Relationship End of my tether

[Sighs]

I think I have finally reached my limit.

My vet has had a terrible time over the last 6 months and despite all my attempts to help him he blames me, lashes out at me and shows no appreciation whatsoever for my efforts.

I have tried to be understanding and allow him time and space to grieve, but he needles me and deliberately provokes me and then claims my reactions justify his behaviour.

I've sat down and done the maths - I think I can afford to stay in our home without his financial contribution.

I'm to the point of numbness. If he goes, he goes. I can no longer twist myself into knots to be the Stepford wife he demands.

 

[joeylittle]

It also sounds like you dont want to be the target of all the misdirected anger (even more than being a Stepford wife).

Is he doing any work on his stuff on his own?

I'm really sorry to read how badly you feel. I'm glad you realize that you aren't deserving of the stuff that gets thrown at you. And I'm not sure anyone could tolerate it; likely, even the most stepford-ish of partners would still get the same treatment from him.

Sending support.

 

[Sighs]

Well. Looks like he's going. Seems like the best advice his psychiatrist could offer him was "why don't you get away from it all for a while". No word on what I'm supposed to do while he is getting away from it all.

 

[Sideways]

Maybe use the space to reassess your needs, what needs to change and how you want to approach that? Wish I could offer something more helpful.

 

[Sweetpea76]

I'm sorry @Sighs. Maybe he'll retract his head from his sphincter :hug:

 

[dulcia]

Does that mean you take over all the animals and stuff too? Might be relaxing to take a break from the defensive for a bit....

 

[Random Meow]

Giving you some support @Sighs

 

[Sighs]

He's going to stay for another few days as we have visitors coming and then hit the track for a bit. Probably be a good break for both of us.

 

[Snowflakes]

@Sighs Im sorry you are going through all this. I've been through it; it is heartbreaking.

My sufferers therapist once told her.....if he treats you this badly, why do you stay? (I don't treat her badly, she just believes I do). Sort of a variation of your sufferers therapist telling to "get away from it for a while." I think what helped me the most was finally believing that I did not have the power to change her, I only had the power to change myself. My therapist also convinced me that, despite what my sufferer wanted, nothing I could ever do would be good enough. Sort of my version of your Stepford wife demand.

So my sufferer did leave, decide the grass was not greener on the other side, and returned. I used the time during her absence to do exactly what @Ragdoll Circus suggested above. I will write that she is trying to manage her illness better by following all the directions of her therapists. But I no longer walk on eggshells, I no longer ride the PTSD roller coaster, and if she announces her departure again.....well, that will break my heart again but it won't break my spirit. I learned a lot here reading how @Sweetpea76 manages.

I'm sorry you are at the end of your teather, I have been at the end of mine but I can tell you I have managed to let go and land softly.

Take care and hugs if you need them. :hug:

 

[Sighs]

He's physically sick again. Too sick to leave his bed let alone hit the track. I'm taking time off work to look after him. I really need to try and find some little crack of space and time for me.

 

[Never_falter2]

:( How are you today, Sighs? I hope everything is okay.

 

[Sighs]

Sick with flu. No sympathy from him. No idea where his headspace is at right now. Appears to be making plans for this weekend and the next with no discussion about hitting the road so we limp forward another few paces I guess... Sigh!