Empty nest depression and SI

[FauxLiz]

So I am taking my son to college tomorrow out of state which will officially empty my nest. I know that he has been living in the community where I used to live for the last month but we have still been able to see each other quite a bit. So I have been struggling with depression and SI issues for the last week and the closer it gets to us leaving tomorrow the worse it gets. I know I need to find something to do with my extra time so that I don't continue down this path and jeopardize everything that I have just started to get back with a new job etc.

 

[littleoc]

He still needs you, if that helps to keep in mind. When I was in college, I still talked to my mom and visited for holidays. It’s an adjustment, but not the end.

Hugs

 

[FauxLiz]

@littleoc I know he still needs me but with his sister out of state, his father in that same state of which is over a 1,000 miles away from his new school but way more convienent to visit as an airport is only an hour away and then quick to that major metro area. Coming home to me is a 4 1/2 hour drive to a small rural community where I am the only person he knows. It is a major adjustment and I am feeling very left behind by both of my kids hence the depression and SI.

Everyone else thank you for the support I know I feel really needy this year and the support and encouragement of the members of this site truly helps.

 

[littleoc]

I don’t have enough life experience to help, but I know you can adjust. It may be hard, but you can do it. Maybe a new hobby could help, briefly going to a group therapy for extra help in adjusting, and maybe making some plans?

Many hugs

 

[FauxLiz]

Thank you @littleoc we spent today in the university town doing final pre-move in shopping. Scheduled for move in 7 am tomorrow and I am terrified and sad. His roommate doesn't move in until Friday so I don't get to meet him. DS says I can meet when I come down to visit. Only there aren't any visits planned yet. Never realized how hard this would be till supper this evening.

 

[littleoc]

You can do it, though. You’re prepared, even if it doesn’t feel that way ((hugs))

 

[FauxLiz]

So I made it to the weekend but the week has been a real struggle. It didn't help that new T asked why I am in therapy if I am suicidal because in his words the two things contradict each other which made me feel like some freak of a failure at life. I know that I have to find someone else as this new T and I don't seem to working out but the reality is I can't get what he said out of my head and it just makes me more depressed and closer to the edge than I was before.

 

[FauxLiz]

wow two days can really make a difference. I was worried on Friday that I would really struggle and I have but not for my normal reason. Saturday morning son called to tell me he was sick at school and that it has been going on for several months but he didn't want to worry me. He was going to go the the student health center on Monday. A few hours later his sister calls me hysterical because another driver t-boned her car and then proceed to bully and intimidate her to try and prevent her reporting the accident. She did, and her car (still in my name and insurance) are pretty messed up and will probably be totaled. I was able to get her through the claim filing part and reminded her that she has full coverage and rental car insurance if necessary so a bit better. Then this morning my son called doubled over in pain worse than before. Living in a college dorm 4 1/2 hours away I couldn't help him so sent him to urgent care they gave him some meds and are referring him to a gastroenterologist. and I feel like such a horrible parent not being able to be there for both of them because they are so many miles away. I makes me feel helpless.

 

[Friday]

I feel like such a horrible parent not being able to be there for both of them because they are so many miles away. I makes me feel helpless.

Reality check,..

They’re so many miles away because you raised 2 independent, capable, young adults, living their own lives

AND ???

When they needed help, reassurance, & advice? They turned to you.

Terrible parent? Clearly not!

AND ???

You may feel helpless... but you got them exactly the help they needed, exactly when they needed it. IE were not only the person they called when they needed help, but you were also able to help both of them.

 

[FauxLiz]

@Friday thank you for the reality check. I am always so focused on what I can't do I don't look at what I was able to do. I know that they are strong independent adults but times like this I just want to wrap my arms around them and protect them from the big bad world.