Emotional Numbness

[Ned]

Stick with it.
1. Yes, you may be the only half of it acting normal but that is a very solid anchor into reality.
2. I went through that phase where she suddenly became the bloody expert on me. Anyone who's been in combat/ops soon learns that ignoring the truth is unwise. I ended up giving her credit for identifying the problem.
3. There is, as Fargo has pointed out, a tangled mixture of naturally-disposed hard bloke and conditioned hardened bastard going on. Getting back to the geniune tough guy without the crap is the objective.
4. I said earlier, guilt is part of the package. If you want to be sohisticated about it try to honestly get over that it's accepted and understood and recognised.
5. We were at your point about six months ago. What has changed is that I now accept the 'elephant in the room' and would like to evict it.
5. Facts are best, emotions, as you know all too well, have unpredictable results. Keep putting the facts, including some of the very insightful comments from Jimmy, Fargo, Ted and of course Anthony, in front of him.

One part of our process you can do (probably better) hang in there pet.

 

[Steph_F]

One of the hardest parts is to get over the hurt and forgive and forget. I cherish the few and far between times that he has actually said he understood that he hurt me and that he is sorry. I know that its not "manly and soldierly" to admit one's faults, but not doing it lets it sit and fester and hurt more and more. It hurts us both, and what hurts him, hurts me. Its like a nasty boil, its not going to heal until lanced and cleaned out. I had always put him on a pedestal and looked up to him in a way that made him feel he could do no wrong, and that almost wrecked our relationship, not I keep him beside me (and as close as I he will let me). Days like today when I want to talk to him and he is acting like having me in his life is a huge curse I just am so tempted to lose it and get angry and tell him to snap out of it or ask him if he still even wants a relationship with me. *sigh* over and over I read that how he acts is so common for a soldier with combat PTSD, but he doesn't talk to anyone about it...I wish he would read some of your guy's comments so he can see that he is not alone and there is hope of happiness with therapy and people can live a happy (if sometimes bumpy) life with PTSD but it's possible and he is worth it.

 

[Misera1013]

Steph, I don't know if this will help, or even apply in the least tiniest bit at all, but I just wanted to express my feelings and thoughts to you.

My hubby and I are both Vets, but I am the cursed one with all the issues. I am suffering health issues that the VA denied me for originally, and this PTSD crap. Well, I am going through it all again. I am back off work. If I did not work for "Uncle Sam" I would not have a job. To tell you the truth, it kills me that my hubby is married to me. I feel bad. I feel terrible. He is stuck with me. A wife who won't put out due to emotionally feeling like crap, or physically feeling like crap. No matter what my head is bogged down! I am a complete and total burden to him. Hell, to my whole family. My Mom lost her only son almost 2 1/2years ago, and now she worries about loosing me over this medial stuff that no one can figure out. So, I get where the vet is coming from. I'm not good enough to put someone I care about through this hell. They shouldn't have to suffer beside me. Is it rational? Probably not. :roflmao: I guess that is the way the cookie crumbles. Or maybe it is all these silly meds making my head feel funny, but still hurt? Lots of ((hugs)) to you!

 

[Steph_F]

:( I wish you didn't feel that way...and this is the way I see things: *steps up on supporter soap box* You are very loved and accepted. If your husband didn't love you during your ups and downs, you would not have a husband, if your mom was so worried she couldn't handle it anymore, she would stop worrying and let you go. People have a threshold as to how much burden they can carry, if you were not worth it, your family would have dumped your ass outta that little red wagon a while ago! No one is MAKING them care for you, simply put you are the shampoo chick on TV and "you are worth it". You are just as worth all the love and compassion as my Vet! (or any human for that matter). If you did not love your man you would not feel guilty and bad about not being everything you think you should be for him. If you did not love your mom you would not care if she worries about you. You may feel that you are not capable of showing love, but in kind of a strange way, that yucky feeling in your gut IS LOVE, your guilt is your love. You know what real, true love feels like though, you will have it again and even better, you will be able to share it again, I believe in you!
*steps down*

 

[Fargo1]

Fargo, if T would hold back her tears and hide her hurt from you, would that protect you from the tidal wave of guilt?? Maybe I should try that with M.

Steph,

What Ned said! If she held back I might even get colder and harder. Of course she has not done that yet, so that is only a guess:cautious:

 

[Misera1013]

Steph, it's ok for you to get on your soap box! I just wanted to tell you how I feel. The pain, and emotion I go through when I hurt my family with my issues. Thank you for sharing.

 

[wife of]

misera,steph is spot on,most supporter hate the condition and not the person behind it,trust me you should trust him and yourself,hope you feel better today.

 

[Misera1013]

misera,steph is spot on,most supporter hate the condition and not the person behind it,trust me you should trust him and yourself,hope you feel better today.

Thank you

 

[Angelina92]

Steph, I forgive and forget easily because I know those are not his action or words. He is so kind, loving and gentle otherwise and I hold onto that, and I know he is genuinely sorry for the things that hurt me. I have told him that my inital reaction to his outbursts are to cry, which he hates and that is something that he will just need to deal with, that I will get over it shortly and to let me release the tension in my body with tears.

Misera, I hate the condition, and it infuriates me that he has it. Would do anything for him not to have PTSD. He will never be a burden to me, and I pray he never feels the way you do. I ahve told him time after time, that yes, it is tough at times, but the happiness his brings me far exceeds and grief and pain that he causes, and I mean it.

 

[Sue Ling]

Wow! That's so what we go through!!! Thanks!