Poll Empathy/compassion - How Much Do You Have & Why?

[Philippa]

At this stage of my life I can meet a person and say, "Ah. You were molested as a child by a relative" or "Ah. You were raped as an adult by a friend after a stable and healthy childhood." And a bunch of other little small specifications of trauma. I can read it from several feet away. I'm rarely wrong. I freak people out. (I'm not as awesome on the internet...)

I don't mean to sound too confrontational here, and I know it isn't what the topic is about but this really stopped me in my tracks and I have to ask Is this really the best way to approach someone who has had these things happen to them? I mean, if I had had anything like this happen to me, I really don't know how it would affect me to have someone tell me this about myself...something I may not have ever shared with anyone? No wonder they freak out.

I guess I want to ask you do you think this is the best approach to take? Even if you are always right, is it the best thing to say to someone in that position?

If it were me I would definitely keep it to myself. Freaking someone out with this when they may not be ready or able to process it could actually harm them...I think. I could be wrong, but my alarm bells went off reading this.

 

[rightkindofme]

I don't volunteer that I can see it about them. I just start volunteering stuff about myself in a leading fashion. Once in a while people glare at me and don't respond but that is rare. Mostly people have their eyes go wide and say some version of "Me too."

Even it is something that bothers you I'm unlikely to change. Too many people start crying and thank me for seeing them.

 

[Philippa]

Ok, i'm just going by what you said in your original post...and you did say you say it to them. You didn't say that you volunteer information about yourself first, so it read to me as though you just come out and tell them what happened to them, which did bother me I admit.

I'm not asking you to change for me, and it's great that you get that feedback, it just caused bells to go off for me, which is why I wanted to ask and possibly challenge you about it.

The strategy of volunteering information from your own story first sounds much better and not intrusive, and you are more likely to get a positive response where the person feels that they have met someone who can relate to them.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

I answered normal amounts, but honestly I think most people have too little!!

Going to the zoo is depressing. I see sad miserable animals who want to be free. But, it's "fun" for everyone else. Disney was a bit better because they use natural barriers but I was still a bit sad. =( How could I gleam happiness out of another creatures misery?!?

I vacationed in Costa Rica and it was NO vacation. How can you possibly be happy when everyone else around you has so little? I want to punch people (but don't!) who make Facebook posts about their fabulous vacation in Costa Rica. Yeah I guess the resort they went to was nice but the poverty and crime is rampant. It's inevitable to not see it once you step foot outside the airport. How can you not feel bad for those around you who have so little? (I didn't go to a resort, rather a private home in a small coastal town. You had to have your guard up 24/7 and add PTSD hyper vigilance on top of that...not fun) And from what I hear, the resorts aren't immune to crime but give a good impression to 1st world visitors that they are.

Even movies are problematic. I had a horrible physical reaction after seeing "12 Years A Slave". I had to go home and sleep the rest of the day.

I think I got all of my own empathy as well as the empathy that my mother is lacking. She followed in her fathers footsteps but I'm the exact opposite in that I feel TOO much!

 

[EvenStrongerNow]

Does the capacity to have empathy come to you very easily and to an unusual extent, so called "normal"/average extent, or with difficulty?

Yes, this is the way I am generally. I feel other people's feelings so easily that it drains me. I'm like a thermometer if you will.

When I am emotionally numb, at times, feeling compassion doesn't come so easily. Empathy always does come extremely easily and plays into increasing the numbness as well as the anxiety for feeling like I'm "bad" for feeling compassion not coming so easily.

Has it played a part in putting you at risk or protecting you? It has played a huge part in putting me at risk HUGE.

Do you distrust it and avoid it, pretend you have less than you really have, pretend you have more? I distrust it and avoid it when I feel I am in danger, whether true or not true.

 

[Barconian]

WOW!!! Get over yourselves and come back to reality. If you have empathy... Control it!!!

 

[Barconian]

For example my sister cares about my mother and I in a more involved way than most other people.

Your sister is just scared :(

 

[digger]

Get over yourselves and come back to reality.

You're going with the 'not so much' answer to this question then? ;)

 

[Barconian]

Yes, there are important differences. I didn't differentiate as it would make the poll a total mess.

Why are you so hard on yourself?

 

[Barconian]

You're going with, 'not so much' answer to this question then? ;)

I am going with how to go from weak to strong as easily as possible as I have many friends that are looking for the same answer! Honesty' How can one climb to the top of society when one cares about another?

 

[digger]

How can one climb to the top of society when one cares about another?

Okay, not wanting to bring the thread too far off topic, but why do you want to climb to the top of society? I don't think I have any desire to be at the 'top' at all, but if I did, I'd rather be lifted to the top by hands that wanted me there because I cared than tread down on the heads of others to get there....

 

[Barconian]

but why do you want to climb to the top of society?

Didn't say I did