Encountering Ignorance

[Pencil]

PTSD being the "flavor of the moment"

It really is. On the day after an armed robbery in my home town, I read on the town's fb page that the woman who was robbed 'naturally has PTSD'. It seems everyone has PTSD nowadays, all you need is a bit of a scare, or perhaps just a nightmare. So, best not to confide, it makes you seem like a ninny - someone who can't handle life's everyday tumbles.

In my experience people seem almost resentful of PTSD. I've not been able to figure it out.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

@Pencil,
I'm interested....can you explain why you see others as being resentful?
Thanks.

 

[Pencil]

@Solara: It is a mystery. Let me give you an example. In December 2011 a school friend and her husband (who live in another country) stayed with me for two weeks. In August 2012 my PTSD became 'full blown'. I then remembered that I had been diagnosed with PTSD in 1998 - something I had put out of my mind completely, as it had no meaning. A few days ago I saw my friends again for the first time since 2011. They referred to my lack of patterns (sleeping, eating, etc) - which they experienced first-hand during their stay - and which they see as lack of discipline. I explained dysregulation, and said that it is a symptom of PTSD. At that point the husband rolled his eyes and said 'Yes, you told us all about it'. Which is bullshit, the last time I saw them PTSD couldn't have been further from my mind.

This is just one example. Another is a friend who responded with 'We all have PTSD'.

When I was first diagnosed in 1998, my reaction was something like:' Yes, shit happens then you get over it' - because I had NO idea of what the disorder is about. It is only now, being on this forum and reading about it that I'm beginning to understand. And, it is a term that is thrown around a lot these days. This makes me think that people are 1) very uninformed, and 2) therefore confuse PTSd with post traumatic stress - just like I did, and therefore 3) think all humans qualify for the diagnosis, and 4) therefore some of us can't claim special 'privileges', or being 'more sensitive'. Something along those lines. Suffice to say, I've noticed impatience and ... something else akin to resentment when I 'claim' PTSD.

 

[Samantha_38]

At that point the husband rolled his eyes and said 'Yes, you told us all about it'. Which is bullshit, the last time I saw them PTSD couldn't have been further from my mind. This is just one example. Another is a friend who responded with 'We all have PTSD'.

This is a very big reason why I am nervous to tell anyone. My fiance' is supportive. He's seen me struggle, and he knows I want to be different but my brain and body just don't allow it. Other than him though, I know I would get eye rolls, and everything else from other people. Too many people claiming these conditions and using it for all its worth instead of trying to get better. That's like with anything though. People get a paper cut at work and live off of it for the next 10 years. I know someone that I graduated school with. Her profile on a social media site is all written up about her PTSD, and her trauma. Telling anyone and everyone. Even how she's struggling to get disability. I believe she has this right, and I'm not judging her. I don't know well enough to know whether or not she's disabled enough for disability. But with everyone all up in arms about these programs and everything else, it doesn't help the matter. It stinks because she may really need the services, and I'm not doubting she has PTSD, I just don't feel like the way she approaches it helps her in any way, or anyone else that has PTSD.

 

[Pencil]

using it for all its worth

Just to add - perhaps it is seen as a ploy for attention and sympathy. I've learned to keep quiet about it.

 

[Pencil]

don't believe in dwelling on or feeding into my trauma

It's not even about the past. I tend not to think about my past. We are changed by these experiences, and these changes become 'symptoms'. In the case of my schoolfriend and her husband: They stayed with me for two weeks so they lived with my lack of patterns - which is what dysregulation is about. So last week they brought it up, and gave me 'good advice' - such as: 'Why don't you just discipline yourself to have breakfast every day at 8h, and then simply have nothing else to eat until 1h?' Bla blah. No use trying to explain that I am more than one person, and one makes all kinds of plans, but the other/s don't play along as they have completely different priorities.

InsideAWord, I think we've all had some really invalidating experiences. Sorry it happened to you, but protect yourself in future.

 

[scout86]

I think some of this is just really hard to understand, from the outside looking in.

For example, before I started therapy, I'd read a bunch on PTSD and was acquainted with the idea that traumatic memories are stored differently. I "got that" intellectually. The first day of therapy, when my therapist mentioned reprocessing those memories, I went off on a tirade about what a stupid idea that was, there was no point to it, didn't want to go there, etc. He didn't comment, listened patiently and never brought it up again until recently. We've spent the last several weeks talking about not talking about stuff, because there's stuff I REALLY don't want to talk about. (Fancy that!)

I'm starting to "get" that those memories ARE "different" and that the difference is how and where they're stored in my brain. And that this isn't just some kind of metaphor, it's an actual real thing. And, it's a surprisingly big deal.

I asked, last week, how this happens. I've been involved in plenty of other incidents that could have led to PTSD, but none of that has created a problem, none of those memories are stored this way. So, how does that happen? He said they don't have an answer for that. He said that he's worked with people where there were 3 guys in a vehicle that hit an IED. The guy in the middle got killed. The guy on one side walked away and went on to live a normal life and the guy on the other side ended up with a debilitating case of PTSD. Doesn't make sense, with our current level of knowledge, but that's the way it works.

My point, such as it is, is that, from the outside looking at it, this isn't a "reasonable" condition. It isn't logical or explainable like most "diseases". (I actually don't think it's accurate to call it a "disease".) For someone who's never experienced it, or anything close to it, they probably compare it to their own experience and "normal" every day experiences just don't give you the context to really appreciate it. Combine that with the fact that you pretty much have to take the person's word for what they're experiencing.... I can see where misunderstanding and over simplifying is easy, from the outside.

Just had a funny thought! It's kind of ironic that most of my life, I've felt like I was on the outside, looking in. The first big exception to that is maybe PTSD? How weird is THAT! :confused:

 

[Zef]

I'm starting to "get" that those memories ARE "different" and that the difference is how and where they're stored in my brain. And that this isn't just some kind of metaphor, it's an actual real thing. And, it's a surprisingly big deal.

Just want to say Thank You for this. Out of the people who know about my PTSD diagnosis, the person who has reacted most negatively to it. . .is me. Myself. Beating myself up and minimizing. This quote really hit home for me and I'll put it in a place so I will see it often.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I can so relate to what you are going through with your friend.

In the beginning of my therapy process over twenty years ago, I was surrounded by unhealthy people. I had a desperation for people to understand me and my journey was filled with me going to people who were unable to understand or even hear about it.

I have found that good boundries make better friends. I have decided to keep some things to myself with certain people and deal with my own issues with help from healthier people.

I had to distance myself from unhealthy people. I had to live and learn from my costly and painful learning experiences. Like I said it was a journey that took twenty years and I am doing so much better with all of the good boundries I now have.

Please do not be hard on yourself just be careful who you confide in. Some people are not safe to be around. It is not you. Hugs.

 

[MissKB]

New Member here and really just read posts. I haven't done an introduction or anything but I had to comment. I literally had a family member once tell me to "Just Snap Out of It!" At hearing that not only was I overwhelmed, but I actually felt a little guilt. It made me think was it that easy and I was going at everything wrong. But intelligence came flooding back and the gravity of my mental state was once again a reality. I was able to dismiss her comment as ignorance.

Hope I can soon find the words to introduce myself and be a bigger part of this site. It appears very helpful and comforting.

Good luck with dealing with the ignorant. There are several when it comes to PTSD and severe depression.