, and uses DARVO = (Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim and Offender).

So, he has decided to abruptly cut me off. I leaned into his financial help. Now, I feel learned helplessness, and frozen in fear. I also have antagonistic neighbors. I feel monitored; there are neighbors (I say neighbors, in proximity, in this building I live in), and neighborhood people who have decided to spy on and target me, sometimes been followed.

A vicious l, sadistic old lady (I was permitted to call her "the creature" with a trusted, but gone, therapist). They are a hive of narcissists and enablers. The rage, bigotry, elongated contemptuous stares, the smirks. This is a similar energy being, so to speak, as my sadistic, histrionic, exploitative mother.

My beautiful baby girl (my dog), ... I had to make the decision to put her to sleep with the vet last week. She was my best friend. My heart is absolutely broken and I have been feeling suicidal ideation. I am aware of the hotlines.

I live in fear of losing control and always walking on eggshells. I feel like a lone survivor, like my sister did. Our parents derived much narcissistic supply from her death, which is disgusting. My mother gave a eulogy that proved she knew nothing about her.

This is a narcissistic family system, cult like, unloving, and tragic. Unconsciously, I attached myself to and/or allowed myself to attack to similar energy beings. People who mocked and gossiped about others, sucked up all the air in the environment, manufactured chaos around things that called for space, love and care. Bullies.

I don't want to live as a victim. I don't want to be caught up in "The Drama Triangle " I don't want to cower in fear.. I wish I could afford therapy. I have stare insurance. I listen to audiobooks, podcasts, YouTube videos.

I miss any close friends I had, hung out with the wrong people, and don't want to do anything or go anywhere. Action on my own behalf, but what action?

My self esteem and self worth was crushed as a child. My addiction (in "recovery") and loss exploited as an adult.

Thanks to anyone who might read this,

Erock
 
I'm sorry to hear that you have been through so much trauma and pain. It takes a lot of strength to have survived and still be seeking help and healing. It sounds like you are already taking some positive steps to care for yourself by listening to audiobooks, podcasts, and watching YouTube videos.

One action you could take is to reach out to local support groups or online communities that focus on healing from narcissistic abuse. Myptsd.com has many forums that may be useful for you. Connecting with others who understand what you're going through can be a powerful source of validation, reassurance, and support.

Additionally, you mentioned that you have insurance. Have you considered reaching out to your insurance provider to see if they cover therapy services? There may be community mental health centers or low-cost clinics in your area that offer therapy on a sliding scale based on income.

Lastly, if you are feeling suicidal, it is crucial to reach out for immediate help. Please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255 or seek emergency care. Remember that you are not alone and that there is hope for healing and recovery.
 
Welcome to the forum. I’m so sorry you’ve lost your furry friend recently, that must be incredibly difficult.

I have a pretty toxic family myself, and to be honest - I made the right decision to be completely broke than seek out or rely on financial help from my own abusive parents.

Anyway, welcome! Hope this place is a helpful resource for your recovery.
 
Welcome. So sorry about your baby girl.

I have a narissitic (I think) parent too (my mum). And her enablers are my dad and oldest sister. Am the youngest too. Being brought up with daily major and minor twisting of reality by a narissitic parent sure is a head f*ck that I still don't fully understand.
This site is a really great place for support, reflection and personal growth.
 
Can relate to the family dynamics (you wrote it well!) and unconsciously seeking the same energy. The critic in your head is the one you battle the most now. Be gentle with yourself, warrior.
 
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