Emotional Dissociation: What to Do


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Dissociating but only with emotions, still feeling in my body, my surroundings look normal still but I have tried writing about a nightmare (where little me was being abused) , whilst listening to binaural beats and I felt nothing. Dr catalyst said it seemed like I was dissociating but I never thought not having emotions come up when trying to process stuff was dissociation.
I also don't know what to do about it.
I'm not an overly emotional person normally anyway. I don't really show emotion it's just in my mind but that's normal for me.
I also can write about what i know happened and most of the time feel nothing.
i used to believe i was not an overly emotional person. the violent eruptions were merely the just due of all the morons who kept getting in my effing way. the frantic retreats to off-grid wilderness were merely my love of nature and a break from all the effing morons in the "civilized" world. my frantic intercontinental flights were just daring adventures. how dare this continent have as many effing morons as the last continent? and denial is just a fiver in egypt.

awareness was my own first step toward letting the dam of emotional dissociation burst. it took years and remains a work in progress.
again i encourage you to be patient with the process.
I never thought not having emotions come up when trying to process stuff was dissociation.

It’s along the same spectrum as
- ‘professional distance’ (healthy example)
- compartmentalising (healthy or unhealthy depends on the circumstance)
- emotional blunting/numbing/absence (nearly always a coping mechanism)
- pathological feeling/unfeeling
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I can't tell if my lack of any emotion or reaction to do with the memory I was trying to process yesterday is cause the memory is processed or I'm emotionally dissociating and I don't get how to know the difference???
pi told me i was probably processing emotions from the real abuse but the emotions are too strong so they are being directed towards dream child me instead cause it's safer.
consciously though i still feel like i have no emotions towards the real abuse memory but i'm very angry and disgusted at dream child me for sitting there enjoying the abuse and doing nothing.
i also want to get a branch and hit dream child me.
pi was trying to get me to be kind to dream child me but i couldn't so it instead tried getting me to imagine a younger version of myself and be kind to them but they still layed there and did nothing even if it wasn't their fault.