Sufferer Emotionally And Physically Abused As A Child

['91 Girl]

Hey everyone,

I'm kind of scared to post, but here goes...

As a kid, I was the daughter of an abusive narcissistic father. I don't want to go into details, but it included a lot of shame, threats, and hitting and yelling. I spent my childhood terrified and alone. I have been "free" for over 3 years, but severe depression sent me to counseling. Since I've been in counseling, all kinds of things that I thought I had escaped have begun to come up, and I was recently diagnosed with PTSD just a few weeks ago. I am still learning, and I don't even think I know the full extent of what this whole healing journey will take out of me, but I think it will be helpful to have some support as I go down this road. So hi.

 

[Pinkcake]

Hey 91' Girl. I am glad that you are getting help and reaching out here. I was not abused, but I did grow up with an alcoholic parent. I did not realize the damage that my childhood caused until I after I started treatment for PTSD.

Anyway...I am glad you joined and I hope you continue to move forward in your journey.

 

[safenow]

hi '91 Girl, Welcome to the PTSD forum. You are going to find all kinds of wonderful, supportive people here. Lot of great information as well. I"m glad you felt strong enough to post. Look around. Make yourself at home. You are in a safe place.

I am so sorry you have gone through that type of thing as well. I also had a bad childhood. I was happy to see that you have been free for 3 years. That's great. I hope your therapist is teaching you some good grounding tools so you can cope with issues as they come up.

 

[KP the nut]

Hi and welcome to the forum.

Congratulations on introducing yourself, I know it isn't easy.

 

[Resilientbibliophile]

Greetings and welcome to the forum,

Not that I'd desire even one more member to 'join the club', but my father dictated to my mother that if she intended to carry a third and unwanted child to term, that he'd have nothing to do with 'it'. Deeply flakey, a drunk, and the living embodiment of all that was wrong with white collar American during a certain period, in this sad respect he was as good as his word. As you've already guessed, I was that child. No emotional resources existed and/or could be allocated to a certain someone in a certain circumstance. Please know that you are not alone, and that as appalling as the fact is to consider, that others have been so-impacted and yet strive to evolve beyond the care vacuum of earlier times. Kind regards...


M.

 

['91 Girl]

I have been poking around...this place is amazing. There is so much here. And you are all very kind. Thanks for the welcome.

It's been overwhelming. I thought I knew myself well, and knew how I was handling what I had gone through, but in reality, I just stuffed my emotions away, and masked them with the numbness of depression. And it worked wonders to help me get through without losing my ability to function. But now, I suddenly don't care about anyone or anything. People I used to semi-trust are suddenly threats because they are close to me, and I am so angry a lot. At my worst, I go through a rapidly changing series of sad, apathetic, angry, anxious, afraid, lonely, and antisocial. And then I tend to become numb. From what I have read on here, that's all normal, but still...exhausting!

Hearing some of your stories is encouraging, too, and I am glad to have found this place.

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

Welcome to the forum. :)

 

[safenow]

'91 Girl, I do hope you can get a good therapist to help you process that anger. It will help the sadness, and also teach you ways to control the anxiety.

I'm glad you looked around. This is an amazing place.

 

['91 Girl]

I do have a good therapist. But it's only been 3 weeks since all of this began (with a stunning 4 day anxiety attack that the psychiatrist deemed a "paranoid psychosis" and almost diagnosed me with Bipolar disorder, until I told her that a conversation about my past caused it), and it's only been 2 weeks since I have been diagnosed. So the opportunity to learn at this point has been minimal and mostly consisting of waves of overwhelming emotions, followed by numbness, and then repeating.

How in the world do I start trying to fight my way out of that? I think getting the hang of it will take time. Mostly, I am trying to function despite how I feel (years of depression have made me VERY good at this!), and trying to understand. I am seeing so much of how it came out in little ways throughout my life, especially in the past few years, and how it has slowly been getting worse.

Right now, at this moment, it's not so bad, and in fact today is one of two days in the past three weeks where I have felt like myself. I am definitely enjoying that!

 

['91 Girl]

Oh, and I should clarify that I have a therapist I have been seeing since last May, and a psychiatrist I saw for the first time regarding the anxiety attack.

 

[safenow]

The first thing I always recommend is breathing. These are called "cleansing breathes". In through you nose, hold it a couple of seconds, then release it slowly and deeply through your mouth. Remember, slow. If you do this fast, you will hyperventilate. Do it several times, and you will find it calms you a lot.

Has your therapist begun to teach you any grounding techniques yet? As them to do that for you. That way, when thoughts come to your mind that disturb you, you can stop them quickly.

 

['91 Girl]

Yes, I know breathing techniques, progressive muscle relaxation (if I have the time I find that most relaxing of all), and I have visualization audios. Beyond that, not much yet, except telling myself that I am safe and well no matter what I think or feel.