Emotionally Freezing In Relationship

[unfreezing]

Well he left me, said he's been barely been able to stand me since September. I just had no idea. I feel like I've had the legs slapped out from under me. He had a very blaming conversation with me and said he needed a breather because I'm emotionally exhausting.
I feel so terrible there just aren't words for it.

 

[Echo]

So sorry, @unfreezing, those are callous words to say. Don't be in any rush to let him back if he speaks to you like that. I hope you have a therapist who can help you put some good boundaries in place. I also freeze in the face of conflict and male anger in particular. I end up not speaking up and defending myself. It feels like it then makes the angry person worse because they probably need to have someone put them in their place. I have guessed, in my circumstances, that the angry person then loses respect for me because I am not able to stand my ground. It does lead to a lot of miscommunication. However, I cannot help it, and neither can you, other than to gradually learn to remove the fear, build on our self-worth, and, I suppose, find that boundary phrases come naturally. Until that happens, I would personally chose to block him completely. He might just get the shock he needs to confront himself. Tough love. But we both deserve so much better, and we need to learn how to create it in our relationships. That said, you are not responsible, and neither am I, for our men's reactions and behaviour. We are only responsible for our own healing. I wish you every strength and all the support you need.

 

[Lina007]

I am so sorry. I cannot reinforce to you enough not to blame yourself. It's not everyone, there are good people out there, but there are the unfortunate few who will use what they can to avoid taking personal responsibility for their actions. Just because you have PTSD doesn't mean it's you. It's a cowardly thing for someone to do and it is a bad reflection on his humanity, not on you, to do it in that manner. I'm not saying we don't all have our faults, but most guys I know aren't going to go through the holidays in a relationship when they can't stand you.

 

[TakeTheBaggage]

I have to congratulate you for not laughing at him. The visual of an adult male throwing a coat on the floor and jumping up and down would be my undoing. I'd laugh until I peed myself! Sounds like he has a whole bag of issues hiding . . . .